This week, Studio Reader Stan gets an unwelcome visit from someone claiming to be a relative.
Studio Reader Stan opens his apartment door to see a teenager, who appears to have not bathed in recent months, standing there.
Neil: Studio Reader Stan, it’s me, Neil. Your cousin from Idaho. I graduated from high school, got in my car, and now I’m here to spend time with you.
Studio Reader Stan: I’ve met you once. When you were five. And my name’s Larry.
Neil: Yes, it’s been way too long. I really want to get to know you. So you want to hang out?
Studio Reader Stan: If we hang out, I have one very important rule that can’t be broken. You’ll never, ever pitch me a story idea.
Neil: I hear ya’, man. You must have to listen to horrible ideas all day long. Which is kind of like the main character in this story I’m working on. He’s a teenager from Idaho who likes to collect people’s toenail clippings.
Studio Reader Stan: You haven’t been here a minute and you’ve already broken the rule.
Neil: That’s exactly what my main character says to his roommate when he wouldn’t give him his toenails. Then he sings a song to an audience. (sings) A tisket a tasket, I stole my roommate’s toenails, and put them in a basket.
Studio Reader Stan: That’s extremely disturbing. I’d give anything to have never heard it.
Neil: Ya’ think you can give my script to one of them studio people you know?
Studio Reader Stan: I feel pretty confident that’s not going to happen.
Neil: Aw, c’mon. We’re family. We’re blood.
Studio Reader Stan: I’d like to see a DNA test before I accept that.
Neil: Not a problem. My parole officer can get that to you.
Studio Reader Stan marvels at how he hates his life even more than five minutes ago.
Tune in next week for more of Studio Reader Stan's adventures...
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V is humorous adult literature featuring adult content and language. The work satirizes and spoofs thirteen classic tales from U.S. and British literature, a
