Monday, September 8, 2008, 7:24 a.m., D.S.T., Nashville, TN~

Dear Journal~

Louie here.  I am feeling a mixture of emotions this morning:  relief, yet sadness.  Joy yet confusion.  Seems our little friend, Billy Ray, has moved on.  He's gone to another foster family; he just left an hour ago; already my heart is breaking.  I miss him.

I loved Billy Ray, don't get me wrong; however, he has a lot of deep-seated problems that need to be ironed out. Billy's never had much of a family environment; whoever had him before us spoiled him to the point to where he's unmanageable. 

We tried our best to shower him with love, but he didn't seem to want it.  All Billy did was test us, and it was starting to wear on our family.  He was hard to control, seemingly unreachable.

I don't think we made much headway in that department.  He didn't seem to want or accept our love.  He remained indifferent, stubborn, uncaring.

The last straw came over the weekend, when he kicked my dog.  Thank God my little Pommer wasn't injured, but she was traumatized; now whenever people run towards her, she scuttles away, yelping in fear.  It's not like her, and it has me worried.  Now that Billy Ray has left, maybe she can calm down, learn to trust again.

He'd bitten me, spit in my face a few times, even went as far as locking us out (tried for an hour to get in), or dumping the trash all over our just-cleaned kitchen floor (the can had a lot of coffee grounds in it; you can imagine the mess that left!). 

I feel like we've failed in trying to become foster parents.  I don't think we will be doing this again for a while; there's too much heartache involved.  You get a child, you become attached to them, then they leave.  I can't handle that.  I need a child to stay with us on a permanent basis; children are meant to be loved, not shuttled from one home to another!

We've had several foster children in the past, and they still remain in our hearts.  We loved them as much as we did/do our own children.  I still miss them to this day.

I am off work today and tomorrow; worked all weekend.  It was crazy-busy; had something like twenty four admissions in two days! YIKES!  I was ready to pull out my hair!

Mattaq called:  he has been banned from the hospital in Anchorage for two days.  The nurse said he looked worse than Sikik did; she was worried, so she sent him home, back to the motel he's staying at.  Hopefully he listened.  LOL  Sikik is hanging on, proving to be a little fighter!  I pray she makes it through this latest crisis in one piece!  I will continue to lift Sikik and her family in prayer!

Also, Louisa Mason is in the hospital again:  seems her MD is worsening, starting to affect her breathing.  I am most concerned about her; when that happens, it usually means the end is near.  I will have to pray for her, also her sister Naomi, as they cope with this latest development.

Seems my prayer list keeps on getting longer and longer; wonder how God even has time to answer all the prayers of the world being directed at Him!! If I were Him, I'd be going stir crazy!! LOL

Hurricane Ike is headed towards the Gulf.  Right now he's a cat-2 (passed over Cuba); there's a liklihood that he'll strenghten again.  I pray and hope not; the Gulf has been battered too much now by hurricanes (three hurricanes have struck; now there's Ike)!  I have been praying hard for the people of that area; bet they're hurricane'ed out! 

I know I am; I have family in that area!  I worry about them each and every time!

Well, I am going to go:  Ian is crying, and I am sure Isaiah won't be long in following.  They're awake; they probably are hungry and/or need changing.  I will write in here again soon; until then, this is Louisiana signing off!  Take care and God bless!

~Love, your friend, Louie May. :)