Reality 101: It's hell to be poor and worse if you're disabled in the lowest part of town.
My thanks to Donna Kimble for her editing and assistance with Ebonics.
Listen up! If you gittin this, I got through. This James Brown. No, not that James Brown. Actually, this Jamie Brown. Cain’t say that I like Jamie that much, neither. I been called all kinda names -- Dog, Gimp, Spaz, Crip, Cripple. Dog ain't worth discussin’. Gimp is for them white folks. I ain’t no Spaz like those CP guys. I kinda like the word Crip. Mah homeboys use it. Make me believe that maybe I couldda been a member of one of them South LA gangs. Some of ‘em be right here in New Orleans, but never let a po’ ass like me join. Besides, Cripple what they called me when I was little. Sometimes they still do. If anybody would as’ me, I'd say don’t call me that. I hate bein’ called Cripple.
They say I wuz born with polio. Anyway, mah legs and arms didn't work right. Mah mama was too old, over 40, when she had me. She took to grievin’ so much over me that she got herself on heroin and crack and passed on over five years ago now. Been on mah own ever since. Don’t know who mah daddy is; that's why I got mah mama's name--Brown. Mama put me on Social Security disability when I was a child. I also git a li’l bit of Louisiana state assistance for mah electric wheelchair and helpers. I git Medicaid, too. Still all that ain't ‘nuff to keep me goin’, so I runs a little action here and there, you know--I deal a bit. Don’t use the stuff mahself, tho.’ I seen what it done to Mama. Don’t care what happens to them other dope fiends, tho’. I jus’ need the green, know what I mean?
Got married once. Beautiful girl. Charlene took pity on me in high school. Got hitched when we was 16. After Mama died, I got to be too much for Charlene to handle, so she divorce me and left with her two kids -- they wasn't mine. Cain’t say as I blame her for that. I don't know where she at now. I think she moved up north with her relatives.
Anyways, I was able to git this here electric wheelchair. I ain’t homeless, but I do be stuck here in the East End in Mama's old rundown house. Even with mah subsistence, I cain’t always pay the rent ‘cause the white man keep raisin’ it. He don't even seem to care that I be on a fixed income and be disable.
They say a big storm comin’. Weatherman say she a category 5 – name her Katrina. I don't know ‘bout no categories, but everybody say that New Orleans been long overdue for a hit. Now they saying she might miss the city an’ save us from the storm surge. I worry a lot about that storm surge. Folks over where I live at is in the low part of town. Storm surge sho’ will flood us out. The mayor, he say we should all evacuate. Don't know who he thank he is. Most of us down here in the East End ain’t got no cars. I been callin’ Metro all day. All I git is a busy signal. Was hopin’ to get a van to the Superdome. TV say that folks like us kin stay there. Don't think I kin go now tho’. Winds whippin’ up too much.
-- -- --
It past five-thirty and Katrina still not here. No, not that Katrina. Katrina Gillard, mah lazy fat-ass helper. She s’pose to be here at five. Just called her house and she ain’t there. Phone just rung off the hook. Guess she got out and didn't have no time or was scared to call me. Cain't say I blame her. I keep hearin’ sirens in the street and the winds be blowin’ so hard I kin feel the whole house shakin’ and pieces blowin’ off. It's dark outside already and the power keep going on and off, drivin’ me crazy. If it wuzn’t for the TV, I wouldn’t know what time it is. Damn! Mah leg bag got so full I had to break it open and empty it on the bathroom floor. Now I have to go into there every time I have to pee. Stinks like hell. Got mahself some water, but cain’t get no food ‘cuz it's all in the fridge. Ate all the snacks that Julia left me an hour ago and now I'm hongry. Guess I'll just have to stick it out. Damn! There goes the power again...
-- -- --
The last time the TV was on it was about 11 o'clock. Cain’t get no channels ‘cept the satellite. Terrible destruction going on. Saw it on TV. Said New Orleans was goin’ to escape the worst of it. Wouldn't know it ‘round here. Sounds like all hell breakin’ loose out there. Water comin’ in everywhere and the floor all wet. I want to go to bed, but now I know Katrina ain’t coming. I slump over on mah desk as best I kin and try to sleep--but I cain't. That damn howling wind getting’ to me. Sound like Hoodoo all over this place. Don't know if it gon’ ever end. I ain't a prayin’ man. But if I was, ah don't think I could stop that devil wind with prayer. Oh, Lord, jus’ let me hang on...
