One of the most important thing to do translation from one language to another is to never to forget to input any verbs. Verbs makes the poem whole and makes the sentences whole. The sentences should all be direct sentences making direct statements. The most powerful tool of writing poetry is to use direct sentences.
~~~~~~~~~~
Your version:
Gentle Heart, Soft Spoken,
Tender kid, wonder Dad,
He smothers me with his words,
He pampers me with his looks.
Full of admiration, Seeks inspiration,
Occasionally Naughty, Expressions faulty,
Gives me 100% rights,
But he exercises the authority
~~~~~~~~~~
My version:
Oh Dad!
You smother me
with your kind words
creating this tender kid that I am/
You pamper me
with your gentle heart,
with the wonders of your looks.
Oh Dad!
I admire you,
for you are the authority figure.
You inspire me,
for you give me 100% rights
to do the right things.
You are full of advice.
Whenever I'm wrong
You teach me right.
Oh Dad!
You are great!
I love you!
Well, that was just my suggestion, take it or leave it. The poem is yours.
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One of the most important thing to do translation from one language to another is to never to forget to input any verbs. Verbs makes the poem whole and makes the sentences whole. The sentences should all be direct sentences making direct statements. The most powerful tool of writing poetry is to use direct sentences.
~~~~~~~~~~
Your version:
Gentle Heart, Soft Spoken,
Tender kid, wonder Dad,
He smothers me with his words,
He pampers me with his looks.
Full of admiration, Seeks inspiration,
Occasionally Naughty, Expressions faulty,
Gives me 100% rights,
But he exercises the authority
~~~~~~~~~~
My version:
Oh Dad!
You smother me
with your kind words
creating this tender kid that I am/
You pamper me
with your gentle heart,
with the wonders of your looks.
Oh Dad!
I admire you,
for you are the authority figure.
You inspire me,
for you give me 100% rights
to do the right things.
You are full of advice.
Whenever I'm wrong
You teach me right.
Oh Dad!
You are great!
I love you!
Well, that was just my suggestion, take it or leave it. The poem is yours.
Sandie Angel :o)