My older brother, Simeon, was born special.  That is, he was born disabled.  He was born with cerebral palsy and brain damaged; his body is totally affected.  He cannot walk (nor will he ever be able to), cannot talk.  He is in a wheelchair when up; if not, he's in his bed. 

It makes me sad because he will never be able to drive or run or do anything a normal teen boy should be able to do.  He is more likr a very young infant who is just discovering the world about him. 

He has to be fed by a special tube that's been put into his stomach, and he has this done five times a day, so he doesn't become dehydrated and get his needed nourishment for the day.

Simeon cannot swallow:  this is one reason he has the belly tube, so he doesn't choke.  Sometimes he will get pneumonia, which puts him into the hospital; when this happens, I get scared because I think he is going to die.  He has to be dressed, bathed, and diapered.

It's embarrassing to see him like this, especially when some of my friends come over; they just don't understand what it's like having a brother like mine.

I may be the younger kid, but I'm the oldest.  I can do more things than Simeon.  Poor Simeon can't do much for himself except laugh or cry, or make noises to tell everyone how he's feeling.  He'll always need someone to take care of him because he's so handicapped.

I sometimes get mad at Simeon because he needs so much help.  I think he's taking the attention that mom and dad give away from me.  This is when I wish he'd die or go to an institution, so I wouldn't be bothered by him anymore.  I know that's mean, but sometimes I can't help how I feel.

I get jealous because people seem to notice him first, and it's like they don't even see me, even though I'm standing right there, beside him and  his stupid chair.

I try to be a good sister to Simeon, but it's hard.  I really can't talk to him because he can't talk back, and I really don't know how much he's really capable of understanding.  He does smile a lot when I talk to him, but I wish he'd say I love you or tell me to bug off when I'm bothering him; it would make my life just a little bit easier!

Sometimes when mom and dad go to the store, I have to Simeon-sit, and when his breathing goes bad or one of his monitors go off, I get scared, and I end up panicking.  When he has to go to the hospital by ambulance is always the worst time because I don't know what's gonna hapen to him or if he's going to die before the paramedics get him to the hospital.

Having a brother like mine is the pits, but it's not bad either.  At least he doesn't call me a scuzzball or tell me to get lost, and he never says anything mean to me.  That's kinda nice, but I do wish that he were like most teenage boys instead of having me to take care of him, even though I'm younger.