-- -- --
It must be morning cuz I kin see light. That devil wind done died down, but the water still be coming up. Now it’s up to mah ankles and mah shoes is soaked, so it don't matter now if I pee. Lots of stuff floating ‘round in the house. Got to be careful where I drive this wheelchair. Ain’t got much battery left. One shortage and there I go -- cain't move anymore. Cain't go outside cuz the door locked. I hear some people callin’ for help and stuff. Even heard shots. Wonder what they firing at? Could be anything. Lots of folks in this neighborhood got guns. Hell, I'd have one if I could hold it and shoot. Wish I could get me some water, tho’. I sho’ am thirsty. Mah gut's churnin’ but I ain’t real hongry. Keep spasmin’ cuz I been in his chair so long, not able to move. Don't know how long I kin hold out like this…
Julia Roberts ain't comin’, neither. No, not that Julia Roberts. She's mah day helper and I count on her to get me up and get me fed. She skinny and just the opposite of Katrina--lazy slob. But she kin still git me out of bed and git me going. Guess she ran with all the rest. Don't blame her. But from the sounds of things out there on the street, not everybody left.
-- -- --
Wake up! Wake up, dammit! That's it. Pull yourself up, you drooling. Terrible throbbing in mah head. What's all this blood? And that stink! Damn, musta shit mah pants. Oh, yeah—ah remembah. There was a loud bangin’ on the door an’ I yelled for help. But then these two dudes come in with guns and as’ me where mah stash was. I don't tell them, but they know where it is anyways. Must've been almost a kilo. Julia keeps track of it for me. And they took mah cash, too. Last time she counted, I had $308. Now I ain’t got nothing to bargain with. That's if I ever get saved. It's getting’ dark already, so I don't think they gon’ be saving me today. Wonder where th’ hell they are? Don't they always come in and save po’ folks like me at a time like this? I keep hearin’ some choppers, but they be so far away. Don't look like nobody's goin’ to save me, just rob me and beat me over the head for mah stuff. Wish I was packin.’ I’d ah shot that niggah that beat me over the head!
Uh-oh--mah control blinkin’ now. Mean mah battery almos’ dead. I'm so tired and hungry and thirsty and sore, I don't think I’m gonna make it til mornin’. Better get mahself position over here by the desk again and shut this thang off. Maybe I'll sleep, maybe I won't…
-- -- --
Man, I had one helluva night. Dreamed them awful dreams I get when I be sick. I kept thinkin’ I was fallin’ outta mah chair into the water. Then I woke up and found mahself still layin’ flat on ma face on the desk—drooling all over it. Oooooh, it’s dark in here like pitch. Don't hear no noise anymore ‘cept a couple of barkin’ dogs somebody gone off and left behin’ to die. Well, you kin call me Dog now. Even if I bark and howl, ain’t nobody comin’ to save me. Not on the East End.
What's that? Damned water risin’ ag’in. Mah mattress the only thing kin float in this place. Doctor told me it got air chambers to keep me from gitting’ bed sores. Speaking of sores. Ma butt hurt so bad it must be raw. The shit dried now, but it still stink. If I git saved, I'm gonna have one hellava infected sore. Where in the hell are they? Why ain’t they coming? Why cain’t I hear them motorboats? All I hear is gunshots in the distance and choppers so far away they don’t even thank o’ comin’ this way. Why don’t nobody know I’m here?
Water creepin’ to mah knees now. Better turn this thing on and git on over to the bed. There. There the light go, flashing on and off ag’in. Okay, I'm back over here alongside the bed. Now, if I kin just crawl in, I’ll be okay for a while. Damn! I cain’t… Guess I'll just sit here and let the water make mah legs numb. ‘Cept for the dogs yappin,’ it's really kinda peaceful now. Guess I’m just waitin’ to die. Water lappin’ all about and all. Scooped up a little mahself to get the dryness outta mah mouth. It taste foul, but it’s the only water I got.
