You Are What You Eat (poem) by Frank Koerner on AuthorsDen

You Are What You Eat
by Frank Koerner → (All Poetry by Frank Koerner)
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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************************************** Olestra was approved by the FDA for use as a food additive in 1996. Proctor and Gamble is marketing a Crisco-like, semi-solid, all-purpose shortening that is about 35 percent sucrose polyester a.k.a SPE. It is also available in a 75% olestra shortening for deep-fat frying. Sucrose polyester is not absorbed during the digestive process and thus contributes no fats, cholesterol, or calories. For calorie-conscious Americans, extra fat causes health problems and obesity. Thus, there is a need for a substitute. SPE looks like a fat, feels like a fat in the mouth, and works like a fat in cooking. There are some drawbacks such as lack of vitamins, a propensity to cause diarrhea, and potentially harmful effects on growing children. **************************************
I think everything will be all right. I'm a Pollyanna type, But vulnerable to lots of things, especially marketing hype. This Pollyanna business at times sets my psyche to fester, ‘Cause the Polly they say I ought to be is sucrose polyester. Eat this stuff! No weight gain! It has all the nutrients I need, No need anymore to buy plastic food with which my face to feed. McDonald's and Whoopee Burger will go the way of all flesh, The calories in this wondrous stuff won't with avoirdupois mesh. Excuse me for thinking out loud. Isn't polyester what we wear? If pressed, I'll have filet of pants. Leave the cuffs all rare! And when I fall off my diet and go on a culinary toot? In the future it'll be done by eating my business suit. Think of how easy it'll be to lose some weight on a diet. It's always hard to start the thing. Now it'll be easy to try it. A goal that's nicely achievable now is to lose 30 lbs. of fat? I'll bet that I can do it easily or I will eat my hat. Imagine being asked quite firmly, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?" With an answer, "Yes, I do, but it's made by firm DuPont. I guess that it'll be all right, Pollyanna that I am, Excuse me while I calm my fears by eating polyester ham. So what is your pleasure, fellow man? Today I'm buying lunch. Diligently scan the menu for the specialty you'd like to munch. Forgive me, but I think there is something drastically wrong If the answer to the query above is "a nice, deep-fried 42 Long". Copyright © 2011 by Frank Koerner

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on June 15, 2011

I heard the little polyesters wherein endangered species because we were killing them in a rapid rate may wrinkle free shirts and pants. Now it seems, were also using them fry our buns!

I solved the whole problem by eliminating the need to cook with fat of any kind, using cholesterol free vegetable oils My only exception is bacon and one egg every other day to get my shot of cholesterol.

Ron

Reviewed by Ed Matlack

Reviewed on June 9, 2011

Would that 42 long be well done & in flannel or cotton...e

Reviewed by Jms Bell

Reviewed on May 31, 2011

INTERESTING, INFORMATIVE AND ENJOYED. THANKS FOR SHARING. LOVE, BLESSINGS AND FAITH...JOYCE * HIS INSPIRATIONS

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors

Reviewed on May 28, 2011

This is classic humor. Belongs in the humor section my friend. Margarine is but a tiny molecule away from plastic. Yum yum. I eat butter, at least I know what I'm getting. Patrick