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Porcelain Girl by Alexis K Lawson
Monday, March 5, 2007
Not rated by the Author.
About me losing the one I love
I don't know when it happened, but it happened. My alabaster skin began to harden, set, inch by inch it covered my body. A thin porcelain veneer. My veins would still flourish with life and my heart continued to beat, but it now made a clanking sound deep within my chest. My fingernails turned to glass. My eyes to brown polished marble. My lips became thin silk, and hair became nylon. I metamorphosized as fragile as the china you have to good sense to lock up for company. At first I thought I turned to stone, but stone wasn't frail enough for me, stone is worn by thousands of years of blowing sand. I, I was much weaker.
When he first started to break my heart a thin crack formed upon the middle of my torso. The time I spent holding on caused the fissures to spread to my breasts and arms. The fractures continued to spread each time I continued to grasp for him, until they were large and expansive and changed my very features. When he finally left they broke apart from all the time I tried to keep him. I crashed down around myself and the shards, like razors, would not let me touch them. I looked at my inner core in a reflection of a larger piece, and saw my viscera glimmering, reflecting off my marble eyes. I reached a bony hand to touch them but they were also too fragile. As the time away from him grew longer, longer, the viscera started to crack as well. First with my heart, shattered to pieces, the bowels, guts, veins and arteries, arterioles, lungs, esophagus. My tongue was the last shattered piece to go, making sure I could not call out to him. Could not say the words he needed to hear. The words I longed to speak. I was a shell leaving pieces, fragments, parts of me with every step that I took. The pieces I have left are only my hands allowing me to write. And a brain made up of selfish words, allowing my pain to be shared. And eyes though marble, let me cry, tears of absolution. The resolve in me has stuck around but I can't seem to find it. My heart is gone, my soul is smashed, I don't know where the rest is. So if you see a piece of porcelain heart, porcelain face, porcelain bone. Think of me and pick it up. Someday I might rebuild.
