As the curtains sway to the tune of the breeze, I hold your hand in mine and let the world go by. My thoughts take us back in time and I smile as I had when I saw you the first time. I knew you were the one I wanted to live the rest of my life with. It has been 18 years since we married - a journey of growth I would say.

 

Strange isn't it, how time changes the way we see things. Over the years, you grew from being my friend to fiancé to wife to the mother of my kids to homemaker.

 

Day after day, you watched over me as I left for work. You stood by the door waving till my car was no more. There was always patience in your eyes and a smile so warm that the years flew by us in a wink. I feel blessed to have you by my side. 

 

Life has been fast paced. But you made it fulfilling. You stood by the decisions I made – professional and personal. You encouraged me when I hit a rough spot at work. We took on a business of our own. "It will be good for the kids," you assured. You even helped me budget our resources.

 

Every time I stumbled you picked me up with a smile. You kept the conversations going even when I had nothing to say. The bursts of laughter, the giggles, the impromptu drives, the midnight snacks, the chocolates, the cookies, the cards, the surprises - there was always a link that you never broke.

 

Success didn't come easy, work kept me occupied. And I've never looked back since. I recall how I irked at the times when you disturbed me to know if I'm all right.

 

 

"Hello handsome, when are you getting home?"

 

 

 

"Lots to do, speak to you later!"

 

 

 

"Do you want me to pick your clothes from the laundry?"

 

 

 

"Use your head for a change!"

 

 

 

"Is the steak done right?"

 

 

 

"Can't you see I'm on the phone!"

 

 

 

A beep breaks my train of thoughts. It's John from the office. He understands that today is different from the rest and I want to be with you alone. We speak in few words.

 

 

My grip on your hand grows stronger; my lips undo the smile they wore. I take in every detail of your being, the pale skin on your lovely face, the hazel locks that flow to your shoulders, the chipped nails on your roughened hands. This moment feels like a dream.

 

For years you've looked after the finer details of the family – without a complaint. You've given me the opportunity to become who I am. I kiss your hand and let my heart speak, "I know that in the daily run of life, I left you lonely. Distance was not meant to be part of my chase. Sorry…for the many times I saw past your eyes. Sorry…for the moments I didn't own up to your dreams. Sorry…for the smiles I missed to catch."

 

The door creaks open, Pete walks in. My eyes meet his. I feel belittled. He brings in your favourite flowers - moist and fresh. "Grandpa called, he said he should get here in sometime. The others are also on their way," he says. He rests a kiss on your forehead and stands by my side for strength.

 

I wait for your lips to smile one more time, but they don't. There is a piercing silence. "Dad, you have to let go now. We need you." says Pete, his voice choking with loss.

 

 "I am fine, we'll be fine," I lie, knowing the reality I cannot deny. I hold back the tear that wants to leave my eye and watch the silent monitor that was humming to the beat of your heart.

 

The last I spoke to you was when you were on your way to work, "Call me later, I'm in a meeting." A faint goodbye was all you said.