The Heart Of The Matter

            “What are those things, Dad?”  Jonathan asked inquisitively.

            “They’re Artichokes and they’re really good!  You’re going to love them,” I answered my five year old son, Jonathan, trying to generate some excitement over a new food he’d never tried.  “Your Nanny used to make them and we all loved them.”

            “What if I don’t like them?” Jonathan asked skeptically.

            “You’re going to love them,” I replied in a commanding tone while shooting the six year old my Mr. Mom look of death.

            Personally, I love Artichokes!  I could eat them seven days a week but too much fiber can have drastic effects on one’s digestive tract, as you well know.  If you eat more than two at a sitting it’s probably not a good idea to take a sleeping pill at bedtime.  Yep, they can work that well.

            Actually this small bloom with prickly leaves is a healthy food.  It aids in digestion, lowers cholesterol, protects your heart, stabilizes blood sugar, and guards against liver disease.  What’s not to like, or in my case, love?

            I especially love them the way my Mom used to make them…Sicilian style.  She’d cut the stem off flush with the bottom so they would sit upright by themselves in a pot.  She would then cut about a half inch off the tops and spread the blossom.  That’s right, the blossom.  To those of you who don’t know, the Artichoke is a flower.  She would then stuff pieces off Romano cheese between the leaves…about a dozen or so.  The next step she would drizzle a little Olive Oil over them.  After that she’d sprinkle a little Italian herbs and garlic powder onto them and top them with Italian bread crumbs.  To cook them she’d place them in a pot in the upright position and fill with water half way up the bloom.  She’d put a little Olive Oil in the well-salted water and bring it to a boil and cook covered for one hour at a slow to medium boil making sure the water level stayed adequate.  Now, don’t I sound just like Chef Boyarukiddin?

            I was preparing our table for dinner complete with a small salad with olive oil and vinegar, fresh baked Vienna bread, and Olive Oil with a tad of Balsamic vinegar and spices to dip the fresh bread in.  I like tearing the bread into pieces for dipping.  I poured myself a glass of Chianti and in a small juice glass with an ice cube I put in a couple of tablespoons of Chianti and topped it with ginger ale for Jonathan.

            For anyone who thinks this is a terrible thing to do to a child let me remind you it’s very healthy for the heart and I was brought up on it.  When I was a kid, I couldn’t leave the table until my Sicilian Rob Roy was finished.  I love Sicilian tradition.

            When we finished our appetizer I went to get the Artichokes thinking, here goes nothing.

            “You can dip the leaves in the melted butter or the mayonnaise.  Let me show you how to eat these now,” I said, pulling a tender leaf off. “First dip the leaf in the butter or the mayo then hold the leaf with the bottom side down and bite down very lightly and pull the leaf out across your bottom teeth to scrap the soft meat off,” I instructed showing him how and discarded the leaf into a big bowl on the table.  “Ummm…that it is good, good, good!”

            Jonathan looked up at me with a please-don’t-make-me-eat-this-stuff kind of look.  Finally he tried it as he dipped the leaf into the melted butter.

            “Wow!  That’s pretty good,” he said, surprised.

            Jonathan watched me closely being sure he was doing everything right.  As I got down to the “heart” of the Artie he watched me clean the center and slide the meat of the heart to one side.

            “What do you do with that part?” he asked.  “It looks yukky.”

            Now, I love Artichoke hearts.  I especially love them cooked this way and dipped in melted butter.  Here’s where I get a little devious.

            “That’s okay.  You don’t have to eat it, Jon.  They’re probably not good for little boys anyway,” I replied with a wink.

            “Can I have more salad, then?” he asked.

            “Sure.  You can have all the salad you want,” I replied thinking, ‘Oh boy!  More Artie hearts for me.’

            This little charade went on for the next three years and dozens of Artichokes until my return from a trip to Nashville.  My friends, Ron and Carol and their three daughters had been taking care of Jonathan for three weeks.  They came to pick me up at the airport in Boise on my return.

            Jonathan usually ran up to me and jumped into my arms.  It was always a happy reunion.  This time however, without a smile or a hello, he just walked up to me and planted his hands on his hips and stared at me.

            “What?” I asked.  “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

            “You lied to me,” he said with a glare.

            “What do you mean, I lied to you?” I asked, totally oblivious to what was coming.

            “You told me that Artichoke hearts weren’t good for little boys!  You’ve been eating all my Artichoke hearts for a long time.  Ron and Carol have Artichokes all the time and they told me the hearts are the best parts,” he said with the authority of a prosecuting attorney.

            “Did you really tell him that, Ron?” Carol asked.

            I just shook my head and said nothing.  I looked like the cat with the canary feathers sticking out of his mouth.

            My friend, Ron chimed in, “The upside is, Jonathan now loves Artichoke hearts. The downside is, now he trades leaves for hearts with my daughter, Donna who won’t eat the hearts.  Kind of poetic isn’t it?  Your Artichoke bill is going to go way up especially with all the ‘make up’ hearts you owe him.”

            I looked at my friend, then Jonathan, smiled and said, “I’ll give him ‘make-up’ hearts.  On my ‘playing field’ Jonathan has to eat all the leaves before he gets to the heart of the matter.  No leaves…no heart and…no cheating either.  You have to scrape the whole leaf clean, Jonathan.  You don’t get to just bite the tender tips off.”

            After socializing for a while and getting all the updates on Jon’s schoolwork it was time to head back to the ranch.

            “Thanks for taking care of Jon, you guys.  We’ve got to stop at Albertson’s on the way back to the ranch,” I said.

            “What for?” Jonathan asked.

            “For Artichokes,” I replied.  “My mouth is watering for them after all this talk about Artichokes.”

            Without hesitation Jonathan asked excitedly, “Can Donna come up to the ranch for a couple of days?”

            I looked at Ron and Carol then down at Jonathan and said, “Nice try, Bucko!  Nice try!”