crying jags
the top layer
of me peels off
as my tears of
acid wear it away,
revealing new, delicate
flesh
the most painfull
of them all
tears dry, life resumes
suicidal thoughts fade
for the moment
laughter explodes.
pure tears run rivers
people ask 'what is
she on?' i watch from
afar, in dismay,
as i lose control
laughter subsides
focus settles down
frustration peers around
a corner. i am still
smiling though.
through sparkling eyes
nice smiles
evil words creep through
i lose control, but dont
remember
the happiness fades
frustration appears
full blown. i snarl
like a penned dog.
i dont speak.
i watch as people
drift from me
not caring why
not caring
i try my best
to hold control
i pace the floors when
tears threaten in my ears
i separate myself
when anger wells
deep
but in the end someone
always gets hurt.
it's not always you
each of these
'seasons' leaves
it's scar
like a tree
one hundred years
one hundred rings
four rings a day
four normally
abnormal
seasons pass through me
without a second thought
i was just recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. its sucks. i had to break up with my boyfriend becuase it just kept getting worse, and we both just kept getting hurt.
im a poor college student, so medication just wont fit into my budget. so i do my best, i go to therapy, and we try to figure out a way to get out of it...
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Reviews of "Seasons of Bipolar"
Reviewed by James David Compton (Reader)
Reviewed on February 9, 2003
Sara, as you can see, you have a lot of support here. I think you have found at least one creative channel to funnel those energies into. That seems to be the secret to all of life's punches... to take what ever residue it leaves and create something beautiful out of it.
Your last stanza here is absolutely amazing.
-James
I dig the lovely yet haunting images in this poem. My understanding of this disorder has increased tenfold w/ your account of it. Thanks, doll :)
Reviewed by na na (Reader)
Reviewed on November 6, 2002
Yes dear many are bi-polar and so am I. You might want to see what happens to bi-polars who loose their way by mixing their problems with alcoholic. There is a good medicaton for your Bi-polar and the one they give is
called: Divalproex .. a very effective non addiction medicine in pill form. But I get
mine free and I do not know the cost. A pharmacy could tell you. Your will be alright. The bi-polarity also gifts us usually some type artistic talent. So concentrate on what you can do and do it. Bill
((((hugs))))))
You are not alone Sara. You would be amazed at how many artists here are BiPolar. Most of those close to me are and I find them to be some of the most creative and warmest souls on this planet.
Amor
Hello, Sara. Two of my good cyber friends from the same poetry site are bi-polar, both have written poems and talked freely with any who had questions, both are sweet, dear men who have dealt with their illness with human spirit and tenacity, other times with despair and pain. I believe you will be able to have and do the things you dream, your piece shows you are scared, but also that you are strong. If you would like me to contact them and ask for some information or other knowledge they have that may help you, I would be honored. It would be ridiculous to tell you you won't have bad days, you will, but you are alive, a unique soul with a harder journey than many, we need such souls in this world. There are many who will help you, listen and talk to you, and cherish you, stay strong, Sara.
Erin
Reviewed by Caldwell Phillips (Reader)
Reviewed on November 4, 2002
Sweetie,
I am Bi-Polar too and I know how hard it is to 'stay level' and in control. I want you to know that you are not alone. It does make for good material in poetry just as you've proved here.
I have met so many artists that are bi-polar. I suppose we are a creative lot. I am sorry for the hard times though, I know how hard they can be. The poem that Alan & I did called 'Closed Circuit' is about this very thing. Hang in there. I'll sign in under our name and you can read it if you feel like it. (((HUGS)))
hope you get the help you so deserve! i don't really understand just what bipolar means, but i hear it sucks. it must be hell to live with it. i know of people who have it, but i am not familiar with the ramifications of the actual illness. please inform. love, your friend, karen lynn. (((HUGS))) hang in there!
Reviewed by Ashley Tabor (Reader)
Reviewed on November 4, 2002
There are support groups on line, talking to someone who understands helps. Your write is an honest vision of being bipolor, to understand what you are is the beginning of self healing, hang in there you are not alone.
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Your last stanza here is absolutely amazing.
-James
called: Divalproex .. a very effective non addiction medicine in pill form. But I get
mine free and I do not know the cost. A pharmacy could tell you. Your will be alright. The bi-polarity also gifts us usually some type artistic talent. So concentrate on what you can do and do it. Bill
((((hugs))))))
Amor
Erin
I am Bi-Polar too and I know how hard it is to 'stay level' and in control. I want you to know that you are not alone. It does make for good material in poetry just as you've proved here.
I have met so many artists that are bi-polar. I suppose we are a creative lot. I am sorry for the hard times though, I know how hard they can be. The poem that Alan & I did called 'Closed Circuit' is about this very thing. Hang in there. I'll sign in under our name and you can read it if you feel like it. (((HUGS)))
Love to you, Janet Caldwell