A desperate Louisiana writes to her friend in California regarding her friend in Mississippi, Audrey Jackson, who has been thinking of suicide, after giving her daughters up for adoption, and she somehow feels responsible for this. She writes to Louisa, searching for some answers.
Weds., July 20, 2005, 1:42 p.m., C.D.T.~
Dear Louisa~
I am beginning to think that it was a mistake in trying to befriend Audrey Jackson. I tried to be supportive and willing to listen to her as she wrote out her frustrations in living in an abusive relationship, and now that she has decided in giving up her daughters Lacey, Maria, and Susie up for adoption, she is thinking of killing herself. I somehow think that I am responsible for this decision, and if she were to do this (kill herself), I don't think I could ever live with myself.
I don't know what to do or think anymore. I am just tired of having to worry about this all of the time, and it is starting to affect the relationship between Bill and the kids; and with Janica coming in just a few weeks, now is NOT the time for me to get stressed out all the more! It is also starting to affect my health, and I am worried that if things don't change soon, I am going to suffer a nervous breakdown or worse, and then what is going to happen to the kids, let alone, Bill??
I have always had a problem with people who think of only themselves, and Audrey to me appears to fit in that mold. She thinks that she is responsible in splitting up the family when it was entirely JACK'S doing, and she thinks that she is a failure as a mother and a person, and I am sorry, but I can't deal with that sort of negativity in my life anymore. I have had a lot of that in my own kids, and I have had to fight with them tooth and nail to try to get them the needed help, and I am afraid that Audrey is a lost cause because she has, more or less, given up on herself--and on life.
Should I talk to my pastor about this or with my doctor, or with my husband, when he knows very little of what is really going on? Whom do I turn to? Should I pray to God to see what He thinks? I am at a loss here, and my kids know that something major is going on, and I have been really ugly to them lately; and I am scared about what they may really think of me. Do I try to talk to my kids or just try to hide my true feelings about Audrey Jackson and her girls? What do I say to them when they look at me with such trust and innocence in their faces, and how would it affect them?? I honestly don't know what to do anymore, and I am past the point of exhaustion!
Please get back to me on this important matter, and let me know what I should do because I feel that if Audrey Jackson DOES commit suicide, then I would somehow feel that it was of my doing; and I would have such a hard time in learning to live with that!
Just keep me in your prayers; my heart is breaking as I write this, and I can't see for all the tears that are raining from my eyes!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your (desperate) friend in Tennessee, Louie May Sandusky. :( >tears<
Shattering write--effectively emotional and searching for answers. The things Louie did right were praying for Audrey and her kids and offer her help. She can't keep these feelings building up in, or she'll explode; YES!! she should confide in people she trusts and open up to her husband (I think the situation is a little too mature to discuss with her kids). She should continue to show the kids love, which she has in abundance...it's just now time to take care of Louie. :)
Problems like this have to be resolved and discussed with a person that can help. Another great story of the tragedies that befall people and how they are always ready to blame themselves for somebody else's problems.
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
Weds., July 20, 2005, 1:42 p.m., C.D.T.~
