The North Fork
Did you ever have one of those long weekends you wished would’ve ended as soon as it started? Where you should have taken a flight somewhere and just sipped Mai Tai’s on a beach wiggling your toes in the sand? No kids, no dogs, no chores, and no significant other along to keep you company? This was one of them.
I’d been dating this attractive woman for a couple of months. Joanie was her name. Joanie was divorced from a wealthy potato farmer in Pocatello, Idaho. Yeah, I know…it sounds like it could be a song…“I Left My Heart In Pocatello”.
Joanie had two very spoiled children, John and Cindy. For some reason Joanie got it stuck in her head that she wanted to go camping on the North Fork of the Boise River up by an old mining town called Atlanta that she heard was “really cool”.
“That’s a great idea, Joanie. Atlanta is just over the top of the ridge behind this ranch about twenty miles from here in a straight line. I could borrow three more horses and we could ride and camp and fish the North Fork. Four days would be fun. Atlanta’s got all kinds of hot springs and we could enjoy the springs. The kids would love it. I didn’t know you liked to camp and do stuff like that,” I said with enthusiasm.
Joanie was looking at me like I was a half bubble off center.
“You’ve got this all wrong, Ron,” Joanie said. “I’m not riding a horse and camping out in the wilderness to become some coyote’s dinner not to mention the bugs or sleeping on the ground. Besides, I need my own toilet and shower. Roughing it to me would be taking that brand new travel trailer you have out there and driving up to Atlanta and camping with the kids in the trailer. Also, I need a place to plug in my curlers, my electric toothbrush, my coffee bean grinder, and my hair dryer.”
“Joanie, I bought that trailer to use as a spare room for guests when they come to the ranch to visit, not to travel in. If we drive that means going all the way to Boise and then getting on the Arrowrock Reservoir road and pulling the trailer up a winding, one and a half lane wide dirt ribbon of small rocks for eighty six miles with no guard rails and a one hundred foot drop to the water. It’s going to be about a 120 mile trip altogether and it’s going to take almost all day if there’s any traffic.
“As far as all your personal appliances are concerned there’s nowhere to plug them in, honey. The trailer is 12 volt power until you plug into regular house power. There’s no power or phones in Atlanta and there’s no RV Park. There’s a primitive campground with an outhouse and a couple of water faucets. The horses and camping would be a lot more fun,” I argued.
“Well, what am I going to do for electricity for my things?” she asked in disgust.
Being of quick wit and semi-sound mind I replied, “Maybe you could find a current bush and plug into one them.”
She thought a few moments and then asked, “Do they have those up there or do we have to bring our own? Where do you get them?”
The visual I was getting was one of utter horror. I wasn’t worried about Jonathan. He loved being out in the middle of nowhere but Joanie and her two seeds of “Chuckie” children? I wasn’t too sure about that.
My old cowboy friend, Selby, used to teach me Cowboy Philosophy 101. He told me once, “There are two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.” Of course my favorite at times like this was, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
The ride up to Atlanta was not as enjoyable as Joanie had anticipated. Nonetheless, she was kind of a trooper about it and had resigned herself to being without her normal electric beauty aids. Worrying about dropping off a one hundred foot cliff into a reservoir kept her mind off electricity. Personally, I thought she looked better without all her makeup and “just so” hair. She had a natural beauty that she somehow felt obliged to hide.
Jonathan spent the whole trip asleep, or pretending to be asleep, on the rear seat of the van with his straw cowboy hat covering his face while Joanie’s kids complained every moment of the ride. He wasn’t particularly pleased in knowing he would have to be babysitting these two out of control kids.
We made it to the campground around four in the afternoon. Joanie decided to take the kids for a walk to the hot springs. I decided to take a shower in the trailer and get a short nap before cooking dinner.
I waited for a half hour after checking everything out and lighting the water heater so I’d have a hot shower. Much to my surprise everything worked perfect. My concerns about not doing a short shakedown run proved to be unfounded.
I got in the shower and started to soap up and shampoo my hair. There’s a sequence to use when trying to conserve water when showering in a travel trailer. First you wet down. Next you turn the water off and soap up. Last you rinse off. It probably doesn’t take a gallon of water if all goes right. There’s that word “IF’ again!
