Louisiana Sandusky writes to Audrey Jackson in Mississippi.
Monday, July 25, 2005, 5:55 p.m., C.D.T.~
Dear Audrey Jackson~
Hello! I was so glad to hear from you again; but I have to disagree with something you said in your letter. You did NOT deserve to be yelled at like that; NOBODY deserves to be attacked in such an ugly way! But I was just so frustrated with all the "garbage" that has been piling up in my own life I couldn't help it; so I just...snapped. I do hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for hollerin' at you like I did!
But I AM glad you are still here; I have been praying for you ever since all of this stuff happened. I also have been praying for your girls, and I hope that they are in good hands. I know Ronee', my daughter, has been worried sick about Susie because she wrote to her and she hasn't heard from her, so she has since written to her a second time. She just sent it off today. Hopefully this time she will hear from her. I'd like to hear from her too, to see what is going on in her life!
I am not working now. I took a much-needed break (a leave of absence) from my job; and I am enjoying spending all this extra time with my children and my husband. No, it doesn't help with the monetary situation, but I get a little in the way of disability every month, and I also get paid with the adoption stuff that I have been doing, so at least I will have a LITTLE something in my pocket! It just means I will have to be more frugal with my money until I return to work sometime in the fall. I also have to rely on God to get me through this time of "temporary unemployment" until I return to work. I also took this "sabbatical" because Janica, our daughter to be from Romania, is coming next month, and I want to be there for her when she DOES come; she is going to be scared as it is, and she needs all the support she can get! I am looking forward to her arrival, and so is our family!
I also took off work because I was on the verge of an emotional collapse, and I saw my psychiatrist for the first time today, and I will see her twice a week, so I can shed some light on my problems and see if she can offer me some practical solutions on how to handle the difficulties I have been currently facing. I mentioned you to her and the situation you are in, and I just broke down and cried; she just let me talk and tell my feelings out, and I felt comfortable talking with her. She is a very good Christian lady who goes to another Assembly of God church, and she has been doing this for over 15 years now, and she is very steadfast in her Christian faith. I do hope that seeing her will do me some good because I certainly do NOT like to be this way! I hope you don't mind my talking about you to her, but you have affected my life as of late, and what you are going through has really changed me.
You had nothing to do with my blowing up; I have had a lot of stressors in my life, and no, your admitting that you were going to commit suicide did NOT help matters any. You are just facing some incredibly hard situations in your life right now, and right now, suicide probably looks pretty good, but I am here to tell you that it is NOT the best way to solve things. You are only going to make things worse for your daughters, and as I said earlier, once you do it, you CAN'T come back again; and it is just so--FINAL. Yes, I have had thoughts of suicide myself, believe it or not, when my three children died, but God had His Hand on me even back then, and He was with me when my maman was so riddled with cancer and then died, and also during the time when my brother-in-law, my sister, and my two little nieces died in that plane crash; and even when Johnny and Ronee' were so sick. He has continued to sustain me throughout those difficult times that I sometimes face, and He hasn't let me down yet.
Honey, I know it is hard to believe when all of this "stuff" is going on in your life; but God DOES care for you, and He wants to do everything in His Power to make things right for you again; but sometimes you have to go through things to get there. I know it is hard to think about and understand, but I have done a lot of soul-searching and Biblical study, and what I have found out surprised me. I found out that God has things happen for a reason, and somehow, whatever people face in their lives is in tune with the Bible; and somehow, in the end, God somehow always rescues us in the nick of time, and He gets us through those dark storms of life.
Well, darlin', if you want to write back, you know I will answer, but if not, I will accept that too. I just hope that things will work out for you and that a Miracle occurs in your life; God knows you and your girls can really use one about now! Please if you hear ANYTHING about Susie, Maria, OR Lacey, do NOT hesitate to let me know, if I can do anything to try to help you, I will do so! If not, all I CAN do is pray! And prayer DOES work!
Take care, and God bless! All the best to you, darlin'!
(((HUGS))) and love, your friend (who still does care, by the way!), Louie Sandusky in Tennessee. :( >tears<
You have to be the best letter writer in the world by now Karen! This one is really something! Take care my friend see you when I get back! Love the graphic!;-)
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Monday, July 25, 2005, 5:55 p.m., C.D.T.~
