I was lying on a lounge chair out on the patio when Wayne came home from work. Wearing a big smile he walked over to me and placed a white fur ball in my lap. Just then a light breeze had passed over me, and this little fur ball stretched and stood up on my lap. She climbed up toward my face with her little front paws on my chest and looked into my eyes and said a soft, myeuw. I was captivated by her emerald green eyes, and with delight, I reached out and picked her up bringing her close to my face and said "Hello you little darling Zephyr."
She stared at me and I could imagine her meuw was with a smile. Of course Wayne said that was just silly. The kitty was only 4 months old and I knew from that moment she would be my constant companion for as long as I had left.
I worry as I wait, will I have time to train my new little kitty ? I had come home from the hospital hoping Wayne would have found our beautiful Siamese cat Willow. She had disappeared about a month before I got sick, and had not been found ,though Wayne and friends had searched high and low for her. It really was an awful time for me, because I had just had another miscarriage, the second in 1 1/2 years , and losing Willow at the same time was traumatic. I had her for 3 years and felt lost without her. Still I hope to see her again, but I don't have enough energy to worry about it.
Now several weeks later I writhe with pain in my back and legs, and in the process Zephyr is disturbed and wakes up stretching, and yawning. She had been lying alongside me on the sofa, in her favorite position with the top of her head pressed against my hip and her paws holding my thigh. She gets into the weirdest positions, and is even more of a contortionist than Willow had been.
All of a sudden the tears begin to flow, and I speak to Zephyr. "It isn't fair Zeph. I don't want to die. I thought I would have at least two kids by now. That was my dream you know. A boy and a Girl, to start with. Why can't the doctor's tell me how long i have to live? They aren't even sure of what treatment will work because I react differntly to the cancer drugs than other women with cervical cancer. Why didn't they find it sooner when I had my first miscarriage." By this time Zephyr had placed herself in a position sitting next to me facing towards me and staring up into my eyes , as if she understood everything I said, and was just waiting for a chance to answer.
I couldn't help but smile at the expression on Zephyr's face, I picked her up and cuddled her head under my chin. "Oh Zephyr, you are so sweet, I know you understand , I don't care what anyone else says. What would I do without you?" I sighed while continuing to let the tears flow. Zephyr shook her head and made a sneezing sound as the tears fell on her head. I said " I'm sorry sweetie, I'll stop crying okay?" Zephyr said, "meuw." I laughed, your too funny Zeph, you can't say meow like other cats, it has to be meuw. Well, let's try to make supper for the big boy. He'll be home soon.
I managed to get a salad made and some pork chops with potatoes on the stove, before caving in. I took a pain pill and was getting ready to set the table before sitting for a bit when Wayne came in. He was early. Walking towards me he said "Hey you, what are you doing in the kitchen," and took me in his arms. I leaned into him and let his weight support me , "I like to cook for you, you know that, I said smiling." Oh baby, Wayne said as he crushed me to him, I missed you, I'm so glad your home. We are going to beat this thing you know."
He pulled away a bit to kiss me. I was aching for him ,but didn't know how I would handle it. The drugs, the pain, the weakness, all combined to take the pleasure out of lovemaking. But for his sake I wanted to try. I loved him so much. We've only been married for 4 years, but we knew each other for most of our lives. We met and fell in love in high school, and have been together ever since, except when Wayne did a stint in the Air Force. We both came from loving families and we wanted to have at least 4 children.
Now I got bold and whispered in his ear, "lets go to bed. " He asked in a hoarse voice "Lise are you sure?" I backed out of his arms and went over to the stove to turn the gas off. Supper could wait. ""Yes I am" I answered.
Later in bed as Wayne rolled off me and lay silent,I prayed "Oh God please help me to convince him that my groans were those of pleasure not of pain." I reached over to him and said softly, "that was worth waiting for, wasn't it." He turned towards me with a look of surprise and said, " It was wonderful, but I feel so ashamed because I thought I caused you pain, didn't I "? "No my darling" I lied, "it was pure pleasure, Oh there's some minor aches, but not to worry, I'm fine." He heaved a sigh of relief, and I silently thanked God. Then I said with a smile," But Wayne, now you'll have to finish supper while I get some rest. He gave me a kiss, and said, "Why do you think I came home early." He got up and left the room humming.
When I heard him in the kitchen, I got up to take some pain pills, thinking I really needed the injections of morphine, but held off taking them. I could hardly walk, but thought ,I was used to that anyway so why not suffer for making love, as well as for nothing. I got into the shower hoping I could get some relief for my back. When I got through Zephyr was curled up on the bed waiting for me. I picked her up and nuzzled her soft fur . 'Oh my liittle Zeph, I'm so happy right now. See how love can change your mood. I still have pain, but I also still have the love of a good man whom I adore, and if that's not enough I have you!"
With that I gave her a squeeze, which she didn't like and she jumped out of my arms with a complaining whine. I smiled at her sensitivity, and she looked at me and purred while circling my leg. she was so smart, she knew I wasn't going to feel bad because she didn't like to be squeezed a little. So she began making up to me. I laughed and she purred louder. When I got back in the bed she jumped up and got right on my chest and put her tiny face right up to mine and stared at me eye to eye. her purrrrrring growning louder. "Zephyr" I said, "you are a little twit".;-).
Wayne came in and sat next to us , "Can I join in the nuzzling", he said as he gave us a hug. Zephyr whined and jumped off the bed, a bit jealous I think. She really liked me all to herself. Wayne and I both laughed at her, and she jumped back on the bed and came and positioned herself on the other side of me. I shook my head at her saying, "You'd better take a liking to Wayne little one , you don't know how long I'll be around."
