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Randall Davis Barfield

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Lid
by Randall Davis Barfield
Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rated "PG" by the Author.

       
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           >> View all 118


     .

 

“What are you talking about?” Laura asked.
 
“About us,” Ryan said. “I wanna be with you Saturday. All day.”
 
“I don’t know. I’ve got a lot of work to do for my classes,” Laura said.
 
“I’ll help you Sunday.”
 
Laura laughed. “You’re funny. You don’t remember what happened last time you said that?”
 
“I remember you were beautiful that day. You’d cut your hair different, but it was nice,”
he said. “You wore powder blue slacks and a white blouse.”
 
“You showed up like at 5 or 6 p.m. That’s what happened,” she said.
 
“I know. I had to play soccer. Turned out to be one of our best games ever.” Silence. Both breathed into their phones. “C’mon Laura. Please. I’ll make it worth your while.”
 
“How?” she asked, smiling.
 
“You know how,” Ryan said.
 
“I’ll think about it,” Laura said. She was walking round the spacious apartment.
 
“Hmm, that’s strange.”
 
“What’s strange?” Ryan asked.
 
“The toilet lid’s down in the half bath,” she said. “We never leave that lid down.” The menfolk, Laura’s dad and Ryan, were the two who mainly used the half bath. 
 
“Well, put it up,” Ryan said.
 
“Well I will,” Laura said. “But who put it down?”
 
“What’s the big deal?” Ryan asked. “Toilet lids are up or down all the time anywhere in the world.”
 
“Just a minute, let me put it up.” Laura laid the phone down on the kitchen breakfast bar then went into the half bath to put the toilet lid up. The weirdest feeling crept over her at that moment, which caused her to hesitate. Then she dismissed it as silliness and raised the lid.
 
Loads of the most foul-smelling, dark, half liquid muck with minute yellow particles in it began the sudden blast, spewing out in all directions from deep inside the toilet bowl. Ryan couldn’t see Laura throw her hands up to protect herself but he could certainly hear her muffled screams.
 
“Laura!” he cried. “Honey, answer me!”
 
In a matter of minutes Laura was nearly covered from head to foot and the half bath was filling up rapidly. Laura sank to the hardwood floor in a shocked stupor. Soon she would be covered entirely and her air cut off. Her last thought before her eyes closed was to wonder how the door to the half bath had closed.
 

 

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Reviewed by Lane Diamond 8/29/2008
Pew! It's a good story, but this one leaves me wanting more. Do you write only flash fiction? I only ask because I see great potential for a longer story here. -- Dave Lane
Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce 8/27/2008
Oh my! What a stinky way to die!!! Who would have thought of such explosion could happen. Interesting story, Randy!!!

Sandie Angel :o)
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 8/27/2008
who woould have thought the lid being up or down would be so important?
Reviewed by Lois Christensen 8/26/2008
Scary story for bedtime reading. It's mucky too but how did she die so horrible a death. It will haunt me to no end now having read this adventure. It is a good story, but put a lid on it and carry on with a better ending for all of us to read about.
Reviewed by Shawn Cormier 8/26/2008
Liked what I read and would like to read more. This seems almost to be a trailer to a much larger work. It's a good character sketch and makes me want to follow Ryan on an edventure that relates back to what he's been through. Keep going! Nice job.
Reviewed by Bonnie May 8/26/2008
Oh my, what a way to go. Sorry, that's the first thing I thought of. How come he didn't go in after her. I have lots of questions on this story...are you going to do a part II? Love, Bonnie
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 8/26/2008
Interesting horror tale, Randall; if I have nightmares about spwewing toilets tonight....LOL I'm blamin' YEW!! GEEZ, what a chiller you've penned; bravo!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D

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