Well, I mess’d up rill good this time an I’m hopin’ you can tell me what to do. I jus dunno what I’m gonna do now. I turnd nineteen las week, an I dam shore made a mess’o my life already. It’s not that I mean ta screw thangs up, I jus sorta gotta knack to make crazy shit happen.
See, my boyfrien’s mama an I have had a rill poor relationship due to many reasons. None of witch is rightly all my fault, ya gotta unerstan. Not all my fault. Altho I certinly haz been a fool.
Sos, as I wuz sayin, my boyfrins mama and I ain’t gettin’ olong to well. I were tryin’ hard about patchin thangs up after my pregnancy. I know’d she were distappointed in her baby man for knockin me up an stuff. Now she can’t not fault me for fallin for her beloved boy. He is a mighty fine lookin man with those big blue eyes an goldie-locks hair. He wear it right smart, too, all longish to his shoulders. Look like a Sampson, that for shore. He is da handsomest man in this here parts, an I thawt for shore we’d make some dang smart lookin babies him and me. Anyhoo, she was pretty sore at me, not wantin to be a grandma an all afore she even turn forty years ol herself. So’s I tried to patch thangs up an make her feel alright about us. I weren’t doin nobody no gud just fussin’ an fighten.
But then I went an taked her dawter, much younger than myself out fer a little drinkin’. It really weren’t no harm dun, ceptin that the girl only sixteen years ol’. I didn’t know what the big deal was all ‘bout, heck I was pregnant the first time when I was sixteen, no harm in a little drinkin’ is there? I spose she weren’t rilly sore at me for the drinkin so much as that we landed our sorry butts in jail an I had to call her inna middal of the nite to come post our bail. She was frightful angry at me, as tho I holded all those shots up to that girls mouth and forced her to drink! I declair it ain’t rightly kind of her to place all that blame on me.
Then she foun’ the pills in my purse, tho’ I dunno why she were lookin’ inside my purse as it weren’t nonna her bisness to look in there. But she did anyways. I tried splainin’ to her that those was my medicine for losin’ some wait. I don’t take much to bein fat, and I was given those by the truckdriver down the street. He happy to give ‘em to me alls I hadda do was give him a little kiss’n anna rubb’n. Made him feel all good havin’ a yung chick like me slobberin’ over him an such. He said I got the prettiest green eyes he ever seen before, and I need to keep my self nice lookin’ if I ever spect to get outta this here hole. Livin’ in these here bakwoods done ain’t fer me, I tired of people laffin’ cause I lives in this shacky ol’ place. So’s anyway she mad about those lil pills till I offer’d her haf of em. Then she alrite about it, even took haf my weed, but I ain’t gonna complain much if it keep the peece.
Well thangs got somewot better over the next few weeks. I come ta found out I weren’t pregnant after all, an that seemed to cheer her up some. I was feelin’ all gud about our gettin’ along, so one day I offers to make a run to town for her an pick up a carton of smokes, see she like her Winston’s an I smoke the cheap shit cause I ain’t got much monie to spare. Well, so I’m feelin’ all gud that we are gettin’ along better’n ever, so’s I take off in my boyfrin’s car to head off to the store an I’ll be dammed if I don’t go an runned over her fav’rite cat. Flatten’d that poor pussy out like a rug, it were the damdest thang. We’ll now I ain’t quite the idiot some folk make me outta be, an I know’d she was gonna get rill hostyle ‘bout this here incident. But ‘fore I could scrape that carcass outta the dirt she come tearin’ outta the house madder’n a hornet. She a cryin’ anna wailin’ and stuff.
I tried to consoul her but it ain’t dun no gud. I tell her over an over how rightful sorry I am, an it were a dam ugly cat anyways. So’s do you thank it wud do me gud to get her a new cat? I found a lil’ spotted one much cuter than that nasty gray thang she been wailin’ bout.
Thank you for yer time to reed my letter an I hope you reply rill soon ‘cause I’m needin’ to hurry up an patch thangs up.
Your very gud frien,
Darlene
PS I am also rill sorry fer sum of my spellin’. I looked up sum of the words I had problems workin’ out fer myself in grammas ol’ dictionary (like that there word!), but mosly I jus rite like I was lerned.
Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces is adult literature that satirizes famous children's stories, fables and fairy tales. The work is Jay Dubya's twenty-first e-book available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook.
Deer Ann;
