Ding-ding.
You look in the direction of the disturbance.
Ding-ding.
Well. Couldn't anybody answer the call?
Ding-ding.
You realise, that being without wife or girlfriend or friend, the only anybody here is you, and glance at the phone hoping the rings will suffocate in a moment.
Nope. Somebody really wants to speak with you, for a change.
Sighing and sliently sending the caller to the faraway dark place, you answer the call.
You have an interview tomorrow.
After half-year of seeking any job, at last somebody asked you to show yourself.
So, you need to look neat.
You go to the kitchen and take from the left drawer your only trousers.
.
You look closely at them.
You need to patch those old trousers.
You have a hole.
In the best place.
The best because you cannot see it.
A bit under your rear pocket.
You know, the place that touches the seat of the chair most of the time.
You do not want to show your underpants to others, so need to find a patch and sew it.
How to sew you already learned.
Now you will discover the ways of unsewing.
Because the only piece of material suitable for the patch is the other patch that you so unsparingly used
before.
You just need to unsew it, cut in half and sew it inconspicuously back.
Then you can patch your hole.
Simple? Is it not?
If you know how.
But what happens if you don’t?
And have nobody to delegate to?
And have no time to give birth to a child, wait till grown up and ask for help?
You should do it by yourself.
So, first step for unsewing is going to the kitchen.
Open the upper drawer.
Take out a glass.
Clean it from dust.
Now you see that it is not dust, so wash it.
Go to the bedroom.
Using the bottle under the pillow, fill up the glass.
Return to the unsewing place.
Put the glass on the table.
.
Step two - go to the kitchen.
Open the middle drawer.
Take a pack of cigarets and return to the unsewing place.
Put the pack near the glass.
.
Step three - go to the bedroom.
Take the ashtray from the windowsill.
Throw all the buds through the window and go to the sewing place.
Sorry, return back and go to the unsewing place.
Sorry. Did not know it is the same place.
.
Step four - go to the kitchen.
Open the drawer where the cigarets were and take out matches.
Not there?
Hmm.
Go to the neighbour and ask matches back.
Return home, take sugar, return to the neighbour and exchange his sugar for your matches.
Return to the unsewing place.
Sit down and begin to unsew.
.
The forgotten step five - find scissors, needle, screwdriver and a hammer.
You don’t know where is the needle?
Go to the fridge and put a Post-it note to return to that doctor who said you have no problems with your
memory.
He was wrong, so you can take back your “thank you” chocolate box.
Still don’t find the needle?
Try in How to sew blog.
You see. It was all the time there.
Now, put everything in place and begin to work:
1) Lit a cigaret
2) Drink down the content of the glass
3) Take a breath of the cigaret
4) Go and refill the glass
5) return to 1 through 4 at least 3 times.
6) Extinguish all unused cigarets. Take the last of used one and throw through the window.
7) Take the patch into your hand and see if you can cut some protruding thread with your teeth.
8. Take out the broken tooth.
9) Anesthetize the place by going to 1 through 6
10) The revised 7) - This time try to use scissors on thread.
11) Try to raise this thread with the needle in order that scissors could penetrate between it and the material.
12) after 7 unsuccessful tries, you are permitted to use the hammer. Take your nerves out on the table.
13) after 7 more unsuccessful tries, you are permitted to use the screwdriver - drink it.
14) Now, as you are totally p***up, you simply cut around the patch. You have it!
15) Sit comfortably in your armchair and go through steps 1 to 6.
16) Go to sleep.
