This week, Studio Reader Stan deals with socialite Rome Marriott again.
Studio Reader Stan enters Rome Marriott’s penthouse suite. The designer-clad mongoose is nowhere in sight, having been replaced by a Guinea Pig in a Dolce & Gabbana sweater and a small top hat.
Studio Reader Stan: Mr. Gold said you wanted to see me about writing something for you.
Rome Marriott: Yes, when I win an Academy Award for the movie I wrote and starred in, I’m going to need a really hot acceptance speech.
Studio Reader Stan: Uh, is there some kind of reason you think you’re actually going to be nominated?
Rome Marriott: Yes, my acting was awesome.
Studio Reader Stan: Are you sure that’s the correct adjective?
Rome Marriott: What does that mean?
Studio Reader Stan: It means every film critic who watched you act said it was the most painful experience of their lives. Even the woman who went through labor for 32 hours.
Rome Marriott: No, I meant what does an adjective mean?
Studio Reader Stan is speechless. However, he’s comforted by the fact that the Guinea Pig seems to be even more stupefied than he is.
Rome Marriott: Anyway, none of that’s important ‘cause no one pays attention to critics. Everyone knows that.
Studio Reader Stan: There were also reports that 99.9% of the people who watched your movie tried suing to get their money back.
Rome Marriott: Is that math stuff? Everyone knows math stuff doesn’t matter either.
Studio Reader Stan: What exactly do you think does matter?
Rome Marriott: It’s simple. I’m going to win ‘cause I announced that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t pose on their red carpet. That would be devastating for them.
Studio Reader Stan: Doesn’t the Academy Awards red carpet attract a lot of big stars with actual talent every year?
Rome Marriott: Maybe. But none of them have mastered my pose.
Studio Reader Stan: I think that’s by choice.
Rome Marriott: No, it’s because they don’t practice standing in front of a mirror ten hours a day like me.
Studio Reader Stan: Oh-kay. Well, even though I know this is a completely useless exercise, out of curiosity, what would you actually want to say in a speech?
Rome Marriott: I want to tell the kids of the world that if they’re just like me, they can win awards, too.
Studio Reader Stan: Just like you, meaning: vapid, obtuse, and shallow?
Rome Marriott: Yeah, use big words like those. The kids like to see how smart I am.
Not able to listen to her anymore, the Guinea Pig tries pulling the top hat over its ears. Studio Reader Stan empathizes, but ultimately decides he can’t feel sorry for a rodent that’s dressed better than he is.
Tune in next week for more of Studio Reader Stan's adventures...
Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces is adult literature that satirizes famous children's stories, fables and fairy tales. The work is Jay Dubya's twenty-first e-book available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook.
