Friday, October 10, 2008, Denver, Colorado, 4:24 a.m., M.T.~

Dear Kierra Anne~

I don't know what the hell you are trying to prove, but I don't need anyone preachin' at me right now.  If anything, I don't need anyone in my life; I wish people'd leave me the f*** alone!

I'm happiest being by myself.  I don't interact well with others, especially those who don't take the time to understand me or my ideals.

I guess if you must know who I am, I will tell you about myself.  Name's Sage.  Sagetarius Rainbow McDermott.  I'm sixteen, will be seventeen on Hallowe'en, October 31.  I'd lived with my grandmother since I was four after my parents abandoned me; granny died a few months back, and now I'm living with my aunt and uncle.  I'm in the eleventh grade.

I've always had a problem with people trying to reach out, wanting to help me.  I'd rather be by myself, where I can think, do my own thing, et al, without anyone harping at me.  I hope you don't find me rude, but I've always been something of a loner.

When I am not at school, I like to read (Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Bram Stoker, Edgar Allen Poe, also love R.L. Stine's books for teens, "Fear Street" and some of the "Goosebumps" series of books for younger readers), paint, draw, write stories/poetry, write in my journal.  I've started a journal, have written six entries in it now; will no doubt be many more as I try to navigate this adventure called "Life".

I guess I am angry because of mom and dad ditching me when I was four.  I mean, was I that bad of a kid that they decided they no longer wanted me??  What kind of parents would do that to their very own kid??  Why didn't they step up to the plate, take full responsibility in taking care of me, loving me?? 

They've made no attempt in trying to contact me. I've tried to see where they are at, or if they are even interested in getting in touch with me; all I've succeeded in doing was hitting a brick wall, and it hurts, it really hurts!!

I guess I dress the way I do as a way of crying out, acting out.  I want people to notice me, so this is why I am so into the "goth" thing.  I like to be different, so this is why I do the things I do, hang around with the kids I do.  Maybe it's not the best choice of friends, but for now, it's what I'm most comfortable with.

I guess I shun religion because I was forced to hear it all my life, and I don't see any problem in what I do.  I don't smoke, I don't drink, nor do I do drugs.  The only thing I do is dress freaky, listen to freaky music, and like to hang out with my friends.  They aren't into drugs or drink either.  They're just regular kids like me, kids trying to find a way in this world without trying to conform to society.

I guess Jesus isn't a bad guy; after all, if He can love even me, of all people, then I guess I need to give him a chance.  The truth of the matter is, I'm scared that if He finds out how I've acted towards Him, running away from Him all these years, He'd only abandon me, just like my parents did.  I don't think I could live with that kind of ultimate heartbreak, rejection! 

Now, my uncle and aunt weren't always this religious:  it's only been in the past few months when they got crazy, and it's scared me stupid.  They act just like my straitlaced granny, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.  I guess it's because it reminds me that my granny is now dead, and seeing them act like her only makes me think of her memory, makes me miss her even more.

They were nice enough to take me in as their own, so I guess I should relent, try to be more civil towards them.  It's only right, ya know??

Just keep me in your prayers, and thanks for trying to help me.  I suddenly realize just how good I really have it.  I mean, I can walk, I have legs, and I have a good mind.  You can't get around without wheels, you have no legs, and yet you have such a cheery disposition, and you're trying to help kids stay out of gangs or away from alcohol/drugs.  That's very commendable of you; I don't think I could ever have that kind of courage if that ever happened to me!

I do hope to hear from you again; it's kind of nice to get mail; I don't get that much as it is; makes me wonder if anyone even cares. 

Take care, and I will write to you again.  Bye!

~Sage Rainbow McDermott, age 16 1/2, Denver, Colorado. :)