OH, WHAT A FOOL!
Miles McKinley drowsily stared around the cool, white room that soothed his raw nerves. He remembered finally where he was, and suddenly a dull ache began to throb in his head. Hospitals always scared him, but this time seemed different. The serenity of this cubicle allowed Miles to relax, but he knew the drugs would wear off soon and reality would smack him in the face. An explanation would be needed. Relaxation time was over.
Miles thought groggily, "Leona is going to kill me." Leona was pacing frantically outside, hoping Miles would soon awaken. She gazed into his room, noticing he was coming around.
"How are you feeling?"
Miles focused his eyes on her, "I'm feeling great. Never better."
"You won't say that when the drugs wear off."
"These are some great drugs. Too bad you can't buy these over the counter." Miles rambled incoherently for a few minutes. He knew the tough question was coming, and he was buying time.
Leona caught on and fired the question, "What happened?"
"Well, I had the Bar Exam test today. I read the first couple of questions, -- panicked, --and the next thing I knew I'm lying here in this room."
The anger bubbled inside Leona, but she knew this was not the place to confront him. The time would come soon enough.
Careers and stress defined the relationship between Miles and Leona. Leona and Miles left the hospital seemingly in good spirits on their way to Leona's apartment, but the volcano was about to erupt.
"Miles, the boss told me today that I have to go to the home office next week. I'll be gone for about six months."
"But, honey, what about our wedding? The priest set out date for three months from tomorrow. Will you be ready?"
"We're going to have to postpone the wedding. I don't think you're ready to get married anyways."
"Why do you say that?" Miles asked a bit hurt.
"Marriages have problems, Miles, even the best marriages. I can't have a husband that winds up in the hospital every time something stressful comes up," Leona said matter-of-factly.
"I promise that won't happen again. You have my word," Miles said sincerely.
"Don't worry, Miles. We have some time to think about things. Maybe we'll be ready in six months. We'll see."
The anxiety and paleness slowly left Miles' face. Time was on his side, and he was sure he could persuade Leona into the marriage. Relaxation and rest were the only things that Miles allowed to enter his mind.
Leona's phone call was not expected for a few days, so Miles tried to decide on a career since his lawyering days were over. Money and power turned Leona on. To be the perfect mate and companion, Miles had to provide a good life with all the amenities for her. He knew this to be true . Plain old love would not keep her happy.
Early the next morning the shrill ringing of the telephone woke up a cranky Miles. Stumbling to the phone, he wondered, "Could it be Leona calling to talk about the wedding?" Disoriented and dizzy from the quick rush of blood to the head, he grabbed the phone. Stunned by the time glowing on his radio, he answered in a cranky tone.
"Hello! Miles?"
"Yeah, this is me. Who's this?"
"This is Ms. Leona Buchanan's secretary. She wanted me to phone to let you know she will be home tomorrow around noon."
"Thanks a lot. You made my day."
Miles enthusiastically showered and dressed for a trip to the jewelry store. The time had come for him to buy the wedding bands. He knew within a week that he would marry the woman of his dreams.
His bank account could not afford the expensive ring that Leona deserved, but the salary a photographer made would provide the symbol of everlasting love and commitment, even though it wasn't 24 - Carat gold.
The anticipation of her arrival made the day fly by, even though she would not be there until the next day. The day came, and Miles waited impatiently at the airport. When she entered the baggage claim area, he could see the bad news about to be lain on him written all over her face. They shared welcoming remarks that were more suitable for two old college friends reuniting after a long time apart instead of a loving couple about to take the plunge. Conversation about the wedding would or would not happen until Leona was properly fed and pampered at the Royal Ritz.
Atmospheric pressure in Miles' room rose to an all-time high when the two arrived home from their evening out - an evening that Miles really could not afford. Tension crept slowly up the back of Miles' head as Leona prepared to unleash her feelings of doubt about their impending wedding.
"I think we should delay the wedding for a couple more months."
"Why?" Miles uttered, knowing full well that he was losing her.
"I want more, Miles. I don't want to struggle on your income. If we marry, I'm going to have to quit my job because I won't be able to travel."
A disdainful frown appeared suddenly on Miles' face. Knowing that if he did not change his lifestyle, the love of his life and his reason for living would be gone, and he had to prevent that from happening. The wheels of thought and reasoning spun wildly inside his head as if a gerbil were running continuously on the play wheel. He knew what he had to do, and nothing was going to stand in his way.
Several weeks later, the musty and damp feeling of the examination room, which made the stress and tension pull his head to one side, scared Miles even more on this day. The Bar Exam would not wait, and neither would Leona if Miles' means of living were not significantly improved, an improvement he did not perceive as being necessary for happiness. Miles took a deep breath and started the exam.
Several months later, the phone rang impatiently waiting to be answered at Leona's deluxe, state-of-the-art condominium. Miles tapped his fingers on the hard oak desk that once belonged to his grandfather, anxiously waiting to hear Leona's somewhat husky voice on the other end. After five extremely long rings, Leona answered in her usual bitchy tone.
"Hello, it's me honey."
"What do you want, Miles?" Leona asked impatiently.
"Skip the sarcasm, honey. I got good news. I just got off the phone with Mr. Sterling from Leyland, Lansing and Sterling."
