The bullet that should
have gone dead center
in the kid’s forehead
entered just above his
ear instead.
Prologue
Travis Hollen guided Nell down into the grassy draw. Glad he had put on that poncho after all he mused. He hadn’t really wanted to, but Ma just insisted that he take it with him. Kinda cold out here this time of the morning he thought. Travis knew that it was sure to get hot later in the day. He reckoned he would tell Ma about the blossoms on the apple tree just this side of the ravine. Maybe he thought, I’ll just stop and get a branch of them for her on my way back. Ma always liked pretty things. Likes apple blossoms. He had seen a little bunch of cows huddled together down in the sheltered area in the middle of the arroyo. Was the spot they favored for birthin’ calves. The fourteen-year-old had set out astride the mare quick as the sun showed over the horizon. Pa said last night at suppertime that he wanted the cattle counted by the time he got back from hauling the load for Mr. Hammond. Uncle Perry and Pa let their cattle run across all the land owned. Had near nine hundred acres between the two of them. Nothing like what Mr. Walker had, but was plenty for them.
Travis kinda liked coming out alone to check on the cattle. Ma fixed him up a lunch with corn bread and a lunch bucket of beans. And she had wrapped up the last of the pie that they had for supper last night and gave that to him as well. Of course both of his brothers had asked if they could come along too. Quick as they did the girls all started in too. Even Katie the three year old. Travis grinned thinking about it. Perry and John just wanted an excuse for not going to school. Pa saw right through their arguments that Travis might need help. Pa said no, the boys was to go on to school.
Pa said next year he might ask Mr. Hammond for a job for Travis driving one of the Hammond delivery wagons. Travis looked forward to it. He didn’t care much for the school his pa and the others built last year. Ma already taught him his letters and his numbers. Pa said he had enough learning to do what he had to do. Travis figured to be a rancher like Pa and Uncle Perry.
Three wary cows eyed him from the shelter of the draw, sure enough Travis saw three new calves on the ground between their feet. Nearby stood four more cows. With a practiced eye Travis took in the heaving sides and wide eyes of two more of the critters. Reckon there will be two more calves right smart he thought. Them other two standing over by the little spring will be a little longer. Pa and Uncle Perry will be glad for the news he mused, this brings it to fourteen new calves this week.
Travis tugged the reins turning Nell just as the impassive, dark eyed man who had been watching him for the better part of an hour squeezed the trigger. The crack of the rifle sounded loud from the copse of cottonwoods down at the far end of the draw. Travis heard the noise but had no time to react. The bullet that should have gone dead center in the kid’s forehead entered just above his ear instead. The youngster slid to the ground as the mare reared. Nell tore out of the draw and headed for the house.
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Prologue of my book in progress: first time to attempt Western genre
copyright 2002 molly martin
Reviewed by LgP 4/17/2003
Molly,
I liked it very much, but I would like to see a little more detail when speaking about the surroundings. Kudos to you!
Reviewed by Amor Sabor 7/30/2002
I am not a fan of westerns...but you know how to write in a way that pulls me into a story and that is what matters to me most. That is what draws me in and keeps me there. Loved this prologue! You managed to slide in mystery and suspense from a unique angle. I love the wya you see things.
Amor
Reviewed by Lynda 7/27/2002
You have my attention, waiting with hat in hand for the rest of it.
Reviewed by Jeremy 7/27/2002
I liked this a lot, and I am not a Western afictionado. Good characters, memorable, and ties into real life events well.
Reviewed by Bianca Boonstra 7/26/2002
The prologue is sounding excellent. Looking forward to more :-)
Reviewed by Margaret 7/26/2002
Will this be a young adult's book? I have an 11-year old nephew who loves western themed boks, especially if the main character is a young boy.
Reviewed by Laura Coleman 7/26/2002
I like the western stories. Look forward to reading more.
Overall, an impressive passage. There is an folksy charm to the stream of consciousness style narrative that makes this easy to read, creating the authentic air of the western genre. However, there is a blatant POV shift in the first appearance of the shooter. The main character shouldn't have any idea how long the ambusher has been stalking him. If he'd known he was being stalked, he'd have done something earlier to save himself from being shot. Also, the attack comes out of left field. You may have wanted this for shock value, but I think you would have gotten more milage from the use of foreshadowing instead. You could have had the rider tensing his shoulderblades inexplicably, forcing himself to relax...wondering why he had the urge to look over his shoulder. You could have used a startled flight of crows to spook him a little--an indian type of omen--he could have counted the crows in flight, wondering about the significance of their number. A few touches like these would add tension, suspense, and increase the grip you have on your readers early own until you get to the action.
Boy, that opening packs a wallop! And as we've all been told over and over again, catch 'em in the beginning. If you keep this up, you've got a sure winner. Great narrative style, good ear for the character's voice. You crated our vision of Travis enough in this brief opening to have us care about him so we want to know more and are concerned about his future. Way to go, madame. ~~Nordette
Molly if this is your first time with the western genre, you have done a wonderful job with just the prologue alone. I can't wait to read the book. May the Lord be with you always, and at your side constanntly. With much Love, peace, & (((HUGS))), Barbie
I really hope that Travis doesn't die. I really developed a liking for the boy and hope it's not going to end like Janet Leigh in Psycho. A small scene. Really good job.
Dana
One of the many things I wanted to be when I was little was a cowboy!This little piece made me remember that dream! The writing solid & descriptive narrative right on target! Now we need to know what happen to Travis?
Molly such an interesting story line. I was pulled in by this prologue. Your writing just keeps getting better and better. Your original voice is delightful. Something nice should happen for you. You are a big boost to all of us who write for the love of it and hope for a little recognition.
Reviewed by Carol Chapman
4/24/2004
I could see the scene, you words painted a powerful image and the ending left me waiting and wanting more. I truly enjoyed this.
An adventure-filled time-travel western. Given a 5-star editorial review in 2020 by the InD'tale Magazine. "The weaving in of actual historical connections between the characters is fascinating. Fans of this genre will love the originality with the a
Story inspired by life of the author's great grandfather, a Black Cowboy who kidnapped his Native American bride after a cattle drive from Waco, TX to Dodge City, KS. Their story, him a master horseman and her a trained to be a healer with herbs and
An adventure-filled time-travel western. Given a 5-star editorial review in 2020 by the InD'tale Magazine. "The weaving in of actual historical connections between the characters is fascinating. Fans of this genre will love the originality with the a