I turned the water back on and heard the pump pressurize the lines and then the pump quit! Nothing! Nada! Not a drop! There I was covered with soap and shampoo. I got out of the shower and checked the fuses. The water pump fuse was blown. I had extra fuses so I put a new one in and turned the water on to activate the pump. It started and ran…for about ten seconds and quit again. My thoughts of getting rinsed off were dashed in an instant. It was a feeling like being on a short emotional high and then the bottom drops out. The soap was drying and it was getting very uncomfortable.
Because of my years in the RV business I felt I knew where the problem was. Rocket scientists do not build travel trailers and motor homes. Most of those assemblers can’t even read let alone read and follow a wiring schematic so a repair facility will know where each wire is run. Nope…they just run wires wherever they want and then staple them into place. Therein lays the problem. I knew from experience there had to be a staple through a wire on that circuit. I knew, also, that little staple was probably close to the pump.
The problem with that was the pump was buried under the gaucho bed in the rear of the trailer and located next to the water tank where tiny little Elkhart, Indiana Elves had installed it. That’s right! There’s that little room to work in there.
There was no sense thinking about it. It was time for action. I started taking the bed apart. Once I got everything exposed I saw the problem. It was two staples driven through the pump wire about six inches apart. I got down on my knees and bent over into the small cavity. I don’t need to bore you with all the expletives I was uttering. However, I don’t recall “darn” or “dang” being one of them.
I also had this ominous feeling that 3000 of my former RV customers had cast this curse on me to welcome me to the wonderful world of camping just like they had experienced it when they bought their RV’s from me. The big difference was, I was virtually in the middle of nowhere and cut off from civilization and the world famous Camper Corral Service Department.
As I was bent into the cavity I heard a blood curdling little girl’s shrill scream and she was hysterically screaming, “Mommy! Mommy!”
It must’ve been quite a sight. Me, with my bare ass pointed straight up in the air and covered with soap. Sasquatch wouldn’t be that scary to a kid.
“What the hell are you doing, Ron,” Joanie yelled as I stood up and turned to face her. “Cover yourself up for crying out loud!”
“I guess this is the wrong time to ask if you’d like to fool around a little, huh?” I said with a tad of sarcasm and a wink.
“You can dispense with the smart-assed remarks, right now,” Joanie ordered.
Cowboy Philosophy 101 again… “If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.”
I quietly told Joanie what had happened and told her everything would be back together in five minutes. Jonathan came in to help me but it was more like he just wanted to get away from the strangers in his midst and he needed a good laugh.
After breakfast the next morning I was explaining where we could fish. I didn’t want the kids getting too far away. Because it was run-off time in the mountains I explained that rivers slow down at night because the snows up high refreeze, slowing the flow of water. However by mid-morning the sun would be melting the snow pack and the water would be rushing again at about 30 miles per hour and it would be deep and fast.
“Stay out of the water,” I said sternly. “Under no circumstances are you kids to go in the water. You fish from shore. I’m going to walk up river a ways to fish. Your Mom is going to be here to watch you.”
“What about that little island right out there?” Joanie’s son asked. “The water is only ankle deep. We could walk over there and fish.”
I looked at the arrogant young boy and said, “John, I’ve done mountain search and rescue for three years in this wilderness up here. Hear me and hear me well, young man. If you get stupid…you’ll get dead. If you screw with Mother Nature, she will bite you hard. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he said defiantly.
“That’s a little melodramatic don’t you think, Ron,” Joanie said.
“I think I see where John gets his attitude,” I replied. “Just make sure they don’t go in the water. I’ll only be gone for a couple of hours.”
“I’m going to read a book,” Joanie said as she settled back in her beach lounger under the awning of the trailer. “Have a nice time fishing.”
I had only been gone about an hour when Jonathan caught up with me and he was out of breath from running.
“Dad! Dad! John and Cindy are trapped on that little rock island and the water is rising! Cindy’s going nuts! They almost didn’t make it to the island. She’s really scared, Dad,” he said concerned.
“Why did you let them go out there, Jonathan?” I asked sternly.
“I told them not to go but I went to the bathroom. When I came out they were already halfway to the island. John had her hand leading her,” he answered.
“It figures! How much rope have we got in the van?” I asked while we were walking quickly back to the campground.
“Just what you told me to put in before we left. There are two lariats and a coil of yellow nylon tow rope,” he answered.
“Good boy. That should be enough,” I replied. “What about the life jackets?”
“There’s three, Dad. One for each of us kids,” he answered calmly.
“Great,” I said as we picked up the pace. “Do you remember how to use the winch on the van?”
