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Randall Davis Barfield

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Sheila
by Randall Davis Barfield
Monday, February 19, 2007

Rated "G" by the Author.

       
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           >> View all 118


    
"She's playing hard-to-get," he said.

Sheila had given up completely on Stan.  Three weeks had passed now and no word of him.  The hurt she’d felt when she decided he wasn’t going to call anymore had finally diminished. Three dates.  That’s all it took and ‘poof’, he disappears.  She knew she was attractive to him.  She was very pretty and had been always, although she didn’t kid herself thinking she was any Cameron Diaz.  Still, she had the blond hair and smooth skin.

 

“Aren’t you gonna call her anymore?”  Chip asked his best friend Stan.  The two were resting at a table in the canteen after a tennis match on the university courts. Both were drinking Gatorade. The sky was blue, the sun nice but not hot, so all was well. Stan, as usual, had won.  He was the kind who didn’t like losing.  Ever.

 

“Might,” he answered.  “She’s playing hard-to-get.”

 

“Oh,” Chip said. “Know whacha mean.”

 

“She let me kiss her on the first date, but you sort of get a message with her.  I mean, I just knew not to ask for more,” Stan continued.

 

“In control,” Chip suggested.

 

“Maybe…for want of a better word,” said Stan.  Problem is, I can’t forget her.  She keeps popping into my head day and night.”

 

“So that’s it,” Chip said. “Here’s another story now.”

 

Stan kept silent. He just looked at his friend.

 

“Sounds to me like someone you don’t wanna lose track of,” Chip continued. “Here, take my phone. You got her number?”

 

Stan looked expressionless at Chip again. “Chip,” he said finally, “I’m twenty-one. A little young to be getting serious, don’t you think?”

 

“I agree you’re young,” said Chip. “We’re young, that is. But, you know, sometimes in life we get only one shot at certain things.”

 

“Don’t preach, Chip,” Stan said.

 

“I’m not, Stan. It’s just…take my parents.  My dad was twenty and my mom eighteen when they married.  She broke off with this other guy to date my dad.  And I know he’s not sorry. If he hadn’t married young, she would’ve married the other guy. That’s what I mean.  We can’t always set the time ourselves.”

 

Five or six minutes passed before either one of them spoke again.  It seemed to Stan to be forever.  Finally he spoke.

 

“Gimme the phone.”

 

 

 

End of “Sheila”

 

 
 
 
 

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Reviewed by Brett Moore 2/23/2007
You've got a great story here, and I think it's complete. It's all about perceived roles and what we are supposed to do. The character Chip seems to be wise beyond his years and helps his friend to understand that it's really all about the heart, which knows no rules. If you want to add or edit something in the story, that's fine but I wouldn't mess with the end because it did the job.

Brett
Reviewed by JP Beaudet 2/22/2007
I personally think the character's personalities were just right. My friends and I already have some of these conversations (maybe not QUITE so serious, but we're 15). I agree with Guy Hogan. Add a few more subtle details, just to draw us in a little more.

And about length, it leaves room for a sequal. I want to find out what happens next!

Overall, it was a good job, but just a little bland I think. Go into a little bit more detail next time.
Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel) 2/20/2007
The characters are too serious. The typical twenty-one year olds don't normally talk like that. They want to be hero and macho. They'd be glad to be able to get a girl to bed. No time for serious talks.

Not even men in their 30's.

The above is just MY OWN HUMBLE OPINION.

Sandie May Angel :o)




Reviewed by Guy Hogan 2/19/2007
The story is fine, well written. In this type of story by its nature the reader will usually want more. I can see why to many readers it doesn't feel full which has nothing to do with length. You yourself are in doubt. If you decide to add more, ground it in maybe a paragraph of description of where Stan and Chip are at using intentional description to prepare the reader for Stan's decision. Be subtle. It's a subtle story. Are Stan and Chip standing up or sitting down? Stuff like that. Is there any vegetation in the area? What's the weather like?
Reviewed by Stan Grimes 2/19/2007
I don't think it needs more work, just more to the story. I want to know what happened?

Stan

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