September, an alumni of ASU, bumps into her ex-boyfriend, Raymond Thomas, whos now a jazz musician twelve years later. She realizes that he was the love that got a way...
He had the kind of lips that made a sister want to dine on them forever and a day. I remember the first time I saw him at Sunny’s party on that hot summer day. It was September 3, 1992 and I was a Junior at Alcorn State University. I remember that my friends all made fun of me, because I was normally the quiet shy kind but when I glanced his way, soaked in his deep chocolate face and beautiful thick lips all I wanted was to shove all those girls out of his way so I could have him totally focused on me. I know it seems selfish but that was the way it was. Because for me, it was love at first sight. And even though it’s been quite some time since that very first moment, it brings chills to me.
When our eyes connected in that crowded room we both ignored the click of glasses and soaked each other’s presence. It was quite amazing because he was a Freshman at the time and I was an upper classman and all my girls made fun of me. Said I was about to turn out a ‘freshie’ but I couldn’t help it. There was a pull between our bodies. He was tall standing at six foot three inch of chocolate hard mass with a nice clean shaven ball head that I wanted to kiss instantly. I wanted to rip those clothes off his hard body and just devour him. It was some animal magnetism that I had inside of me that he brought out of me. I couldn’t help it. When I met Raymond James on that hot hot day back in 1992. It was something that I couldn’t forget. The way we merged each others personalities was damn near amazing. But that was then and this is now...
I mean, I should stop thinking about Raymond. He’s probably a huge heart throb by now. I mean, he has most likely forgotten how we used to sneak into EE Simmons Gymnasium to neck if there wasn’t a basketball game or some other activity. He used to whisper frantically into my sensitive ears, “Someday, September, I’m gonna marry you right on the red dusty fields of Henderson Stadium.” I used to laugh at him. He loved my name saying that I was his September forever and a day. I hated the unique name that my mom and dad gave me. All of my life I had endured some sort of joke about it. But I guess it’s kind of cool too. My best friend Sylvia always says that my name is a special one, just like me. She’s so supportive. But anyway, I can’t believe that he’s still in my head after all these years. It has been almost twelve years since I last seen him.
Maybe it’s because of the 75th year Anniversary of the school and the special telephone directory that was compiled with all the past alumni’s name and contact information. Yesterday I received my copy and I smiled as my fingers stopped in the J’s section. I immediately searched for Raymond’s name there and saw that he was listed as a Jazz Musician living right near Jackson, Mississippi. I guess we both stayed close to the home front.
I can’t believe that we are both living within miles of each other. That takes my breath away. Sylvia says I should call him but I can’t. My stomach wails an uneven passion underneath all my protests. I am too scared to even listen to his name through the phone. I think it’s because under all my numbness, there is still a love there. After all, he was the one that got away.
I shook my long black hair trying to drive those thoughts away as my busy fingers continued to massage my client, Corey Jones, a regular. It was only ten a.m. in the morning, but my clients were booked on a daily basis from as early as eight a.m because I work primarily with athletes and busy professionals who have stressful jobs and need to have a little harmony to start their days or in the middle of their days.
I let the light jazz music relax me as I finished massaging Corey’s thick shoulders. Stopping briefly to let him know I would be taking the fifteen minute break. “Corey, I’ll let you rest for a few minutes and be back okay.”
His deep timbre answered, “I’ll see you in a few.” He laid his head down on the comfortable blue and greyish massage table while I pulled the white towel over his tight body and quickly walked to the table to lower the volume on the silver and black radio and gently close the door.
I smooth down my black sweater and huggable stretch jeans walking heading down the hallway into the clean office where Sylvia and Chipper were laughing hysterically. “Ladies it’s too early to be having this much fun.”
I lift my brown lips to smile at the pair and place my tight rear into my black leather chair and swung it around to face my computer which was filled with nice sticky notes on it. My desk was cluttered with a lot of paper work include a new list of clients I started on this morning before Corey came in as well as receipts from last Friday’s clients. I still needed to hand all of it to my supervisor, Ms. Jima, and then figure out what my next check would be. Fortunately this was my part time job and had a few benefits, but it was time for me to begin to think about the future. I want to start networking with others and start a home based business where I can take my massage therapy on the road.
Before I could even go further into my thinking on the subject matter, I heard Sylvia’s thick latin accent probe, “You call Raymond yet, la chica?” My heart stops at the sound of his name. Ever since I saw his name in the Alumni book I couldn’t stop thinking about all the wild and crazy times we had together. I mean, I was so uninhibited with him and remember the beautiful sexy hot times we experienced. It was a great time for me. But I was only 24 at the time. I was now 35 and struggling to establish myself. I bet by now he’s well established and enjoying his life. Me, I’m still trying to do my thing...
Turning myself back around to face here, my stony lips and blank eyes tell her an answer she doesn’t like.
“Nada? Come on, now.” Her dark eyes probed mines as she walked closer to me and I glanced to see Chipper leave. “I thought you were gonna call him, lady.”
