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Randall Davis Barfield

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The Driving Range
by Randall Davis Barfield
Sunday, March 18, 2007

Rated "PG" by the Author.

       
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     This 'flash fiction' story may be too long. The dialog was very difficult due to the story's theme. Any suggestions welcome.



Paul Adair had phoned and asked his best friend, Jack Redding, a real estate broker, to meet him at the driving range. It was a place where both normally spent a lot of time practicing and having drinks afterward.  Neither one had a brother, so it was like each one was the only brother for the other.

 

Paul was beside himself with anxiety. He lit another cigarette as he sat in the parked SUV and waited for Jack. He’d quit smoking for the fifth or sixth time about four months ago, but with this situation today, he couldn’t stop himself. He’d bought a pack of regular Winston at the Stop ‘n’ Go on the way.  Jack wouldn’t be long now.

 

Jack pulled in next to Paul’s vehicle. He got out as did Paul at the same time. Paul could see that his friend’s mood was good.  Both shook hands and patted each other.

 

“Hi ya buddy,” Jack said, speaking first.

 

“What’s new, man?” Paul said.

 

“Same old shit--run here, run there, 10 a.m. meeting, 4 p.m. meeting, Friday’s closing, wallpaper just won’t do…you name it Paul.  Makes you wonder if it’s all worth it, right?”

 

Then Jack noticed.  “Why are you smoking, man?  You been clean for four months now.  What’s eating you—seen a ghost?”

 

Tears began flowing down Paul’s cheeks.  He couldn’t stop them.  He knew it would end here in the parking lot.  All those years—the love.

 

“I couldn’t help it,” he stammered.  “Why? Why? I’m sorry. God, how sorry I am.”

 

The fear on Jack’s face was a first.  He’d never…

 

“Paul, what’s wrong buddy?” he asked, trying to stay calm.

 

“Hit me, Jack. Hit me!”

 

Jack held Paul steady at both shoulders.  “We’re best friends, Paul. I’m here to help you. Don’t worry. There’s nothing we can’t solve. Now what the hell has happened?  Is it Kate?”

 

Kate was Paul’s wife.

 

“It isn’t Kate,” Paul sobbed. “It’s Cynthia. We… I couldn’t take anymore. Couldn’t pretend…”

 

Jack let go of his friend. His face went from horror to a kind of numbness. 

 

“Cynthia?” Jack said. “You slept with my wife?”

 

“When you traveled,” Paul sobbed. He covered his face with his hands.

 

Silence ensued. Jack backed away from Paul and went to his truck. He got in slowly and cranked it. His head felt as if a mountain boulder had come loose and fallen on it. Driving his truck out of the parking lot of the range during those moments was one of the hardest things he could ever remember doing. 

 

 
 
 
 

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Reviewed by Stan Grimes 3/19/2007
Wow! Randy, that was one good write. I felt it and that is what it's all about, aye? If the reader feels the emotions then you're doing something right.
Reviewed by Susan Sonnen 3/19/2007
Well done, Randy. Especially his exit...I sensed the quietness, the lack of vocal response, the shock. Very good!
Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor 3/18/2007
Now you are a Georgia boy. There should have been a gun in the back of that pick-up! Or at least a black eye for Paul. ROFL...enjoyed.

Elizabeth
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 3/18/2007
LOL @ your "four eyes" comment. :)

Randall,

Good thing they weren't at a firing range.....taut writing and shattering secrets revealed; well done.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by Randall Barfield 3/18/2007
thanks a lot for catching those. shows 4 eyes r better than 2.
Reviewed by Guy Hogan 3/18/2007
Of course it's never stated that Cynthia and Jack are married, or dating or are friends. One sentence goes: He head felt as if a mountain...

Other than these two things this is very well done.

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