The Motor City and the LSD 25 Used Car Salesman in the 25th Century or Go See Cal Worthington!
I can see the future of auto dealership with those high pressure salesmen wearing tin foil helmets to ward of evil death rays from Link Ray Ray Guns that of course will abound and confound as they try to extract all the MSRP space bucks from the safety of your space suit pockets. Flying vehicles, underwater personal submarines (they only come in yellow, by the way) to cruise the Octopus’ Garden.
Time travel will be a way of life. Wanna see the Christians get eaten by lions? Hell, set the cruise control switch to Roman Empire and and enjoy the carnival of carnivores at the Coliseum, two shows every day plus a gladiator matinee.
Soon time travel dealerships dotting the globe. “Now this model is used, but it was owned by a little old lady from Pasadena, England near Yorkshire, a widow in fact, who only used it on Sundays to visit the Crucifixion every week. It’s got Low mileage, keenly economical and rock steady.
Then of course for the sportsman we have the powerful 12 cylinder model that will go from 1916 to the Atomic Age in under 60 seconds. I see you’re admiring the Family Model. Astute you are sir. It’s not only a time machine, but a camper as well! Imagine hitting the old Appian Way as you know all roads lead to Rome. Rather than paying an arm and leg in bullion bars to stay at the pricey Colosseum Hilton and Christian Casino you can camp on the banks of the Tiber River cheaply.
Want sporty? Hell, why not slip behind the gizmos of the Chariot Muscle Time Machine. That puppy will beat any sedan model to the Gladiator fights anyday. This model is the Cassius Fordius Maximus Shelby Mustang Time Machine. It eats paved stone roads for breakfast!”
Yep, I can see Wells’ future and it scares the hell out of me. Too many people zipping through time warps and eras there’s bound to be collisions as I noticed Wells’ machine didn’t have any turn signals! Not that people today use them anyway!
Time Travel NASCAR??? Rev it up! You can use them to race through time competitively...you in one machine, a competitor in the other. You both set the machine to a time period, say to the future 2918….on your mark, get set...engage! First one across the time barrier finish line to reach it wins!! Perhaps a small wager has been placed, it’s the same as Ascot Races but no horses or fancy dress and parasols!” he exclaimed. “These time machines can flex their muscle in creative competition while wearing ballet slippers executing choreographed spin-outs and rollovers due to a hopped up need for speed. It’s the new way to achieve self-sexual gratification of the mind as you open the time dimension throttle, slam a century into gear and hope for a time travelers orgasm of history, pre-history and history yet to come.”
I could see it now, move over Barney Oldfield and Louis Chevrolet...Time Travel Racing is here creating a whole culture of managers, agents, pit crews and fans that follow the circuit. The time machine will need periodic maintenance during the rigorous tortures of time and space on the vortex leaping track. This is where the pit crew comes into play racing to the pits to change the capacitors, check the electrical currents and copper wiring, the oil and a myriad of other marvelous sci fi mechanical issues that may manifest itself in the Machines manifold.
It’s a jigsaw puzzle of a marvelous scientific mosaic where all the pieces must function in a unique pattern of harmony as one, you know the old “planets are perfectly aligned” crap, or kosmic karma, as though the Dalai Lama were at the controls passing through villages in Tibet with a Henry Ford Model T tank full of high octane mysticism and proverbs.
For the suburbanite family get campy and fuel up the kick ass classic D-Lysergic 25 rocket camper manufactured at the still truckin’ along Timothy Leary assembly plant with factories located under the rocky surface of Aldous Huxley-1, the ninth moon of the Planet Woodstock. At one time they were the premier prestige vehicle manufacturers of interplanetary travel campers thanks to two engineers, Mr. Haight and Mr. Ashbury who also designed the tie-dyed color scheme and sleek aerodynamics to ensure the vehicle would go Further.
The company now was king of the space road dwarfing the no longer made Volkspacevagen made on Venus...and the yellow dwarf Yugo Gremlin from the Phlegm sector.
OK, so the LSD-25 isn’t pretty, but it does have a souped up metallic hydrogen power plant with modified twin SRB solid propellant boosters to give the 25 enough juice to escape a planet’s gravity to go boldly into space to galaxies far far away. She may look like spaceshit, but when when the space shit hits the Van Allen Sansa Belt Action Zone, it’s time to break on through to the other side past the magnetosphere and get ready to wax your woody and ride the wild surf of space.
The Shelby LSD-25 is a beast!!! Power! Sexy!! “I tell ya, Sir, this thing has a Nuclear Propulsion system built for a real he man rocket man such as yourself. It’s based on the joint US & British designed HTRE-3 or Heat Transfer Reactor Experiment no. 3. The central core reactor, took the place of chemical fuel combustion to heat the air. The reactor rapidly raises the temperature via an air heat exchanger and powered the four J47 engines in the craft. “It has extremely high thrust and propellant efficiency. The unprecedented extreme power requirements for doing so would be met by nuclear rocket booster detonations without attempting to contain them in internal structures and hell We can add some color and have her pimped to the max, you know a real a head turner...and she’ll make to the moon and back with a nuclear family of five.
We just got done building a mobile for Batman with all the frills and enough gadgets to make an erector set envious. Not only that, Kato left yesterday with the souped up Green Hornet’s ‘Black Beauty’ now we have the Holy Grail of G-Force. A lowrider UFO with a hydraulics and pump heads to make it sing and dance in East LA, added a logo to complete the look, a Pin Up Girl riding a rocket. Pretty phallic yes?” So get ready for the future...and don’t worry about turn signals...or mid air mid vortex … or even mid time warp ….collisions will be plentiful anyway!
