He’s No Burden…
He's My Brother
Hello, I’m David, Jason’s older brother…For right now, (Pause) I don’t want to talk about the way Jason died, I want to recount to you how he lived.
When Jason was little, to me (I think I was three), (pause) he had to be the biggest baby I had ever seen in my whole short life. In fact, he was so huge that I gave him the nickname “Bear”, and that nick-name stuck through-out our childhood to this day. (Pause) He’s no burden…
As Children, we were like every other sibling in America, we played hard, we got into trouble, and yes we had our share of good fights. But he was my little brother and I always wanted to take care of him and protect him. (Pause) He’s no burden…
“Bear” was a very competitive person, especially when playing with legos or nintendo games. He constantly wanted to win and we would play until our thumbs hurt. When I wasn’t around he would routinely practice until he felt he could whip me. He would then challenge me, and believe me; “Bear” never gave up. (Pause) He’s no burden…
“Bear” was wonderful with our grandparents and great-grandparents. I remember one time when “Bear” and I fixed up a wheelchair for great-grandpa. We worked hard to clean it up. We painted it and when we felt it was good enough we presented it to our great-grandpa. However, great-grandpa wanted nothing to do with the chair. Even my great-grandma couldn’t get him in it. Don’t ask me how, but “Bear” was the only one that could convince grandpa to sit in that wheelchair. “Bear” would spin him around, give him a push & a shove, and then run after grandpa and the chair. “Bear” was enjoying it as much as great-grandpa. (Pause) He’s no burden…
My brother also had a unique sense of humor. “Bear” would make the funniest sounds all the time which ranged from screeching to yelling and for no apparent rhyme or reason. Or he would start flexing that skinny body of his and I’d crack up. “Bear” always had some funny off the wall remark to make at the craziest times. (Pause) He’s no burden…
“Bear” gave the word “private person” a new meaning. It was like pulling teeth trying to get information out of him. He always kept things to himself (good or bad things). I never questioned it; I simply knew that it was how my brother was. (Pause) He’s no burden.
Two weeks ago, I was going to stay at school but decided at the last minute to come home. I am now so glad that I did. I spent a lot of time with Jason during that precious week. And as his older brother and self-appointed protector, I am truly going to miss him. And will miss him for the rest of my life. (Pause) He’s no burden…
It is for this reason that I now need to talk about Jason’s death and how he died. I never knew before how painful one little word could be, (Pause) “SUICIDE”. It has to be the most painful word in the dictionary. This word is the reason I don’t want any other brother to feel what I’m feeling now. I don’t want any other family to go through what our family is going through at this moment. It’s HELL and a HELL that there is no escape from.
In recent weeks, two friends from Bear Creek committed suicide. One because of his own reasons and the other because he couldn’t accept his friend’s death.
As for “Bear”, I believe his pain was so great from the trials and stress of everyday life that he simply felt there was no other way. Since he was such a private person, he found no way of telling anyone what he planned to do. He could not have imagined what his loss or his actions would have caused our family. (Pause) We will never be the same. (Pause) Things will never be the same. The person that I would have protected, even at the risk of my own life is gone. My little brother, my only brother. (Pause) he’s no burden.
If there is anyone out there that is or has contemplated suicide, DON’T DO IT! Talk to someone, make them listen. Open up, get your fears, pain, anger, loneliness or any other feelings out…If you see someone that looks like they need a friend or need to talk. LISTEN! Do what ever it takes to end this tragedy. They say if a person had a second chance to re-think the issue of life or death, even for one day, they would choose to live. If you don’t care about yourself, think of the pain you will leave behind. You’re gone but you’ve left a hurt that will never heal for people who truly loved you and only wanted you to be happy. You will never be able to come back and mend that hurt.
I could have dealt with “Bear” dying or being killed in a car accident or a snowboard accident. It would have been hard, but I could have dealt with that! My family and I now will have to pick up the pieces of our lives and try to make sense out of Jason’s death. (Pause) No, “Bear” was no burden but the burden of suicide (Pause) is a burden that my family and I will carry for the rest or our lives…
Today, I will walk beside my brother for one last time. He will no longer need my protection, for he’s in God’s hands now. How ironic, that my little brother always wanted to be in my position and sometimes resented being the younger brother, Jason now has the roll he craved for, he is looking down and he will now be my protector. “So you see, (Pause) he’s no burden, he’s my brother”.
Good-bye “Bear”, I love you and I will miss you.
Written By Bonnie Johnson-May
For a young man who lost his brother through suicide.
