A month ago I moved West from the "Berkeley of the East" aka "Amherst, Massachusetts". I found a room in a huge old victorian. The room reminds me of a stately study in a quaint and beautiful New England library.
I live near 41st and Telegraph. It's less than a mile to Whole Foods, not far from Berkeley center. ...Turns out my new residence just happens to be located 2 blocks from my estranged nephew. After I found my digs I was going to try to re-connect with him, anyway. My sister, Lee, who was his mom passed away from cancer about six years ago....
I can't help but wonder, "Did she set this up ? Do people in fact become More powerful after they shed their bodies? "
A man with 2 small girls walks towards me as I make my way to Piedmont for coffe. All three of them are dressed in traditional African garb and clearly, he's teaching them a song. I stop, asking to take their photo.
"Yes, if you send me a copy."
"I'd love to!"
Before I walk on he says, "You moved to Berkeley with divine guidance."
I laugh, "I can believe it."
As we pass I hear his little girls ask, "Daddy, can we see her again?"
I feel special- and yes-- blessed.
Things do tend to fall into place after you rid yourself of a five-bedroom house of clutter and leave your lifetime supports and to start a new life where you can be outside more and, hopefully, get to that writing.
The sacrifice of familial and friendship community was an enormous investment in a better life,
or at least hopefull, a less stressful, more creative one. I am lonely sometimes but I have space, mental
space with endless possibilities, a good room with good light and oak woodwork that says to me that this is
the study of a serious writer; "Shhhh."
I am that professional, that writer, and I say to myself, "hey, what’s the hurry? Where’s the fire? Why act like you have a merciless boss who will fire you? Slow down and enjoy this, you worked so hard for this. Don’t reinvent your stress wheel. There is no reason to do so. The kids are all right. You did it. Now attend to what you want. Hey, don’t eat that...."
"OK," I say to the mom in my head I never before listened to.
This is, must be what they mean by "Grace"... this time of mid life change.
The crisis is indeed- as the Chinese say- an opportunity.
Things had gotten so tiresome. I finally fell all the way through the
pressure in my East Coast life and what do you know: I didn’t die. I lived.
Life reinvents is all if we can just hang on. As if my life were a lover, I let it come inside me so that I can grow something new; something that was only burdensome for my not knowing what it would be. I carried my urge to birth myself forth into the
paradise of the bay area. I walk and drink water. I will not buy a car. I will not support blood for gasoline at this time in the world. I walk and I see things I never saw before and people stop and chat and the world is my living room. Room to live.
I am reuniting with my daughter after ten years ago when she moved out here herself and broke my heart. My
new the roommate just happens to know her. And not only that but when I called this house where I now live, about the room and left a message, I got one back saying this: "If this is Tova, you can move in." Now the woman HAPPENED to think I was an old Tova friend she once knew. At the
same time, I knew I would indeed move in.
There is something in a name. My name means God is Good. I thought it meant through God. I chose it during my divorce, thinking it was a good reminder of how I would survive the worst times. Now I find it is a koan, a thing to repeat to myself and ponder. That God is Good. God is Good minus one "o".
Knowing that God is good reminds me to be aware that what is good is what is everlasting. As I choose to
feed the Good with reverence for the living, I find these synchronicities continue helping things fall into place in times when I need them most; these days of emergence of some old stories into new creations that are there for me when I want them and gone when I choose to sleep late or meditate. My work is my primary relationship and it always gives me honest feedback, it's there for me and doesn't impinge on my sanity or my time.
Our culture has taught us to believe in many ideas which aren't actually real. Exposing these illusions allows us to recover the power to live our lives according to our deepest desires.
Because we have an opportunity to choose our attitude and focus our intentions in the present moment, the world and our own personal lives are a reflection of our thoughts. It is our 360 degree review on how we think. Put simply, our job is to fully
Our culture has taught us to believe in many ideas which aren't actually real. Exposing these illusions allows us to recover the power to live our lives according to our deepest desires.
