This week, Studio Reader Stan pays another visit to Ms. Pantsworth, an executive at Demure Studios.
Studio Reader Stan enters Ms. Pantsworth's office.
Ms. Pantsworth: Studio Reader Stan, I need your help. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss seeing my name in the trades when I decided to never do any work again.
Studio Reader Stan: So you’re going to start greenlighting movies again?
Ms. Pantsworth: No, don’t be silly. That’s way too risky. I’m still one flop away from getting the axe.
Studio Reader Stan: Why don’t you do like your peers and just buy scripts and then have them languish forever without ever being made?
Ms. Pantsworth: No can do. That would remind my bosses that I still work here, and then they’d have expectations.
Studio Reader Stan: They don’t know you work here?
Ms. Pantsworth: Nope. I’ve gone so long without actually doing anything, they have no idea.
Studio Reader Stan: So your dilemma is you want attention from the press, but without your bosses ever knowing about it?
Ms. Pantsworth: Exactly. And I have just the thing. Tabloids. I get my name highlighted, without it ever being about business.
Studio Reader Stan: In what way exactly?
Ms. Pantsworth: I want it anonymously leaked that I’m action star Valkyrie Booster’s new secret flame.
Studio Reader Stan: So why don’t you just go ahead and leak that?
Ms. Pantsworth: ‘Cause they’d recognize my voice from all the other stuff I’ve leaked to them over the years.
Studio Reader Stan: Mm, so I’m assuming you expect me to actually do the leaking for you.
Ms. Pantsworth: You got it.
Studio Reader Stan: And what possible reason would I give for knowing this information?
Ms. Pantsworth: You’ll claim you’re his stalker. Their journalistic standards aren’t very high, so they’ll take your word for it.
Studio Reader Stan: Gee, what an honor for me. And I’m sure there’ll be no ramifications whatsoever.
Ms. Pantsworth: No, It’ll probably get you arrested, but... the exciting upside is you’ll be assured of getting a Christmas card from me this year. And I imagine that’ll be a huge moment in your life. Thanks, Studio Reader Stan.
Tune in next week for more of Studio Reader Stan's adventures...
The Wholly Book of Genesis is a humorous satire on the first book of the Old Testament where the Story of Creation, the building of Noah's Ark, Sodom and Gomorrah and the families of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob are thoroughly spoofed and broadsided.