We picked up the pace to a jog as I noticed the water rising quicker than normal. It must’ve warmed up quickly in the high country. It was noon and about eighty degrees already.
When we got to the campground I checked to see that the van wasn’t attached to the trailer and jumped in, started it up and pulled forward about fifty feet to the embankment. I got out and connected the remote operating device to the winch motor while telling Jonathan to get me the ropes and life jackets.
Joanie finally walked up and smugly asked, “What are you doing now?”
“The better question is, where have you been?” I asked while I was tying the nylon rope to the winch hook.
“I was in taking a little nap in the trailer. The mosquitoes were biting me,” she answered curtly. “What the hell are you doing? Can’t you pay attention to me while I’m talking to you?”
I stood upright, walked over behind her putting my hands on her shoulders, turned her towards the river and pointed.
“Those are your children trapped out there on the rock island they were told not to go to under any circumstances. You were supposed to be watching them. The river is rising rapidly. I just want you to shut up! Don’t come unglued. Don’t do anything stupid. There’s already enough stress in this already stressful situation. You just sit here on this rock and don’t stand up or speak until your children are standing in front of you,” I said as I gently pushed her down to sit on the rock.
“Okay, Jonathan, are you ready?” I asked as I threw the lifejackets over my shoulder and grabbed the coil of yellow tow rope.
“I’m ready, Dad,” he responded. “Go ahead. Be careful.”
“Pull the yellow latch up on the winch to let it free-wheel out. When I give you a thumbs down signal push the latch down to lock it again. When I give you a signal with my arm raised and spinning my finger around push the red button on the remote and hold it down until we’re out of the water. Got it?”
“Go! Go! I can do it,” Jonathan said impatiently.
I slid down the bank and into the river. The current was fast enough to carry me to the rock island in about thirty seconds. I gave Jonathan the signal to lock the winch. Both kids were standing frozen and crying on a small two by four foot patch of rocks. I walked to them and helped them into the lifejackets without speaking. I tied a rough packer sling around John’s waist and between his legs. I let out about ten feet of slack and then lashed myself to the line. I let out a few more feet of line and bent down lifting Cindy into my arms, lashing her to my body.
“Okay kids, listen closely. We aren’t going to be able to stand up in the water. It’s running too fast so, John, let the current take you and keep your head out of the water. The winch is going to tow us out of the water. Cindy…you hold on to me tight. Nothing bad is going to happen to either of you, I promise. Everybody’s going to be okay,” I told them in a reassuring tone as I waved my arm in a spinning motion for Jonathan to start the winch.
The rushing water took John off his feet first and then me. The winch pulled us slowly upstream and out of the water. I untied Cindy and set her down, telling her not to move. I then unlashed John from his harness.
“You can both go to your Mom now,” I said, as they scrambled up the bank and into Joanie’s arms where she was still sitting on the rock.
I crawled up the bank to Jonathan who was waiting for me.
“You did a great job, son. I’m proud of you, Jonathan. I love you very much,” I said as we embraced each other.
“I love you, too, Dad. Hey, you did pretty good for an old guy who can’t swim,” he said with a laugh as he slapped my rear end.
I just shook my head and smiled.
Jonathan and I got everything picked up, packed and put away. I re-hooked the trailer to the van and plugged the lights and electric brakes in.
“Ladys and gentlemen! May I have your attention please? Your trip to The Wonderful World of Camping is over. Roll up them sleeping bags; kick them sleepin’ dogs; pee on the campfire; it’s time to roll! We’re outta here. We can be home by five o’clock. I’ve had about all the excitement I can stand for this weekend,” I said trying to take the edge off the situation.
It was a very quiet ride home. Joanie’s kids didn’t say a word. Jonathan was asleep in the rear of the van with his straw cowboy hat over his face and Joanie…she just stared straight ahead.
After dropping Joanie and her kids off at their house, Jonathan and I started home.
“We’re going to drop the trailer off at the ranch and then I’m taking you to O’Leary’s Steakhouse for dinner,” I said to Jonathan. “You can have anything you want and as much as you want. You’re my hero, Pard…and thanks.”
Jonathan looked at me with a serious look and said, “Did you notice they didn’t even say thank you or anything?”
I looked at Jonathan and said, “Wouldn’t it be sad to go through life having everything you ever wanted or needed except for the one thing you really need and can’t buy?”
“What’s that?” Jonathan asked somewhat puzzled.
“Humility,” I answered.
