this is a story I started a few years ago about a dog who could communicate with people by using the computer.
Hello! Let me introduce myself to you. I am the first dog to be able to communicate with humans in your own language. You see, we dogs have understood what you were saying, but we haven’t been able to let you know what we are thinking. I have learned to type my messages on a computer. This gives me the opportunity to close the gaps between what we are thinking and what you think we are thinking. This is gigantic! You have the craziest notions about our thoughts. For years we have wanted to let you know how wrong you were.
I was born in a large litter of eight puppies. I was the smallest and my owners ignored me. They had run out of names when they got to me so they just named me “Fido.” That’s F-I-D-O. Pretty common, right? I got used to the name and decided that I would go through life just being a common dog. I would settle for scratching fleas, chasing rabbits and barking when we know it will upset you the most.
One day I saw that my master had left the computer on. I jumped up on the chair even though he had told me not to jump up on the furniture. He especially hates it when I jump up on the sofa. Of course I had trouble in the house breaking days. I thought the bed was a bathroom. I really got in trouble because of that one. Who cares! It’s just one more way we can let you know that we are really in charge.
As I was saying, I put my paw on a key and saw that a letter appeared on the screen. Eureka! I can communicate. You see, I had learned to spell pretty good. My masters would say things like, “Oh, look, there’s a C-A-T.” I wasn’t supposed to get it. I don’t understand their thinking. Why would they think I wouldn’t understand the word “cat”? I’m not your average dumb mutt. I looked around and saw a cat. I put two and two together and figured that’s how you spell cat.
As I became pretty good at the computer I knew that I was going to be able to communicate. Now I must have a more appropriate name. I could say I was looking for a pen name but I don’t like the implications of pens and dogs. I couldn’t think of other names. Dick and Jane’s dog had already claimed the name of “Spot.” “Lassie” would be pretty good but that was already a famous name and I’m not a she. “Rin Tin Tin” would be nice but I was afraid they’d think I was a redneck with all three names. I watched an old movie and thought of Asta. That won’t work because my owner is far from a thin man. It would have been cool because when someone would ask my owner, “What did your wife do with your dog?” He could say, “I don’t know. I’ll asta. (Groan all you want, dogs like puns too.) I thought of Snoopy but I didn’t want to get on that doghouse fighter plane. I’d rather keep my paws on the ground.
After eliminating a lot of names I decided not to change my name. I’d just spell my name with more class. My new name is not F-I-D-O. It is P-H-Y-D-O-U-X. How about that! That ought to let people know that I’m not just an ordinary dog. My owners already had a nickname for me that would fit. They just used the first letter of the name a lot. They took me outdoors and said, “Go, P.” I kept wondering where they wanted me to go. While I thought about it, I would relieve myself and then they would shout, “Good Boy!” I still don’t know where they wanted me to go but I sure like their pleased words and the treat they would give me.
Now that I can communicate. Let me go back and give you a little background on my life. After that I will try to answer some questions. My owner – and he insisted he is the co-author of this project – has a long list of questions that humans would like to have answered. So, pull up a chair and get yourself a few treats and start reading.
Oh, I just love this story. Do keep it going. The title caught me first (yes, I got it!) and as a dog co-habitor, I thoroughly enjoyed the commentary. Looking forward to chapter deux!
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