I sat down today to write my humorous story on indecisiveness to find that my finger made love to/struck/stabbed the backspace key over and over again. Even the sentence that came before this one was double checked by a friend on a count of the decision to use the sex reference; which now makes it undeniably<> clear that I cannot make a decision. So here we go I’m going to write about a person/animal/immortal being faced with a series of decisions, the place I will put this person/animal/immortal being is in subway. Subway hell on earth in food form!!! “Have it your way”, what sort of Satanist came up with that. Now Bob/Joe/Jim walked into the subway with an amazing hunger/curiosity, Bob/Joe/Jim walked to the empty counter noticing that there was a picture of a row of breads all different, Bob/Joe/Jim stood there for a moment or two staring at the picture when a young boy/girl/tranny walked up to him asking Bob/Joe/Jim if he/she/it could help him. Bob/Joe/Jim stood studying/gawking/eyeing the young girl/boy/tranny unable to speak,
“Have you made a decision sir” he/she/it said
Bob/Joe/Jim looked back to the picture of the sub rolls and hand to his chin/forehead/cheek. Bob/Joe/Jim stood pondering the type of bread he wanted. Bob/Joe/Jim was soon joined by an elderly woman/man waiting to be helped.
“What kind of bread should I get?”
The woman/man looked at Bob/Joe/Jim with a confused look across his/her face
“I’d personally get the Italian herb” the man/woman took a few steps away from Bob/Joe/Jim.
Bob/Joe/Jim looked at the boy/girl/thing
“That’s what I’ll have then”
Several minutes had passed in the time it took bob/Joe/Jim to make the decision on bread that the young boy/girl/tranny had walked off to the bathroom and back. He/she/it laid out the sub roll
“Six inch or foot long”
Bob/Joe/Jim placed his hands on his hips his eyes darting/dashing between the pictures of the foot long sub and the six inch sub Bill/Joe/Jim leaned over to the elderly man/woman
“Now what would you go for?”
The man/woman roller his/her eyes
“Well I am very hungry I’d go with the foot long”
There was more then a hint of frustration in his/her voice. Bob/Joe/Jim looked again at the pictures
“Sounds good to me”
The young boy/girl/tranny cut the sub open with skill
“What would you like on it sir”
Bob/Joe/Jim looked back at the large menu
“Well what is it that you have?”
The elderly man/woman next to Bob/Joe/Jim cupped his/her head in his/her hands. The young boy/girl/tranny turned and looked at the menus
“Anything you see there sir”
The light outside had dimmed giving way to darkness
“Sorry to bother you again…”
“Ham! I’d have ham!”
The elderly man/woman looked at the young boy/girl/tranny with frustration behind his/her eyes. Bob/Joe/Jim cocked his head to the side confused by the frustration in everyone’s voice around him.
“I like ham”
The young goy/girl/tranny slapped ham onto the roll pulling down the line
“Lettuce, tomato, olives, sauce, onions, peppers, cheese?”
The elderly man/woman rubber his/her temples
“For God’s sake!”
Bob/Joe/Jim looked over at the man/woman
“What is it you think I should put on it?”
The elderly man/woman paced around rolling his/her eyes every once in awhile
“I’d get cheese and mustard! Cant you make a decision on you own?!”
Bob/Joe/Jim looked at the man/woman then to the young boy/girl/tranny
“That’ll to fine I think”
The elderly man/woman flung her hands into the air
“You think do you, you can’t even make a decision all on your on. I showed up and all you’ve done is ask me what to put on your sub!”
The young boy/girl/tranny fixed the sub and wrapped it
“Would you like a meal with that?”
The young boy/girl/tranny closed his/her/it’s eyes leaning over resting his/her/it’s head on the counter in front of him/her/it.
Deputy Dave Jenkins sets out to find the murderer of the local high school principal, aided by a voice from the grave that is sometimes helpful and sometimes misleading.
"Murder isn't usually this funny."
Amazon reviewer
Homer's Ill Iliad & Odd Sea Odyssey (420 pages) is an adult satire/parody rewrite of the classic stories of the 10 year Trojan War and of the 10 year adventure of Odysseus trying to return home to his native Ithaca.
