An angry Jenna Aurora Doucet writes back to Kendra Williams in California.
Thursday, June 9, 2005, Alaska time~
Dear Kendra~
I know you mean well, but right now I don't need anyone preaching at me. I don't believe in God, and I never have. I am just tired, so goddamned tired, of LIFE. Everything that can possibly go wrong has happened, and now I have NOTHING. My husband left me, and I still haven't heard hide nor hair from him, and I am worried sick that something terribly wrong may have happened to him!
I am having a bad day today, as you can tell. My days have been shitty at best as of late, and I have forgotten what it is like to be happy. I am also mad at Louie because I asked to stay with her, and she refused, and I am wondering if she even gives a damn about me. This isn't like her! Oh, she wrote me a very nice letter, but when I need a friend, she refuses to help me! I have been having my neighbors help me, and I AM grateful for that, but still...being holed up in the apartment (excepting to go to therapy or doctor's appointments) is getting old FAST.
I am happy to learn that Louie is adding another girl to her family, and I am happy about your little girl (Chelsea), but I can't help feeling jealous because good things keep happening to other people, and I am still stuck in this hellhole of a life. If God were good, as you (and Louie) both claim He is, then I wouldn't be in the fix I am in, and I would still be working at the bank and still WALKING and taking care of myself. Now I can't do but the simplest things for myself, and it is so hard trying to do things with one working hand! I also can't walk but for short distances, and by the time I go just a few feet, I am spent, and I feel so weak! I thought I would get better after a year since my accident, but I am still struggling now, and I am just sick of being so helpless and depending on others to help me!!
I also am angry because I hardly hear from Jerrica, my sister, and I am wondering if she, too, is mad at me. I know she has her own life, and her own family and all, but still..she could call or write to me ONCE in a while, just to let me know that she is thinking of me! I also no longer hear from my co-workers at the bank I worked at, and I am wondering if they have abandoned me because of the shape that I am in!
So don't go preaching to me and telling me of God's goodness because right now I have had enough of Him! As far as I am concerned, He doesn't even EXIST in my world! He's just an entity, and nothing more to me. I don't see why you and Louie are so hung up on religion; people like you make me sick!!
If you don't write back to me upon receiving this letter, I can fully understand, but right now, I don't need God, and I don't need ANYONE in my life. My life is OVER. KAPUT. FINITO. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!
A very potent and stark reality bite Karen! You wrote this one from the gut, and I can understand it all too well! People who have to suffer daily, and see no light at the end of the tunnel sometimes have to rant and rage. Even God understands this;-) Great writing !
Suspenseful and close to home, Rain of Deception 2 will leave you in Tears. Much like Part 1, this will shocking sequel will keep you on the edge of your fingertips.
A poignant story about letting go of a narcissist in your life. Have you ever been attacked FULL force by a narcissist? It's the closest thing to being stabbed over and over in the back.
Thursday, June 9, 2005, Alaska time~
