a miniplay by
David Arthur Walters
Scene: a vault filled with pallets loaded with gold bars and currency. Two priests are playing chess at a table downstage center. Piercing screams are heard coming from beneath the stage.
FIRST PRIEST [annoyed]: Pythia is screaming.
SECOND PRIEST: No kidding. I''m not daft.
FIRST PRIEST: What do you make of it? It''s not that time of the month.
SECOND PRIEST: How should I know? Maybe she''s high on the gas again, or had too many laurel leaves for breakfast. It''s your move.
FIRST PRIEST: We''ve got to fix that gas leak. She''s been drinking a lot lately too.
SECOND PRIEST: From the sacred cellar spigot?
FIRST PRIEST: Cheap red table wine from Athens. Aha, your time is almost up - check!
SECOND PRIEST: Maybe we should lay her off?
FIRST PRIEST: I don''t think so, it would violate the contract with Madame Dragon. So what''s your move?
SECOND PRIEST: No problem, I''m blocking you with my bishop.
FIRST PRIEST: Excellent, kiss your Queen good bye!
SECOND PRIEST: Damn!
FIRST PRIEST: Scream on, Pythia! You''re bringing me good fortune!
SECOND PRIEST: She''s still at it, for crying out loud. What is the meaning of this?
FIRST PRIEST: Wait a minute, wait a minute, maybe we can interpret these screams to answer the U.S. President''s question!
SECOND PRIEST: Is peace possible in the Mideast now?
FIRST PRIEST: Right. Checkmate!
SECOND PRIEST: That figures, with all this racket around here. So, what do you think?
FIRST PRIEST; How much has come into the treasury from the U.S.?
SECOND PRIEST: I don''t know, but that stack of U.S. dollars on the skid over there just came in from somewhere.
FIRST PRIEST: It''s from Baghdad or Tel Aviv.
SECOND PRIEST: What''s the difference? Sorry, Just kidding!
FIRST PRIEST: Let''s check with the auditors and see what''s up with the numbers. I''m sure we can come up with something ambiguous enough to suit everyone after taking everything into account. [The piercing screams below grow in intensity] For Pete''s sake, could you shut her up?
SECOND PRIEST [gets up, walks upstage, opens up a basement door flush with the stage, and shouts into the basement]: PYTHIA! THAT''S ENOUGH ALREADY! SHUT THE (EXPLETIVE DELETED) UP!
Curtain
judith