We're here to today
to remember the life
of Scary Bug. He was
a good friend, an
excellent father to
three million other
bugs and a true
person in every
sense of the word.
I remember going
out on the town
with him. He used
to regale us with
stories of all his
hapless victims while
holding a beer in
forty-six of his
arms.

Scary Bug
liked to scare
people and that's how
I think he wants to
be remembered.
Back in the nest, when
we were just hatchling
bugs a couple weeks ago,
I asked him what he
wanted to do
with his life.
"Scare people
in the shower," he said.
Yes, Scary Bug,
you certainly did.

I recall now
the day that Scary Bug
Ate the Big One.
He was just minding
his own business in the
shower of a young man's
house.

But the young man
(who happens to think
he's a writer for some
psychotic reason) in the
shower at the time
freaked out and
splashed around at our
friend Scary
hoping he would scurry
away on his many
legs.
The young man hoped he
could wash our friend
down the drain.
But Scary clung
tenaciously to the
shower wall.
Alas, the young man
picked up a shampoo
bottle and struck
Scary with it
splitting his body in
twain.

But he had not finished
yet.
The young man proceeded
to smack the hell out of
Scary, until he was little
more than a pile of tangled
legs and gross mucus
splattered against
the plastic shower
wall.

I should know (begins
to choke up) I was there,
watching from the
ceiling.

I ask that we all now
bow our heads in
a moment of silence
for the dearly
departed.

(Bow your head Damnit!)

And now...

The Hymn!

Oh! Scary Bug!
Your many legs
are twirling
In the young man's
shower
You've scared your
last today

Oh! Fearful day!
The shampoo
bottle's deadly smacking!
Your life away

Now you reside in
Bug Heaven

And Scary Bug!
We will all
miss you (except for the young
man!) We will
all remember
The light and truth
of all your life.

Now you reside in
Bug Heaven
Now he's gone
away. The Seventh Circle Website