 Thao is the name of my father’s friend. Our mother told me that Ms. Thao and my father liked each other very much. She was beautiful and a local Miss when she was young. However, once I met her, I did not think she was beautiful and I did not find any young beauty remained. My mother told me that hardship of life had a corrosive effect on her beauty. Vietnamese believe that talented and beautiful females often suffer agony. Ms. Thao was not happy in love and family because she was beautiful and talented. My sisters’ names are the names of my father’s female friends.
Once, we interviewed our parents. My oldest sister asked, “Mom, why are not you jealous at Daddy’s ladies? When Daddy calls our names, he remembers his ladies. Also, sometimes you let Daddy hang out with them. Why?”
Our mother gently smiled, “Why am I jealous? I am very proud to have your daddy, who is handsome and many beautiful ladies like him. I trust his love and his loyalty. I adore and serve him well.”
Our father glanced subtly at my mother and told us, “No woman is smarter than your mother. She ties me by her virtues.”
My parents were a happy couple. They carefully chose our names, and each name had a certain meaning that influenced our fates.
When I was little, I did not like my name at all. Bùi Anh Thao is a boy’s name and an unusual name. Thao is not a Vietnamese familiar name, especially for girls. In general, a girl’s name is “Thảo” “Grass.” Moreover, my middle name is “Anh” “Brother,” and my name does not contain Thị, the signal to distinguish a girl’s name from a boy’s name. Bùi is not a common family name in Vietnam. In first grade, my friends thought my name was strange. Lý Hà told me, “Bùi Anh Thao, your name is so funny. You should change your name to Nguyễn Thị Thảo”
I did not agree with her, “Why do I have to change my family name “Bùi”? I love my family name.”
Lý Hà argued, “You see in our class, only you have the last name, ‘Bùi.’ Our last names are ‘Trần’, ‘Nguyễn’, ‘Phạm’, or ‘Phan’. I never hear or see the last name Bùi. Your last name Bùi makes me think I am eating peanuts. Yummy and tasty.”
Other friends agreed with Lý Hà. They laughed and cried loudly, ‘Bui Anh Thao,’ a boy’s name, yummy and tasty.”
I got mad, cried, and yelled, “Stop, please! Don’t say that, please! I will tell our teacher you laughed at me. My last name is very beautiful and special.”
Kim Lan felt sorry for me, gently told me, “Bùi Anh Thao, you should change your name to Bùi Thị Anh Thảo because it looks like a girl’s name.”
I liked her suggestion, but I shook my head and told her, “’Bùi Thị Anh Thảo is a nice name. I like it, but I do not want to change my name at all because my father gave me the name, ‘Bùi Anhthao’, the name I do not like.”
During my childhood, my teachers and my friends often called my full name. I did not notice the difference and did not know why.
My name can be interpreted in different ways. “Anh” goes with “Hùng” that becomes “Anh hùng” “a hero.” I think “Thao” has no meaning if it stands alone. “Thao” goes with “lược” that becomes “thao lược”, “the art of war.” Thao also goes with tác that becomes “thao tác” “manipulate.” Thao goes with “diễn” that becomes “thao diễn,” “a parade,” but my father told me that “diễn” means “diễn thuyết” “ the speech.” Anhthao means a hero in the battle or in oratory. During my life, I often fight against my internal enemies: fear, depression, doubt, and conflict. On the other hand, I like writing and I work as a teacher, which emphasizes oral skills. Therefore, I am a hero in oratory.
Names are important because they influence individuals’ characters and identity. One Vietnamese respectful elder told me that those whose middle names are “Anh” are stubborn because “anh” is symbolic of male characteristic. All these meanings fit with my complex identity.
When I was in Junior High School, I noticed my name was special. I was proud of my name, and the way my parents named me. Bùi is not a popular name in Vietnam, but, in America, many Bùis are successful. I do not know much about my ancestor, but I am very proud to be Bùi’s offspring.
One priest called me, “Ăn Tham,” “Greedy Food,” instead of “Anh Thao.” I like the nickname because I am greedy the food of knowledge. I am hungry and thirsty for knowledge. I am always seeking knowledge to eat and absorb as much as I can.
In the United States, I keep my name, but write it in American way. My middle name and my name become one word, “Anhthao” because I want people call me, “Anh Thao.” If I write, “Anh,” like my middle name, they only call me, “Thao.” My Vietnamese friends often call me, “Thảo” because they think that my original name is, “Thảo,” as Vietnamese do not put accents on their names in the United States.
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