Shortly after Abby received the call Gary was on his way the heard his truck roar down the street and pull into the driveway.

Abby met him at the door and reassure him everything was okay. She lead her pale and breathless husband to the couch and after they were both seated she broke the news to him tearfully.

Kim retreated to Grace’s room to give the couple privacy. She found the little girl play “Doctor” with her doll, sitting in the middle of the floor. Kim watched quietly as a scene similar to Grace’s own doctor’s appointment was reacted. Grace held her doll close and soothed her as the imaginary ordeal played out.  

Kim heard muffled sobs coming from the living room. As she stepped into the room, Kim pulled the door shut behind her to shut out the sounds. Grace didn’t need anything else to worry about.

“We’ll get through this somehow. God is still in control and he knows what he is doing.” Gary tried to reassure his wife.

“What if she dies?” Abby forced the words out. “I don’t think I can live without Grace.”

“Don’t even talk like that.” Gary scolded. “You don’t beat something like this by throwing up your hands. You have to fight it. Grace is strong and I know she can beat it but we have to stay strong for her.” Gary said firmly.  “I’d like to just fall apart right now too but I have to do what is best for Grace. We don’t have any choice, Abby.

“I know. It is just so scary. I’ve seen children with leukemia. When I was in medical school I did an oncology rotation. I don’t know how those parents kept from crying with the children. Some of the stuff that those kids have to endure is heartbreaking.” Abby said sadly.

“They just did the best they could. It all anyone can do.” Gary said seriously. “This isn’t going to be easy but we will get through it and be stronger for the experience.”

Kim crossed the room and took a seat beside Grace.

“Kelly’s sick. She had to see the doctor today.” She said matter -of -factly.

“What’s wrong with Kelly?” Kim asked feigning concern.

“We won’t know until the “sults” come back from her test. That’s why she’s crying. Kelly had to get a shot, just like me.” The little girl replied displaying wisdom beyond her years.

“But Kelly has good doctors, just like you do, so I am sure both of you will be just fine.” Kim tried to reassure Grace.

“Kelly’s scared.” Grace said looking deep into Kim’s eyes. Tears brimmed her blue eyes.

Kim gathered Grace into her lap and hugged her close.

“Did you tell Kelly you would be with her the whole time? She would never be alone and you would take care of her, just like your Mommy and Daddy do for you?” Kim asked trying to swallow the tears rising in her own throat.

“I did but she is still scared.” Grace replied. “She doesn’t want to go to the hospital. Kelly said she would miss her brothers and sisters.”

“Kelly will still get to see her brothers and sisters and when she is well again she won’t have to go to the hospital at all.”

Kim realized as she was saying this Grace would probably relapse at least once and need further treatments but knew this was not something she needed to be concerned about.

Grace was silent for a few minutes before announcing it was time for Kelly’s nap.

Kim left her to put the doll to bed and returned to the living room. She found Gary and Abby seated on the couch. Abby had her head resting on Gary’s chest.

Gary raised his finger to his lips. Quietly Kim gathered her things and whispered she was going home. Gently lying Abby down Gary walked Kim to the door and stepped outside.

“I took the rest of the day off, so I will be home with Abby and the girls.” He reassured her.

“Call us if you need anything. Nick and I should be around. If you don’t get us at home, you have the cell phones. Both of us will keep them on and with us at all times, so don’t hesitate to call.” Kim said as she climbed into her car.

As she backed out of the drive way and drove away Kim couldn’t pull her thoughts from Grace.

“What your daughter has is ALS, one of the most common forms of Leukemia. I want to start her on a six week cycle of chemotherapy. It might wipe the cancer out altogether. If not we will have to consider a bone marrow transplant. Another option would be a stem cell transplant. Considering her age and physical condition outside of the leukemia I would say the chemo alone will be enough but only time is really going to tell. I think it would be best for her to be treated at a facility better suited for childhood cancer. Such a facility would be Saint Jude’s Children’s hospital. Another option is MD Anderson Cancer Center. It’s your decision.”

The direct approach the oncologist had taken left Abby speechless for a moment. She sat with Grace in her lap. The long day of tests had worn her out and she had fallen asleep as the waited for the results. Abby was relieved she was not awake to hear the news. It would only make her more confused and nervous.

