You Are What You Eat (poem) by Frank Koerner on AuthorsDen

You Are What You Eat
by Frank Koerner → (All Poetry by Frank Koerner)
Rated "G" by the Author.

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************************************** Olestra was approved by the FDA for use as a food additive in 1996. Proctor and Gamble is marketing a Crisco-like, semi-solid, all-purpose shortening that is about 35 percent sucrose polyester a.k.a SPE. It is also available in a 75% olestra shortening for deep-fat frying. Sucrose polyester is not absorbed during the digestive process and thus contributes no fats, cholesterol, or calories. For calorie-conscious Americans, extra fat causes health problems and obesity. Thus, there is a need for a substitute. SPE looks like a fat, feels like a fat in the mouth, and works like a fat in cooking. There are some drawbacks such as lack of vitamins, a propensity to cause diarrhea, and potentially harmful effects on growing children. **************************************
I think everything will be all right. I'm a Pollyanna type, But vulnerable to lots of things, especially marketing hype. This Pollyanna business at times sets my psyche to fester, ‘Cause the Polly they say I ought to be is sucrose polyester. Eat this stuff! No weight gain! It has all the nutrients I need, No need anymore to buy plastic food with which my face to feed. McDonald's and Whoopee Burger will go the way of all flesh, The calories in this wondrous stuff won't with avoirdupois mesh. Excuse me for thinking out loud. Isn't polyester what we wear? If pressed, I'll have filet of pants. Leave the cuffs all rare! And when I fall off my diet and go on a culinary toot? In the future it'll be done by eating my business suit. Think of how easy it'll be to lose some weight on a diet. It's always hard to start the thing. Now it'll be easy to try it. A goal that's nicely achievable now is to lose 30 lbs. of fat? I'll bet that I can do it easily or I will eat my hat. Imagine being asked quite firmly, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?" With an answer, "Yes, I do, but it's made by firm DuPont. I guess that it'll be all right, Pollyanna that I am, Excuse me while I calm my fears by eating polyester ham. So what is your pleasure, fellow man? Today I'm buying lunch. Diligently scan the menu for the specialty you'd like to munch. Forgive me, but I think there is something drastically wrong If the answer to the query above is "a nice, deep-fried 42 Long". Copyright © 2013 by Frank Koerner

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on May 21, 2013

Your satire is screamingly funny and utterly scary. I shudder to think what kind of brave New World our mighty corporations are thinking up to feed our insatiable appetite for new. You are always unique and entertaining.

By the way, back in the 1970s there was a severe shortage of polyesters. Those poor little guys were almost driven to extinction. Those of us who hit the disco scene, found that our leisure suits were very sweaty and stinky. So we turned to cotton so that we could turn the air conditioning thermostat up a bit and still breathe some fresh air and save a little money and the poor little polyesters. Now that cotton is King again, there must be plenty of polyesters out there for DuPont and other chemical companies to exploit again.

Ron