My dad left home two years ago,
And mother found it hard to cope,
With a teenage boy of sixteen years,
So I set out on my own.

It's amazing how grown up you feel,
When you have nowhere to sleep,
And it's a rainy night, in mid July,
And you're alone out on the street.

Well the first few days went by ok,
But after a week or so,
I began to miss my family,
And wished I'd stayed at home.

Of course I could have gone back home right then,
And been safe and sound and dry,
But I'd said some things I knew would sting,
And make my mother cry.

And I didn't want to look a fool,
And admit that she was right,
So I put up with the wind and rain,
And cold night after night.

Then I fell in with a street gang,
That seemed to think me cool,
I had no idea they were using me,
And I really was a fool.

They fed me drugs and alcohol,
Really got me hooked,
Then taught me how to shoplift,
And had a share of what I took.

A year goes by, or a little less,
Then while I rob a store,
I'm challenged by security,
And I'm running for the door.

But I'm caught and in the struggle,
I throw a wild punch,
His head snaps back with such a crack,
And once again I run.

But security does not chase me,
His head struck the counters edge,
And as panic overcomes me,
I know full well he's dead.

And I'm praying it's a nightmare,
As a shop assistant screams,
I'm praying it's not happening,
But I know it's not a dream.

Days latter, I'm arrested,
And thrown into a cell,
And though still young, I realize,
I can only blame myself.

The man I'd hit had not been killed,
I'm glad to say that he survived,
But he broke his neck and I suspect,
Will be paralysed for life.

I can't forget the way his wife,
Had looked while in that court,
A mix of grief and hatred,
And so obviously distraught.

She didn't even look at me,
As my sentence was announced,
Though my mums eyes never left me,
Until the warders took me down.

I'll be eighteen next Thursday,
Still just a boy, I know,
But I feel I've lived a lifetime,
In the time since I left home,

There's so many things I'd alter,
If I could do it all again,
So many lives I've ruined,
I wish I could make it up to them.

Not least my own dear mother,
Who has stayed right by my side,
Right from the start, though I broke her heart,
With my stupid, childish pride.

When I'm released in five years time,
I'll make it up to her,
I'll be the son I should have been,
The kind that she deserves.

As for the others I have hurt,
I cannot make amends,
Save to swear by all that's holy,
Not to be that way again.

By S.E.Ralph…
17th-9th-2016