As soon as I said it I was sorry. Wayne said, "that's a helluva an attitude Lise, I thought we were agreed on your getting through this." I could tell I had upset him. I"'m sorry hon, truly, I just spoke without thinking, of course I agree with you. I'll be more positive from now on." He said "Get yourself up and lets eat I'm starved."
We all three got up to go eat, and to my surprise, Wayne had everything all set up out on the patio. I was so lucky to have him. I gave him a hug and as he pulled the chair out for me, Zephyr jumped onto the seat. Wayne yelled, "that's not funny Zeph get off there," in a rough voice.
Zephyr jumped off the chair and ran to her place. She looked startled. I was ready to yell at Wayne, but realized it would be wrong. Instead I said, "Let's eat hon I'm really hungry."
He looked at me with a grateful expression and said, "Sorry about that, but I think you and your cats have a special thing that I'm not a part of, and it ticks me off sometime if you want to know the truth." I had been right, he was jealous of the attention I gave to Willow , and now the same thing with Zephyr. " Wayne, what do you expect me to do here alone all day. Please try to understand that I need the company." I was feeling self-pity , and expressing it too. "I know I know", Wayne comforted me, "Why do you think I got her for you, forgive me, it's just that we are never alone, At least put her in another room once in awhile can't you?"
"I know you're right and I will do better, really I will. but for now let's eat please. I'm about to faint from starvation thanks to my lusty lover." I said that with tongue in cheek, but it tickled Wayne I knew, bacause he was so easy to please. "Lusty lover am I that's a new one. I don't know how you come up with all your names, but they all seem to fit," he said with a laugh
Two month later I had deteriorated to the point where I could do nothing. They wanted me to go into the hospital, but I refused. They put me on hospice care, which meant I could stay home to die. Of course I wouldn't let Wayne hear me say that, we must keep our attitude up musn't we. I was in a bit of a bitter mood, and Zephyr knowing it stayed at the bottom of the bed curled over my feet. She knew I could give her a shove with a foot, but it wouldn't be as bad to her as a squeeze. Why she hated squeezing I don't know, I really didn't do it hard, and Willow never used to mind it. I wondered about Willow thinking now that I would never see her again.
I thought of how different 2 cats can be. Just like people. Their personalities were miles apart. Zephyr was now a year old. She wasn't going to change anymore. She had developed into a beautiful Angora. She was so clever, knowing how to worm her way into Wayne's good graces. When I started to keep her separated from us more often, to please Wayne, she began a campaign to win Wayne over. I tell you it was something to see. She would ignore me and go sit by him and curl by his feet as silent as a mouse while we watched T. V.
I knew what she was up to , and she knew that I knew. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if she knew that I had planned it this way for the day I wouldn't be here anymore. I wanted Wayne to have her to console him. I know some people would think that's crazy. But they don't know pets if they think that. With no children who else is close enough to give comfort to Wayne, than a pet that lives with us day and night in our company almost constantly. Even without words just the fact of having Zephyr to hold and snuggle will give Wayne comfort, I'm sure of this.
I was in a morpine fog. I could feel the gentle breezes playing with me swirling around the lounge I was on, seeming to raise the entire patio in a psychic elevation to a dance that would take me on a journey to heaven. I was humming something, aaah yes, "all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you" "sleep precious angel go to sleep."those phrases kept repeating in my addled brain then all of a sudden , Wait I thought in horror, I see my cat, Zephyr, she can't be here, she has to stay with my husband, STOP STOP PLEASE STOP THIS NOW!!!
Then I saw in a shifting mist Wayne's face above me, "shhhhh shhhhh" , he was, "saying it's okay baby I'm here."I could barely make him out , and I thought, "yeah, but I'm not."
**********
Zephyr climbed up on Wayne's lap, where he was sitting on the patio in the dark. The funereal had taken place that morning. All the family had finally listened to Wayne and left . They knew he meant it when he said he was okay, but wanted some time to himself. Now, unconciously rubbing Zephyr's back he thought, " Lise, I don't know what I'm going to do without you baby", as the tears fell. Zephyr gave a moan that sounded familiar and Wayne said," Hey you little Zephyr, don't think I don't know how much you miss her. You were her gentle little breeze. Don't worry I'll take care of you, and I guess you'll take care of me too." Zephyr said "myeuw myeuw" and it sounded like Lise saying softly "I love you."
Eileen, this is just wonderful. You've got to know I love cats--I've already written four poems about Kittmandog (you named him that!) I love him as much as any human being I've ever loved. I hope I have him with me until the day I die. He's only a year old, so that is a possibility. Although I wouldn't mind living a little longer than that, if my old bones will hold out, that is! Thanks for sharing this--I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Reviewed by Richard Vallance
6/5/2003
Oh, Eileen, your story about Zephyr is just so touching and compassionate! I scarcely know WHAT to think! I adore cats too, and have two, Squeak, a hyper calico, age 3, and Puffins, a very large (and alas, a little lazy, but kind-hearted) long-haired grey and white tabby, Puffins, age 7.
And, yes, you ARE right; cats ARE intelligent and they DO communicate with humans emotionally and thoughtfully. Did you know that, whereas dogs have 10 discrete sounds they can make, cats have about 100?
Bye for now,
and thanks for your wonderful review of my sonnet, LISTENERS.
I'll post some more of my sonnets, haiku and poems for you and everyone in the world as the days progress.
Be well, get well, and stay well.
The Spirit is much more powerful than the flesh....
RV
Reviewed by Kone Simons
3/17/2002
I'm so glad you submitted this. It was one of my favorites. Glad to see you here. kone
I met Jerome on a busy city street in Baltimore, Maryland, when he was forty-five years old. On that particular day, I was out and about, enjoying a much-needed day off from work.
I wanted to purchase a sukiyaki sub. I parked my car in an area of
