The King of the Fearful
During the war, my mother became more and more worried by this isolation. She said that if she were dying she would wish to be surrounded by many people and the noises of the common life of the town. I disagreed, when one dies, one dies alone. The coming of death suppresses in the mind of the dying person any cognizance of his milieu, for he leaves this world in silence and solitude; at least that was my conception. My father decided to take us to the other side of town which was less exposed to danger, however it appeared that danger still encompassed us with daily air raid alerts and bombings. We took shelter in the Italian neighborhood where the houses were built on a slope and gave us the impression of being protected. This was located in the vicinity of my uncle Victor's house. We joined other families but the feeling of discomfort and anxiety remained. My father grieved to see us in such conditions. Because the only kitchen was
so small, women had to take turns to work there. The only advantage of being there was the presence of a dedicated nurse who took care of my sick brother who was eventually returned to health. Alfred, my father's cousin, was among us refugees at the `oukala'. A large house with multiple rooms He was a painter, well respected, a large man and strongly built. As a joke he would lift up bags of 100 kilos (220 pounds). Unfortunately his morale was broken by the war and he became pessimistic and increasingly fearful. One day he reacted very angrily to an ironical remark by my father and said:
"What can we do against a bomb? Nothing, but if you give me a bull or the strongest man, I'll put them down in the blink of an eye". My father was listening to words and was not impressed, when Alfred continued: "Did you see what the bombs can do to a building? After all, I am not a building. What can I do against such a power?" He was constantly panic stricken at each alert, infecting others with fear. He was nicknamed the "King of Fearful". One day he called a
meeting to which the few inhabitants left in the neighborhood were invited and said: "Dear brothers and sisters, you've seen with your own eyes what has happened and what's still going on, it is therefore useless to describe further the horrors of war to which we all are witnesses. We need to find a way to protect ourselves, a trench is a good shelter for our protection from bombing attacks and I believe we should dig one. Go back to your homes and bring back any useful tools and if the planes leave us alone for a few hours, with God's help, we'll finish it. In this way if we die it won't be under debris". My father asked him ironically whether we should paint the trench to which Alfred replied calmly, "Let's keep it for the tombs".
Young and old, we all started to work. Alfred had convinced us that a trench was our
salvation. It took a whole day to dig it. It was zigzag shaped. After completion I ealized we had not chosen an ideal spot since it was located near a camp of British soldiers which seemed an easy target for the enemy bombers. I wondered whether Alfred chose it on purpose, in order to be close to the army and thereby protected. I was too young to criticize him but nevertheless I realized that fear leads to illogical actions. Fear has never elevated man but brings him down in the eyes of others. If Alfred were to die in the trench, he would not die alone we would die with him and that to him would be comforting. This did not offer comfort to me. Fear can induce many unnecessary deaths. On the contrary courage can save people. A general, brave and confident, may lead an army to victory with limited losses but on balance many people will be saved from death. Death captures those who run away but those who face it win. The haunting
image of death has always been with us together with the panic preceding it and the grief that follows. It was better to prepare ourselves for death than lose reality in illusory games. What is the point of numbing the human spirit who sooner or later will be confronted with the realities of existence?
After the completion of the trench, Alfred stayed there day and night. Pretending to be dead he would not leave. On account of her deafness, his wife Marie hardly realized what was going on; she could not hear the siren, nor the bombing. During air raid alerts she saw us run to the trench and was surprised. She stood on the doorstep wondering what kind of game we were playing. It was only when she saw the planes that she realized what was going on. After a while she spontaneously would look up at the sky as soon as she saw us rush to the trench.
Alfred became the self-appointed leader followed by all the young people. Out of loneliness I too joined with Alfred as I was the only one left from our courageous little group. I was sworn in according to the rules and became a full member. From that time on I had to obey Alfred's orders since he was the only one who directed operations during these alerts. We had to shelter from bombers hiding ourselves at the bottom of the trench. We would repeat his prayers after him: "Abraham our father, Isaac the son, Jacob Israel, the Holy Spirit, protect us all, God of all men, protect us, God of the Jews, the Christians and the Moslems, protect us" - Personally I found those prayers ridiculous and one day I burst out laughing. For this insult I was severely beaten, in order to appease the Gods.
In order to eat we had to leave the trench in our turn. Alfred would never budge since
Marie brought him food. Each of us had guard duty in a spot protected from noise to detect the first signs of incoming bombers and be able to warn the others to take shelter. Those who did not heed the warning were expelled from the group. I was overzealous as a member of the group always first in the trench. In my spells of duty I enjoyed mixing real with false alerts. Alfred appreciated my obedience and my loyalty.
My father followed me in joining our group. He did it not out of fear but because of his inactivity. Alfred was delighted with his membership since my father was regarded as the spiritual leader of the neighborhood and therefore enhanced Alfred's prestige. My father complied with Alfred's rules and did not feel at all diminished by the situation.
One cold and wet night my father assumed his first duty and although he heard a siren he decided it was best not to wake us up. Unfortunately a few minutes later a terrifying explosion took us out of our sleep. Alfred became furious with my father and for several days after that would not talk to him. At another time, poor Marie who was deaf and therefore could never hear any siren brought her usual meal to Alfred during an air raid. Tense because of the danger he threw the hot soup at her face. This enraged me. I shouted that he was a coward and his strength came only from dealing with weak people. He tried to hit me but I ran away from the trench. He followed me outside and finally caught up with me. Believe it or not, all this took place during an air raid!
What a surprise to see him out of the trench, unprotected. I expected to be beaten up but to my great surprise he hugged me and said "My child, your insult taught me a lesson and my deep seated fears have gone now. I know now that I can lead the life of a normal man fully aware of his resources and capabilities. No need to panic in front of danger, coolness at all times. You'll see, everything will be fine." I became aware that a man can possess within himself latent power revealed only in stressful circumstances.