Opposite to Abby, Gary was full of questions. He inquired of the length of the treatments, what kind of hospital stay would be required before and after the treatments, the process of preparing for the transplant and the success rate. Abby only heard half of the conversation. Her mind drifted to when she had found out she was expecting Grace.

At the time, a baby was the last thing she wanted. Abby remembered with anguish the way she had sulked, as if her behavior would change God’s mind.

Now, Abby wouldn’t trade her children for anything in the world. She loved both of them with her whole heart. If she ever lost one of them, she didn’t think there was any way she could go on.

As her mind wondered, she began to grip Grace tighter. The child began to stir from the pressure but her mother didn’t notice. So lost in thought, her muscles started to act of their own accord.

After shaking the doctor’s hand, Gary turned back to his wife and daughter. Seeing Grace struggling against Abby grip alarmed him. He rushed to them and knelt in front of Abby. Gently lifting Grace from her mother’s arms he cradled her against his own shoulder.

Taking Abby by the shoulders he tried to bring her out of the trance. She fell against his shoulder weeping. He wrapped his free arm around her and tried to soothe her. Sobbing freely, Gary could feel the tremors starting.

Grace fell back to sleep quickly. He could feel her breathing become steady. Her exhaustion was evident. The day’s ordeal had taken it’s toll on the small girl.

“It’s all my fault. God is punishing me because when he gave us Grace I didn’t want to have a baby. I couldn’t trust him so he is taking her away from us. I know I deserve it, Gary, but Grace is just a little girl. She doesn’t deserve this. Why is he punishing her too? Why can’t I be in her place? Why does she have to suffer for my mistake?” Abby wailed.

“Abby, God isn’t punishing you. You know better than that. God doesn’t punish people like this. We may not understand why this is happening but it is certainly not to punish you. When you were expecting Grace things were very complicated. You were confused. God understands.” Gary tried to reassure Abby.

“I guess you’re right.” Abby said beginning to get herself back together. “I just started thinking about before she was born and how foolish I acted. It’s just so overwhelming. Thinking about hospital stays, chemo and transplants. I just don’t know how I am going to get through this.” Abby admitted.

“We are going to get through this together. It’s the only way we can make it. You lean on me and I will lean on you.” He said reaching to put his hand over his wife’s.

“I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.” Abby said with a sigh.

After a few minutes, the couple walked out of the office. Abby held Gary’s hand firmly. Grace slept on his shoulder. She barely stirred as he placed her in her car seat. When they arrived home he carried her to her bed and tucked her in gently. Grace didn’t stir for the rest of the afternoon. Abby woke her for dinner. Grace declined with a sleepy wave of her hand and a grunt. The mother decided it was probably better to let her rest than to force her out of bed to eat. 

After dinner was over and the dishes washed Abby pulled out her old medical textbooks. Paging through the first hefty volume she found the section on Leukemia. Hungrily, she read every word on the treatment and prognosis. Her heart sank when she read the survival and recurrence rate for children with ALS.

Gathering another volume she repeated the process. The outcome didn’t change. Everything she read didn’t give much hope for cure, only periods of remission.

Abby rose from the table, leaving the books behind. Thoughtfully, she sank on to the couch. Her mind drifted to all the things Grace might never experience, the prom she would never get to attend, graduations she would never see. Abby began to wonder if Grace would live to get married, start a family, see her own grandchildren.

Abby wrapped both arms around herself as the sobbed started again. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as despair swept over Abby in great waves. Anguish so deep nothing could reach it gripped Abby’s heart. She felt as though all the air had been sucked from her lungs. As the blackness sucked her under Abby felt her body collapse into a heap.

Gary found Abby asleep on the couch half an hour later. She had curled into a protective ball. Tucking her chin to her chest. Retrieving a blanket from a nearby chair he covered her gently before going to check on Grace.

He found the child still asleep in her bed. She roused slightly when he brought the comforter to cover her arms.

“I’m thirsty.” She whispered hoarsely.

“Daddy will get you something to drink.” He replied.

When her returned Gary found Grace sitting up in the bed, rubbing her eyes. 

