The memory of my very first day when I started primary school
My first day at school was like a transition from dreamland to a concentration camp . I was just one of the hundreds of other children being detained in a room inside the walls of this detention centre .
The teacher was one of the guards who had been hired as a baby snatcher . The only thing that I learnt that day was that my mother had abandoned me in a place where no one knew who I was and I knew no one who was there .
So, for the first time in my life, I was lost in a place with no escape .
There were no words of consolation , no compensation and for the trauma and suffering I was going through there was no sedation ,
I spent most of that day trying to hide my tears underneath the desk that I was allocated .
My face had been blackened by my dirty hands in my efforts to wipe away my tears .
The classroom teacher at one stage took all of us children outside to a concrete area called the schoolyard and made us stand in a circle to perform some ancient ritual dance she called , “Ring A Ring A Rosie .”
At that stage I was ready to make a run for it, but the gates were shut and I had nowhere to run to. At the point of emotional exhaustion and the end of my wits , I went into complete shutdown . In a state of frozen silence and physical collapse I remained inconsolable until my mother arrived to take me home from that
awful place . My Mammy had a long talk with the teacher and I was hoping she had told her that I would never again be returning to back to this place ever again .
As we home, she held my hand and asked ,
“So, tell me what was school like today ?”
I was too distressed to speak so I never spoke . Then on the way home it started to rain and I never had a raincoat .
My hair was wet and my clothes got soaked .
I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me .
It was one of those days I have never forgotten .
When we got home, she said to me .
“Your first day at school is over so from now you’ll see it will get better “
Maybe those words were supposed to make me feel better but to be honest they only made it worse .
To this very day I still recall the inside of that classroom and the outside schoolyard and my first day spend there seemed like an eternity
The playground games were more of a punishment for a child at five years of age. Something had happened to me on that day that change my perception of life and where I was at . I think on that day I had experienced a forced growth maturity inside myself and I believe that I also had quickly aged overnight and in the morning I was more than ready and willing to go to school. The more I think about that day now As an adult the experience of my first day at school was more like shock therapy treatment in an asylum . The next day I had forgotten everything about the previous day at school and
was even willing to walk on my own to school , I told my mother .
“It’s ok Mammy , I can go by myself to school “
She looked a little sad when I told her that .
“Are you sure ?
She asked me and I replied .
“I’m a big boy now Mammy . Don’t worry “
Spoken Word
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A poignant story about letting go of a narcissist in your life. Have you ever been attacked FULL force by a narcissist? It's the closest thing to being stabbed over and over in the back.
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