This week, Studio Reader Stan meets with his psychiatrist, Dr. Melrose.
Studio Reader Stan sits across from Dr. Melrose.
Studio Reader Stan: Dr. Melrose, my life keeps getting crazier and crazier. Ms. Pantsworth, a studio executive, falsely accused me of stalking action star Valkyrie Booster, so that she could tell the tabloids that his stalker saw them together.
Dr. Melrose: So you’re telling me you’re a celebrity stalker.
Studio Reader Stan: No. I believe I said the exact opposite.
Dr. Melrose: Let’s get into your stalker psyche by using a role-playing technique my acting teacher taught me. Say there’s a movie star who would be the perfect co-star for you – what would be your first move?
Studio Reader Stan: Once again, I am not a stalker and have no interest in being one.
Dr. Melrose: I think I’m more qualified to be the judge of that.
Studio Reader Stan: I think you’re trying to use me to figure out if stalking a movie star will somehow help you get into their next film, so you can fulfill your dreams of being an actor.
Dr. Melrose: You’re being delusional. Now, say you spy on their daily routine for months, how would you then use that knowledge to get them to see the newest acting demo reel you’ve made?
Studio Reader Stan: In what way is this session helping me?
Dr. Melrose: It’s breaking down your mindset so I can fully understand it. So tell me, if you’ve just learned that a certain movie star was doing naughty things, how would you go about extorting them to achieve your goals?
Studio Reader Stan: I would keep the information to myself so as not to infringe on their privacy.
Dr. Melrose: Studio Reader Stan, I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself. So let me help you. And the best way to do that is by you telling me how you would let the person you’re stalking know that you do a dead-on French accent.
Studio Reader Stan: Maybe we can just focus the rest of my session on my vast insecurities.
Dr. Melrose: I would, but I just got an e-mail alerting me that a movie st--, uh, potential client, has left his film set for the day and is headed to a Starbucks. So sorry, but duty calls.
He grabs his photo and resume and heads out.
Dr. Melrose: Au revoir.
Tune in next week for more of Studio Reader Stan's adventures...
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