Linus steps out of the office and into the break room. There isn’t much to do right now. Production is shut down and there are no ongoing projects.
The break room looks empty. No, down in a dark corner sits one of his colleagues, deeply absorbed in his phone. He doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care, that Linus walks in. He was sitting there already in the morning and doesn’t seem to have moved an inch during the first two hours.
Linus sighs and walks over to the coffee machine. He looks at the menu. Nothing he feels like. He looks again. Still nothing. Linus takes a cup of black coffee.
While the machine spits and hisses the coffee out, Linus thinks about how he’s supposed to pass the day. All documentation from the past few months is finished. There are no new assignments to prepare. He’s already cleaned the office three times this week, and it’s only Thursday. Maybe clean it once more?
But there’s nothing left to clean. Maybe he should throw all the papers, documents, instructions, and manufacturer manuals wildly around the office. Then at least there’d be something to do. But who has the energy for that?
Linus grabs his mug and drags himself back to the office. Erik is still sunk into his phone in the corner.
Become an engineer, they said. It’s a fun and inspiring job. Yeah, right. Maybe somewhere. Just not here.
Linus enters the office and drops into his chair. He puts his feet up on the desk and stares almost apathetically out the window.
A small sapling catches his eye. Sure enough, it’s a little birch tree that’s taken root in the moss in the gutter on the neighboring building. Amazing. Maybe it’s time for building maintenance to clean the gutters. They probably will. Someday. Some year.
The sapling sways gently back and forth in the weak summer breeze. Linus can’t take his eyes off it. He sips his coffee and keeps watching.
Linus leans his head back and closes his eyes for a long while before opening them again and looking at his desk. Everything is stacked neatly. It looks wrong. You can’t work with a tidy desk.
He needs to restore the desk to its proper state. But first, check email. For the fourth time in two hours. Nothing has come in before, but you never know.
Linus logs in. No new emails. Damn it.
Linus looks at the neat stack of work orders closest to the edge of the desk. A light kick with his left foot and the whole pile slides onto the floor. Oops. How clumsy. Now he has to sort them again. But oops, there goes a stack of instructions too. Clumsy as hell.
Linus sits there staring at the piles of paper spread out over the floor and sighs. That’s way too much work before lunch. Linus checks the clock. 10:20. The lunch restaurant opens at 11:00.
Linus lets out a deep groan.
But if he goes the long way, through the workshop, past the storage area, and over to the transport office, it should take at least thirty minutes. Forty if he walks really slowly.
Yes. That’s the plan. He can clean after lunch. Linus plows through the papers once with his feet, making tractor noises as he goes, until he reaches the door. He takes a quick look at the floor and then out the window at the little birch tree. It’s still swaying in the wind, so Linus waves at it before closing the door and starting to walk.
It’s obvious that it’s low season. Hardly anyone around anywhere. From the workshop comes the bright light of someone welding. At least someone has work to do. Or maybe the welder is just welding two pieces of metal together only to cut them apart again with an angle grinder and then weld them back together.
Linus wonders if he should go over and see what the person is doing, but changes his mind and continues his round. He checks the time. 10:35. How is that possible? It feels like an hour ago he was in the office. Linus groans out loud and keeps walking.
Well, at least the sun is shining.
Lost in thought, Linus suddenly realizes he’s standing outside the lunch restaurant. How the hell did he get here? He turns around and looks back the way he came. He barely remembers walking there at all.
Maybe he ran into an alien who erased his memory. That’s why he doesn’t remember. Linus smiles to himself and opens the door. Five to eleven, but it’s unlocked and the food is already out. Thursday, could it be pea soup and pancakes? Sure enough.
Linus loads his plate generously with both soup and pancakes before heading over to his usual seat. Most people are already on vacation, but with a bit of luck maybe someone he usually talks to and eats with will show up. No one does. Not during the entire ninety-minute lunch.
Linus looks out the window. Up the hill, past the parking lot, toward the brick building that houses his office. Maybe he should go back and pick up the papers. Organize them in some new way so he won’t be able to find what he’s looking for after vacation. That could be fun. Maybe. Doubtful, but worth a try.
Twenty-five minutes later he’s back in the office. He puts on his headphones and starts Spotify, some heavy metal always helps.
Just as Linus steps into the office, one of his favorite Helloween songs comes on. Linus launches into air guitar and plays along with the solo. A long solo. When it ends, he turns toward the door to close it. There stands his boss, Ove, staring at him with eyes like saucers and his mouth wide open, looking like a stunned birdhouse.
“What are you doing?” Ove looks at Linus, then at the mess on the floor.
“I’m doing a major cleanup and purge. Can’t you tell?” Linus gives a crooked smile. “By the way, aren’t you on vacation?”
“I am, but I forgot something in the office. Just picking it up and then I’m leaving again.” Linus gives Ove a thumbs-up.
“Enjoy the rest of your vacation.” Linus closes the door as Ove walks away.
Well then. Time to clean. Again. Fourth time in four days. Fun. Sigh.
Linus sits down in his chair and looks at the mess. He looks out at the birch tree. “What do you think, little tree, should I clean today?” The tree keeps swaying in the wind. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Linus starts picking papers up off the floor. If he drags it out long enough, it could probably take the rest of the day. An extra-long coffee break should do the trick.
He picks up the papers one by one and sorts them into piles. Not neat piles. Sloppy piles. So it feels like home.
He works for a long time, and soon everything is back on the desk again. Surely it must be getting close to quitting time now. Linus checks the clock. 13:45. How is that possible? HOW. IS. THAT. POSSIBLE?
He sits back down and stares at the clouds. Big, white cumulus clouds. He’s decided. Enough is enough. Just suffer through fifteen more minutes and then it’s allowed to flex out.
He leans back and closes his eyes. Starts the music again. Four songs, that has to be more than fifteen minutes. Time crawls, but eventually it’s time. For the first time all day, Linus feels energized. He springs out of the chair and hurries down to the entrance. Jogging over to the time clock. 13:59:55, 13:59:56, 13:59:57, 13:59:58, 13:59:59. Linus quickly enters his four-digit code and presses flex out. 14:00:01. Damn it. One second too late. Oh well. I’ll do better tomorrow.
I love that picture of the plant growing out of the camera.
You have captured the fate of those who clock in and out and don't have enough to do all day or completely boring work and can't wait to leave soon after they arrive every day. Unfortunately, those jobs are prime targets for consultants who come in and make things more efficient by laying people off… permanently.
From another viewpoint, when the work orders suddenly get all organized on the desk, Linus notices that each time that happens, that sapling grows taller. But the clock still shows dragging like you show in the story.
As though Linus is now in a time warp where everything is not what it seems.
The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me is adult satirical humor featuring adult language and adult content, and the work is a parody of the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy.
Linus steps out of the office and into the break room. There isn’t much to do right now. Production is shut down and there are no ongoing projects.
