Ok, enough people egged me on. I wrote this about 4 years ago. I wrote a few chapters and then let it set. In this chapter, Phydoux talks about his ancestors and their effect on the way dogs act.
My ANCESTORS
I think the reason we dogs do many of the things we do is because of what we have inherited from our ancestors for these many thousands of years. I don’t know if we have genes or not like you humans. We don’t wear jeans or any other kind of clothes (unless one of those silly owners dresses us up on some stupid costume. Sometimes, after we’ve chased a rabbit for a long time, we run around breathing in short pants! I suppose we probably are the product of all those canines who have gone before us. Let me tell you about a few of my ancestors.
One of my very early ancestors was Grandpa Toothless. He was the first dog to fetch the newspaper. This was long before paper was invented and the news was carved in stone. He made the mistake of trying to catch it in his mouth when the delivery boy threw it. Not very bright! One of his offspring actually carried the Ten Commandments to Moses when God delivered it on Sinai. If you hate having to obey those laws, it is because of one of my ancestors.
The reason we dogs hate mailmen is because we have felt like they have taken over one of our most important services. We could run down to the Post Office and bring the mail home. What else is there to do? When we see those people approach our houses we feel like they are intruders who have misplaced us.
I had another ancestor who was around during the days of Julius Caesar. Old Julius really liked this dog. He named him after a person who was close to him – Brutus. They were inseparable for a long time. The relationship became strained when old Brutus got a hankering for some roast goose. Julius noticed he had a couple of geese missing. About the same time he noticed that Brutus had goose feathers sticking out of the corner of his mouth. History has confused the facts. Caesar’s question was really directed to my ancestor. Caesar suspected him of eating the fouls and he asked, “Et Two Brutus?” That’s the real story.
During the time of the Roman Empire we dogs developed one of the habits we still cannot resist. Chasing cars came from the early practice of chasing chariots. My early ancestor, Ben Cur, became famous because he hung out at the races and chased the chariots. Through the ages we have chased stage coaches, covered wagons, and Trojan Horses. We don’t chase ambulances – we leave that to the lawyers. It was only natural for us to make the transition to cars and trucks. Sorry, we just can’t resist.
I recall my mother telling me about one of my ancient ancestors who was very famous for helping the knights. My ancestor was so big and strong that he was almost the size of a small pony. In fact, many times people were able to ride on him if they didn’t have a horse. He learned that you let people ride you seven night in a row it will make one weak. He had helped many knights during his prime time of life. As he aged, he became pretty weak and pathetic looking. He was big but that was about all you could say for him.
One night there was a knock at the master’s door. The weather was terrible. There was lightning and thunder. Rain came down in buckets. I don’t think it would be funny to say it was raining cats and dogs. You humans like that one. We dogs don’t like to share the spotlight with cats.
The owner opened the door and saw a drenched knight. He was cold and weak. The owner brought him in and helped him get warm and dry. He fed him a nourishing meal. After the knight had recovered, he said he must be on his way. He looked around and saw my lame old ancestor. He asked if he could ride that dog the rest of the way home. The owner said, “No, I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this.”
Now you think Christmas has always been a North Pole thing. That’s not true . It originated in the Sahara Desert. My ancestor, Sandy Claws, gathered a bunch of Chihuahuas to make toys and help him get everything ready for the delivery of toys. He always liked it when the children would leave a bone for him on Christmas Eve. When the children woke up on Christmas morning, they didn’t shout that Santa had been here like they do today. No, they’d say, “Dog gone!”
Even Snow White had a dog. You might have missed this in the story of Doc and Sneezy and all those elves. Her dog was named “Prince.” He was there to protect their home. He would fetch the paper. (It was in his genes.) One day he ran off. Each day she would go out and look down the road for the return of her dog. She never lost faith. She knew he would return. So, are you ready for this, she changed into Cinderella and sang, “Someday my Prince will come.”
Oh, yes. I also had a famous ancestor in the Old West. He knew Wyatt Earp when he was just a belch. One day he limped into the saloon. He had one foot bandaged. He walked up the bar and explained in a loud voice, “I am looking for the man who shot my paw.”
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Reviewed by chris stienstra
9/10/2007
"ET Two Brutus?" Larry this one was great. I'm waiting for one on a hippo!
Thanks for your sense of humor and best regards,
Chris
