Whether you do or don't believe in global warming...
as an apartment manager, I see this all the time.
The Effects of Global Warming On Refrigerators
Make no mistake about it...global warming is affecting our country’s refrigerators. Though merely isolated incidents at first, it is quickly becoming a widespread concern. Before the arrival of climate change, the life of the average refrigerator would easily span a decade or more. Families grew up with one refrigerator.
The lifespan of the modern refrigerator, though magnificent in exterior and interior design, is shrinking to epic proportions. The phenomenon of “ice clumping” is damaging the hard-working augers, which are made of cost-saving plastic. The augers don’t have the strength to penetrate the large blocks of clumped ice. Think of how a kayak compared to the Titanic would survive an iceberg. The Titanic didn’t survive and the kayak wouldn’t either. Malfunctions are occurring at alarming rates. The compressors and fans of the older generation refrigerators whirled and buzzed with efficiency. They required only an occasional vacuuming by the housewife to eliminate pet fur and dust-fairies needed for their proper operation. Many believe the compressors and fans can’t keep up with the newer gimmicks and innovations. Circuit boards and defrost sensors, although designed for specific tasks are failing as the defrost cycle is prolonging the anticipated time limit. This not only causes the warming of the formed ice cubes, it is also producing extreme temperature conditions in the freezer region. Freezers filled with sustainable groceries such as Pizzas, tater tots, veggie burgers, and various Lean Cuisines are now competing with “freezer snow” in massive amounts. Survival rate is poor to say the least.
Society became enraptured with each new appliance color. Basic white, root beer brown, turquoise and pink (very rare), avocado green, harvest gold, bisque (beige), black, and the preferred upscaled and modern choice of stainless steel. Ice cube trays long forgotten, made of aluminum with the levers on top to loosen and manually break up the cubes, rarely if ever, clumped together. Those metal trays soon gave way to the plastic bendable style, as plastic made it debut into American Society in the post World War II days. Companies eager for more profit were replacing metals with plastic at a high rate of speed, developing light-weight, less costly and more colorful products. Tupperware sales were steadily climbing as housewives started entertaining with Tupperware Parties for their friends. Swanky, gourmet casseroles baked in 13 x 8 inch pyrex dishes, were all the rage and the leftovers needed proper storage containers. Tupperware was the perfect answer with its patented “burping” system of sealing in the flavor and freshness. During that period the food industry developed a remarkable sandwich spread resembling butter in consistency. It was shaped it into a cube, sold in a box of four and marketed as Margarine, (interesting to note how similar the word migraine is to margarine) to the American people, as the healthy alternative to butter. Many decades later we discovered it too, was made out of plastic, like the ice cube trays. Most Baby-Boomers grew up eating plastic, although livestock we discovered many years later, wouldn’t touch it.
Many Apartment Associations note this controversial topic is becoming more widespread. At times affecting entire apartment communities. Although there are many who refuse to acknowledge the facts surrounding global warming; and a majority of the middle class have yet to experience the breakdowns and extreme temperature patterns of the modern day refrigerator; scientists along with the apartment associations are researching this unsettling universal trend.
The defrost cycles are out of control, and the augers too weak. We need smaller refrigerators, without frivolous accessories. We need to work together on this by demanding to protect our refrigerators and freezers. Bring back the ice trays with the levers. Take circuit boards out of our refrigerators. Water and electronics don’t mix. Think green. Bring back the avocado green color, and let’s fight for more turquoise and pink retro styles. The American people want color and diversification. Conservatives need to stop telling us which colors to choose. No more white! The side-by-side models can get along if we try. We need to change the paradigm of our old ways of thinking. Do we really need automatic ice-makers, and water dispensers? No, we don’t. Less is better. Simplicity. Lessen the stress on the people, on the planet, on the struggling new-fangled refrigerators. I want pink. And I want my freezer on top!
Maybe I've just been lucky but I haven't seen freezer snow in 30 years. And I'll keep my ice maker (cubes and crushed) and my filtered ice water. Movable shelves are also a plus. I guess there is something to be said about the ice man bringing a big chunk of ice directly into a house when husbands are gone.
As one from the icebox days. Remember them? When you had to cut ice on the lake in the winter, store it underground in sawdust, and daily drag a chunk into the icebox so that you can keep your cream from curdling… It still spread well on bread when sour.
And then, back in the day, I had one of those newfangled self defrosting fridges that had a tendency to sweat during our (global warming) hot, humid summers in West Virginia. Try as I might, by scrubbing as hard as I could, I couldn't seem to keep the green mold from growing on the outside of the fridge. I should've just let it go because it would've been right in with the rage of the time, good old avocado green.
Fun read, brings back memories and makes me laugh at all those house hunters who just have to have granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. How in the hell did we survive without them?
PS. I'm all bent over for a freezer on the bottom!
The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me is adult satirical humor featuring adult language and adult content, and the work is a parody of the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy.
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