Though the basic story line isn't new, this version isn't bad. I enjoyed reading it. But I would have had James show up just as she was about to step off the cliff, as you don't have your character do much between the cliff scene and when he does arrive. You could have had a lot of fun with that--was it really him, after she has accepted his death? Or was it his spirit sent to welcome her over to the other side, to help her jump? Just as she teeters on the brink of falling... Don't tell us what she does, let us learn when you cut to the telling it to the grandkids part.
To follow up another reviewer's mention of your using the word "thus." I agree it doesn't belong. Replace with "this way."
Reviewed by Mr. Sullivan
6/26/2002
Great story! Now make it a novel.
Reviewed by Mike
3/2/2002
Maybe it is cliche, but I liked it.
Reviewed by Helen Companion
3/2/2002
Descriptions are good, writing is basically good. I think you are trying too hard to be archaic in language (thus) and the poltline of the story is rather cliche.
I'm sorry if this is harsh. It's a tendency i have...
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