Gary took a seat on the side of the bed as she handed the glass to his daughter. She drained the glass then handed it back to him. As she settled back into bed he could see her already drifting Back to sleep. He stayed beside her until her breathing became even. Standing, he pulled the covers over her shoulders.

He stopped in the bedroom door and watch his sleeping child. Gary leaned against the door frame. The seriousness of Grace’s diagnosis finally sunk in. Fear so strong Gary felt the air being squeezed from his lung. He stumbled backwards and tried to collect his thoughts.

As he slid down the wall outside the bedroom, Gary dropped his head on his knees and used his hands to cover it, as if the world were crashing down on him at that very moment.

He tried to muffle his sobs from Grace and prayed she was still sleeping soundly.

As the emotions subsided he picked himself up and made his way to his own bedroom. Abby was already curled up under the covers. Her rhythmic breathing told him she as already asleep.

As he showered and dressed for bed he realized it had been a very trying day for Abby. Her medical knowledge had made the past few days even harder on her than him. She realized the full impact of Grace’s diagnosis. Gary had  a degree of obscurity until it all sunk in.

As he climbed into bed beside his wife, Gary tried to force his mind off of the days that lay head.

Every time he closed his eyes startling images flooded his head. He saw Grace, lying in a hospital bed. All of her hair was gone and machines surround the bed.

Her eyes were sunk into her skull and her the pale skin was stretched over her fragile features.

The mental picture made him shudder. Gary’s heart raced and he felt weak as he stumbled to the bathroom and began splashing water from the tap on his face. When he gazed into the mirror, he didn’t like what met his eyes.

The man in the mirror looked as though he had aged ten years overnight. His eyes still held the haunted look.

Dousing his face again he gave the mirror one last look. The result was not as great as he had hoped. Sighing, he returned to bed and tried to sleep. Mostly he stared at the ceiling and tried to get his mind to release the disturbing images.

As dawn broke Gary still had not been able to sleep.

He pretended to be sleeping when the alarm went off at seven thirty.

Gary heard Abby when she sat up and then swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Quietly she went to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

He took comfort in the fact despite things change some don’t. Gary couldn’t count all the times he had lain in bed and listened to Abby going about her morning routine.

Allie whimpering in her bed pulled Gary from his thoughts.

As he picked the infant up from her bed Gary found himself thinking of Grace and the coming days again.

He went about making a bottle and feeding Allie he began to wonder what effect Grace’s illness would have on Allie.

Would she even notice a difference in her world?

Gary doubted she would, being so young. Her world revolved around eating and sleeping. Nothing else mattered at her age. Gary envied her having such a simple world. If only everyone could enjoy such luxuries.

As he lay the sleeping baby back into her crib a pang went through Gary’s heart. He realized he wasn’t practicing what he seemed to always be preaching to Abby. He wasn’t trusting God, acknowledging his creator knew best, had a plan for all of their lives.

He heard Abby moving around the kitchen. Leaving Allie to sleep in her crib Gary made his way to the kitchen.

Gary found Abby standing in front of the stove frying eggs.

Quietly he approached her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She gazed up at him and smiled. He leaned down to kiss her but the moment was broken when Grace dashed into the kitchen.

Gary turned from Abby and hoisted his daughter into his arms.

Unlike her parents, all the traces of the day before had vanished. To her it was as if it had never happened.

Regretfully, Gary realized yesterday was not the end of it. The ordeal was just beginning.

Gary wished he could take Grace way to somewhere she didn’t have to feel of pain and worry. He wished with his whole heart he could take her place, be the one to undergo the harrowing ordeal that awaited them. Gary knew, as much as he would like there was no way for him to take Grace’s blows. She would have to go through this but he and Abby would make it as easy as possible for her. They would see she was never alone and to quiet her fears as much as they could.

As he held her close, Gary made a promise to himself to never stop fighting for Grace until there was not breath left in his body. He would see she had the best care money could buy. If it came down to it, he would sell his truck to pay for her care.

Gary didn’t think he could go on without Grace. His only option was to see her cancer into remission. Despite what the doctors would say Grace was going to survive. He made up his mind right then and there. He would never give up.

Grace was flesh of his flesh. His blood flowed through her veins. He only prayed she had the strength to fight this cancer.