-- -- --
Water done come up so high ma legs startin’ floatin’. Maybe, if I lean hard to the left, I kin roll outta this chair onto mah bed. Ummmhhh… There, I made it! Was easy with mah legs floating like that. Now, if I kin just turn over to lay on ma back... Ummmhhh… There -- up against the wall -- but I made it! Mah butt feels better already but I cain’t feel mah legs. Now all I gotta do is lay here and let this thang float.
-- -- --
The band was playin’ in the crowded street and a strange lady was shakin’ her bare boobs in mah face when someone spilled they drank on me… and I woke up, cold and wet. Damn, I wuz jus’ dreamin’! Must be night again cuz it be pitch dark in here. I can feel the mattress swayin’ as th’ water keep risin’ an’ moving in. Body’s almost numb now from the cold. Mah head keep bumping somethin’. Oh, man, it's the ceiling. I'm bumping the damn ceiling in mah own room! Now, that’s some scary shit!
Hope I don't drown. It would sho’ be a hellava way to die. God, if you can hear me, save me. Save me. Save me, please…
Cold water gittin’ in mah mouth and I'm coughin’ and spittin’. Poundin’ on the ceiling but it’s all soft and mushy. Shit fallin’ down—water comin’ up. God! Gotta fight this thang. Gonna swim if I have to. (Choke) Goin... (Gluck).
The flooding in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina lends itself to any tale of tragedy. Your timing of events is spot on. The fact that most of the drowning deaths were elderly and/or disabled is an indictment of a social system that pretty much disregards the welfare of these folks. The fact that thousands of low-income families and individuals were deceptively lured to these high flood risk areas should, likewise, be exposed as a hideous transgression.
Writing these first hand experiences, however, can be very tricky. The vernacular of anyone who has lived their life in this region, and more specifically in these neighborhoods is quite unique. Consider documentaries for first hand descriptions and idioms.
I did like your use of celebrity name-alikes, nice hook. The opening line is, however, a puzzle since your protagonist obviously dies in the end. A better start... My name is James Brown...
Reviewed by Barbara Barbin
12/1/2011
Ron: When I first started reading "Hellava Way to Die," I thought it was going to be funny because you have him speaking what we used to call the black dialect, now better known as Ebonics. The moment you said Katrina and I reflected on the title, I got scared. As I continued to read, I felt emptiness and helplessness knowing he wasn't going to make it like so many others in NOLA that fateful day or days (weeks and months). That's why we need to keep advocating for the disabled so that others will understand that we are here and aren't going anywhere! I liked the way you dealt with such a delicate subject. I will pass it on. . .
My Gawd, Ron! This was soo ... geez ... soo realistic, I was biting my nails as I was reading it! I watched the Katrina catastrophe unfold in the news - but nothing prepared me for what I saw the other day on the Oprah Primetime now! Some people who were beyond help were shifted to the morgue to die peacefully! My God!!! The sheer desperation ... the shootings ... the separation of families .... kids getting raped when going to the bathroom to relieve themselves ... the dead bodies strewn all over the place ... 16,000 people desperate for medical help, water and food under one roof ... Powerful write, Ron! Powerful!
Wow Ron that was so realistic and so sad! I'm sure you just wrote someones memory there and thats the terrible part that it could so very well be true! Well done, well done..........
Spoken Word
This CD will touch the deepest inner part of your humanness and spirit, you will never be the same after listening to the depths of struggle, the reality of life, the touching voice of truth. It will shock you, move you to tears. It w
Listen up! If you gittin this, I got through. This James Brown. No, not that James Brown. Actually, this Jamie Brown. Cain’t say that I like Jamie that much, neither. I been called all kinda names -- Dog, Gimp, Spaz, Crip, Cripple. Dog ain't worth discussin’. Gimp is for them white folks. I ain’t no Spaz like those CP guys. I kinda like the word Crip. Mah homeboys use it. Make me believe that maybe I couldda been a member of one of them South LA gangs. Some of ‘em be right here in New Orleans, but never let a po’ ass like me join. Besides, Cripple what they called me when I was little. Sometimes they still do. If anybody would as’ me, I'd say don’t call me that. I hate bein’ called Cripple.