"What did you do now? You're not in jail, are you?"
"No, but some will think what I'll be doing is criminal. I have just been hired as the newest corporate litigator at Leyland, Lansing and Sterling. I think it's time for you to come home so we can be married. My new income will provide us with a comfortable living. It's time, babe!"
Leona could not believe the message, although she knew that Miles had the potential to be a great litigator. Images of white doves, a huge cathedral, and a cruise ship enroute to the Virgin Islands displayed themselves on the pastel wallpaper as she threw her designer clothes in a Louis Vuitton suitcase. Her dreams of being wed to a successful, powerful man that wore silk suits were about to come to life. She was now happy for the first time since she met Miles a year and a half ago, and Miles was getting what he truly wanted too.
Six months passed. The newly united couple were adjusting perfectly to the trials and tribulations of living under the same roof. Leona begrudgingly stayed at home while Miles brought home the bacon, even though her career was important to her. She committed to the idea of letting Miles feel important and to rebuilding his once fragile ego.
The stress and hassles at the frantic-paced office began to affect the new litigator, but showing a tough exterior was the most important thing Miles could do. If he allowed Leona to see his tension and frustration, she would lose the respect she had for him totally. A drink of Scotch at the club would soothe those raw nerves that were upended at the office. Only one Scotch could find its way into the hyperacidic stomach because dinner reservations were occupying the leisure time he had after work.
"See you later, Mr. McKinley. Do you still intend to dine in the private dining room tonight?" Miles'secretary inquired.
Miles arrived a few minutes later at the upscale restaurant. He didn't quite here the maitre'd when he inquired about his reservation. The room was spinning before him. Miles knew something was wrong, but he did not let on to the maitre'd.
"I'm sorry, Jean Luc, my mind was wondering. What did you say?"
"Do you still prefer to dine in the private dining room?"
"Yes sir, Jean Luc. I have important business tonight."
After dinner, Jean Luc sent for Miles' cherry red Porsche. Miles knew he had to rush home to be on time, but flowers were on his mind. Miles loved to pamper Leona even though he knew that she was not completely in love with him. He had sincerely believed that once she married him, she would fall hard for him. The roses would be a step in the right direction. Leona loved yellow roses, so buying the roses would brighten her day for sure. A half mile from the restaurant, on a long and winding road, Miles stopped at a roadside "Rosie" to buy a dozen yellow roses. As he was pulling out from the turn-around, the dizziness struck him like lightning out of the sky. He momentarily lost feeling and control throughout his body; but when the feeling returned, his foot fell heavily on the accelerator of the sports car.
Leona angrily paced the hardwood floors of the condo, almost wearing a permanent trail out on the wood. As she climed out of the lavish, evening dress, the doorbell rang.
"If that's you Miles, just turn around and leave. I don't want to see you ever again, at least until you learn how to tell time," shouted Leona at the door. She opened the door to find a uniformed State Trooper standing erect in her line of sight. The anger started to show on her round face.
"What did he do now, officer? Is he in the Emergency Room for an anxiety attack? I swear he'll never know how to handle pressure." Leona was quickly interrupted by the State Trooper.
"Mrs. McKinley, I have some bad news. Earlier this evening your husband was involved in a head-on collision." The officer paused before continuing, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but your husband died at the scene."
Leona stoically thanked the State Trooper and he was quickly dismissed as she tried to think of what to do, whether to go to the funeral home to make arrangements or to wait to hear from the coroner. No emotions showed; an awestruck feeling prevailed.
The funeral came and went within three days; days that drained Leona with the thoughts of what she would do with the rest of her life. "I don't want to think about that now," she thought. "The only thing I have in my life right now is time. Damn you, Miles. Why did you do this? I'm too young to be a widow wearing black."
A week after the crash while Leona was getting over this episode in her life, a letter arrived by messenger. It read:
Dear Mrs. McKinley:
An autopsy was performed on your husband, Miles McKinley, soon after the motor vehicle accident. It is a law that we perform an autopsy after a suspicious accident and we are held responsible for informing the victim's family of our findings. The cause of death was a massive head injury. The apparent cause of the accident was Mr. McKinley's careening into the path of a delivery truck. The suspected cause of his pulling into the path of the oncoming truck is a reaction between his anxiety medication and Scotch whiskey. This probably made his reactions slower and his senses duller. Dizziness and temporary blindness could have occurred after the Scotch reacted with the anxiety medication. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Once again, I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Sincerely,
Dr. Adrian McDowell
Logan County Pathologist
Leona's heart sank to a new low, a lowness that she never experienced before. For the first time since she met Miles, she truly understood the sacrifices he made for her and the love that killed him. She cried sincerely for Miles, and she meant it, not for her own loss, but because Miles never heard her say she loved him. With her fists clenched and her cheeks soaked, she fell to her knees. Looking toward heaven, she screamed repeatedly, "I loved you Miles. I truly loved you."
The first step to becoming a whole person had begun. Clyde ran over to Leona and licked her face as if he were consoling her. In a strange way the little Boston Bulldog was taking Miles' place and filling the void. She was thankful for Clyde, a present that was given to her, from Miles, on Valentine's Day just a few weeks before.
