How hard could it be to take my first step?
“Come to mommy, you can do it.”
“Oh you're home. Hon, look at him go.”
As I take another step, he picks me up.
He hugs me tight but gently and kisses me on the cheek.
I feel so safe, loved and happy. Perhaps that's how it was.
(I really don't remember back that far.)
How hard could it be, my first day at school.
My mom meets me at the front door of the building,
hugs me and says, “How was your first day? Did you have fun today?”
He comes home after a hard day at work and mom says,
“Hi Hon, it was Den’s first day of school.”
He picks me up in his strong arms and says,
“I knew you could do it.” A hug and a kiss on the cheek.
How hard could it be to learn how to drive a car or a truck?
“Den, come with me. Let's take a short ride down the road.”
We both climb up into Dad's blue 1955 Chevy pickup.
He stops on the back road, gets out, comes around and says, “Scoot over. It's
your turn.”
I start the engine, push in the clutch, shift and we start out slowly.
I'm nervous, I speed up, clutch in, shift again.
Oh crap, I shifted into reverse, truck stopped abruptly and backfired.
Dad looks at me, “But you did it.“ He hugs me, a kiss on the cheek.
How hard could it be to go away to college?
I'm so glad she has a phone so I can call my mom and dad.
“Hi Den, how are things going? You've got a B average.
That's great. I knew you could do it. I love you, see you soon.”
“You met a girl? What's her name? Wow, see you soon. I love you”
“You want to marry her? Big step; in Holland? Okay, we love you.”
How hard could it be to have a family?
“Oh, it's a girl. Mireille, that's a nice name.” He hugs me, kiss on the cheek.
“Another girl, Michelle, that's a nice name too.” He hugs me, kiss on the cheek.
“You finally had a boy, Michael, good choice.” Hug and a kiss.
Birthdays, holidays, weekends, visits back and forth, phone calls.
He loves them all, unconditionally. Hugs and kisses all around.
How hard could it be as life goes on?
He watches them grow up, get married and have children.
He loves them all, unconditionally, hugs and kisses all around.
We take short trips and mom and Dad go with us now and then.
We go camping and mom and Dad visit us now and then.
Every time you left, hugs and kisses all around. Always, “See you soon.”
How hard could it be on a beautiful Saturday?
Brian calls us, “Hurry up. They are taking Dad to the hospital.”
Brian meets me at the door, ”Dad didn't make it.”
I scream, “Oh my God.” I crumple into a ball just outside the hospital door.
I yell, “Why, my God, why, my Dad?” I turned purple (that's what Brian said.)
I compose myself; I get up and we walk into that little room.
How hard could it be to say goodbye to my heart?
He's lying there, a tube sticking out of his mouth.
I touch him, still warm, I say, “I'll miss you.”
They leave, I turn back, I touch him, still warm, I say,
“I love you a million.” I walk out, tough as nails, quaking on the inside.
In my head I hear, “You can do it Den.” I feel a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
How hard can it be to bury my Dad?
Sunday, we all meet at mom's, we talk, we hug, we cry.
Monday, we all meet at mom's; we talk, we hug, we cry.
Tuesday, the wakes, double dread. I stand there, tough as nails, quaking on the
inside. “You can do it,” he says to me.
Wednesday, the funeral, all the flowers, over 280 people saying goodbye to my
Dad. I hear him still, “You can do it.”
Thursday, I sit here writing this poem, tears run down my face. “You can do it,”
he is saying to me.
Friday, we will bury my Dad's ashes; a copy of this will be put in that little
wooden house-shaped box. We will cry; I know it. His spirit will surround us
with his love. He'll give us all hugs and kisses all around.
How hard can it be to go on?
“My God, Jesus, please help me.”
I hear Jesus saying, “Trust in me and your burdens will be lifted.”
“Dad, why did you leave us so soon?”
I hear Dad saying,” It was my time and I was ready to go home. Don't cry for me.
Celebrate my life and have a party. I will always be sitting next to you, Den. You
can do it.” Hugs and kisses all around.
Thank you, Jesus, my heavenly father. I trust in you and praise your name.
And thank you Dad for your unconditional love,unselfish support and your
heartfelt hugs and kisses. I`ll be okay. See you soon. I love you.
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I read your poem- How Hard Could It Be?
I thought of something you said to me when we talked on the phone. I remember you saying that losing your dad felt like your heart wrenched out and then stomped on and then kicked, then stomped on again-it was something close to this-actually it was better. You know, I thought to myself, ‘’wow, such a genuine and honest response from someone who I’m speaking with for the first time.’’ I couldn’t express it, but you saying this helped me to immediately trust you. My life is about my boys because my biological father left to never return and my step-father was indifferent at best. I had my grandfather, though. A DutchmanSmile I haven’t had a genuinely emotional response to something written in a long time. This poem, just landed home! So, well written.
Jim
Ron