I love Sylvia. I mean she’s like the wise woman who’s so nice and good to me. Almost like a mother figure who I trust with my life. I mean that literally. At Fifty-Two she’s a very natural looking woman who’s face tricks you into believing she’s in her late thirties by the way her bright eyes looked and the way she carried herself. Soaking in her long black hair that was twisted into a french bun and laughing at her “I’m Proud To be a Latina!” tee-shirt made me speak gently. “Come on, Sylvia. The man probably got a wife and a few kids by now. What would I say to him?”
“You know you two were very close back in those days.” Sylvia’s understanding eyes spoke volumes to me while I listened. “I know you think that you are not good enough for the man. But don’t speak for him, honey. I know you been thinking about him. Why not give him a call. What could it hurt?”
A smoldering passion underneath me caught me off guard as I imagined that maybe, just maybe he might have been in love with me all this time. That’s crazy. “Sylvia, you are right. I will give him a call this week, I promise.”
“You better, girl. Live in the moment.”
That was a few days ago and it’s now Thursday night and I’m sitting in 105 Capitol a local jazz joint in Jackson, Mississippi because that’s where Sylvia, Sunshine and I were meeting for our girl’s night out. It’s been a while since I have been able to let it all hang out and just chill out with my girls. As I sit there in the smoky club near the stage where a musician is setting up his equipment I glanced at the gentle way he handled his saxophone. This fine man was not facing me so I couldn’t see his face but I could see the outline of his tall figure and from where I was sitting he looked like a dark honey drop that could melt in a sister’s mouth.
I was burning with some unnamed desire as I meditated on him or maybe it was that I was three years into my celibacy and I was needing to connect with a fine man such as himself. The way his broad shoulders fit the black silk shirt he was wearing was most illegal. I love men with broad backs. His back reminded me of Raymonds. I used to love rubbing his back after band practice mostly because of the feel of his tight upper arms and broad naked chest.
This unnamed man’s rear fit the black slacks he wore perfectly and I swear that there was something very sensual about the way he slowly walked around that stage placing music on the piano and then clapping hands with the rest of the band; a dread locked drum player and what looked like a sister vocalist who joined them on stage. I hate that those people were in my way. I couldn’t see him anymore for the stage got crowded with more equipments, microphones, and then the club began to fill.
A urge raised in me as I nibbled on my lower lip and a surprise when I looked directly into his eyes which I swear seemed to delve deep into mines. It was for one split second. I swear he reminded me of Raymond. But that was crazy. Raymond hadn’t even returned my call yet. And I hadn’t seen him in many years. I didn’t even know how he looked at this point.
All of my thoughts were cut short when the chatty pair of Sunshine and Sylvia joined me. I smoothed down my black dress and sipped on my Apple Martini letting my newly pained nails play with the rim of the glass before greeting my girls.
“Hey girl.” I slowly got up to hug Sunshine as I hugged her short plump frame. “What’s up Sylvia?”
We all got into the small booth that I reserved for us and exhaled. “Guess what girl? I left him a message but he ain’t called me back. I hope he ain’t got a crazy girlfriend or wife listening to it.”
“Good for you!” Sylvia shrug off her coat and high-fived me.
Sunshine looked confused but I took time to tell Sunny all about it.
“Sunny, remember Raymond Thomas?”
“Yeah, the guess you all but raped at that party we had for you back in 1992.” She giggled as she remembered how she caught us on the bed in her house that night. “If I didn’t come in there and get ya’ll freaky butts out of my bed, you would have had a little thomas running about in no time.”
“Sylvia don’t believe her. I did not rape him. It was an equal sided thing. I can’t help he was on me. I am innocent.” My chocolate eyes hid my annoyance at her suggestion that I raped him. Sunny was my girl and all, but she was jealous of that time. She hated that I was able to connect with Raymond. I think maybe she had a thing for him and didn’t want to admit it.
“You called Raymond? I wonder how he’s doing.” Sunny’s thick tongue caressed her full red lips as she spit out. “You must really be hard up missy. You calling him after all this time...”
My nostrils got fiery as I tried to control my hot temper. “I am just trying to say hi was all.” But before I could get another word in the super fine man from the stage approached our table and I almost lost my tongue when I noticed those dark sexual bedroom eyes up close. I thought it was him but I can’t believe karma could be that strong.
“September, I thought that was you.” Hearing him call me in that hot and heavy way, got to me I admit. Or maybe my starved soul was over reacting to having a tall chocolate man that close to me. My finger was on my glass and I quickly finished it off before responding.
“Hey, Raymond. What are you doing here?” My palms sweated desire as our fingers collided and I think he felt it too. It was almost like we were lost in a time warp. Raymond was the former band member of Alcorn State University and I was in the dance troupe back in the day. How funny our lives crossing again.
I shook my head because I heard him address my question, “Raymond, this is one of my best friends, Sylvia Ramos and I think you probably remember Sunshine from ASU.” My eyes took in his strong male presence as I heard them say hi to him and he answered quickly. “Yeah, I remember Sunshine. I wish I could talk longer but ladies I have a show to do, so I’ll see you after the show. Enjoy.”
And before I could utter a single word to him, he was gone. My head was buzzing with the energy that flowed between the two of us and I brightly smiled as Sylvia and Sunshine both began chattering about how fine he was.
The e-book version of Sam Vaknin's "Malignant Self - Love - Narcissism Revisited". Contains the entire text: essays, frequently asked questions and
appendices regarding pathological narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
