The Spider's Web Part 5

A sense of calmness and serenity prevailed on the deck of the vessel. Vincent experienced the warmth of his father's presence again. Vincent, who, the night before had been eager to take over the responsibility for his father's life, was not yet ready to give up the daily bedtime story that his father used to tell him. Vincent observed his father for a while to reassure himself that his father's health and spirits were in good shape. He sensed, more than ever before, the need to hear his father narrate stories, as this time he felt the need to commit them to memory as soon as possible. Then Vincent smiled at his father complacently and said,
“Dad, can you tell me a story today?” The senior de Montaigne seemed glad to hear Vincent's request, as in the old days.
"What would you like to hear, today?” Vincent hesitated for a while, then took his courage in his hands and said, 
"Dad, you have never told me how you met Mom.” This question awakened his father's interest although he was ready for sleep after his first exciting day at sea. He first looked Vincent deeply in his eyes, as though he wanted to tell him, “Oh! my son, this is the most incredible story in my life.” Vincent sensed that something was passing through his father's mind. He thought at first that maybe his father was not yet ready to reopen the old wounds and awaken the painful memories. Then his father's voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Vincent, I am glad to hear your request; I have waited so long for this question." He sighed and continued, "I was deeply disturbed and sad when I met your mother. It was early in the afternoon, on a normal weekday; the sun shone brightly, everything seemed as usual; one could not imagine that this would be the turning point of my life. At that time I had been seeing another girl for more than a year; we loved each other very much. We were two inseparable human beings. She had sworn that our relationship would last forever. On that day, we had a rendezvous in what was then the marketplace. I was the first to arrive. This was not usual; normally she had always been first. I waited for over an hour. No sign of Josephine.”  Vincent interrupted,
"Who is Josephine?”
“The girl that I am talking about”, replied his father, somewhat annoyed by Vincent's question, and continued, “As I said, she had not arrived; I became nervous, because I knew that she was always on time. Many bad thoughts passed through my mind. I tried to appease myself by thinking of various positive possibilities. But something kept nagging at me; I thought of an accident; or maybe she was sick; something must have happened to her. Another hour had passed. My heart started to tremble with joy when her silhouette appeared at the other side of the marketplace. I prayed with relief. I thanked God for the happiest day of my life, when suddenly I realized that Josephine was walking towards me very slowly. I thought of running towards her, but held myself back, as I did not want to appear ridiculous, since the place was full of people who knew us both.

I decided to remain where I was, but Josephine's steps were even slower and the short distance which separated us became endless. When her face was just a short distance from mine, I perceived her eyes, which were not smiling as usual this time. I again experienced a sense of concern. I had thought that something must have happened in her family. But I never thought at that minute that something had happened which would change my entire life. The need to kiss her and hug her was so strong that my whole being shook violently. I tried to hide my emotions, but my face must have certainly betrayed me. When she reached me, she stopped short. I tried to restrain myself, in order to give her the chance to talk first. Her face had changed drastically. Her expression was serious; she was silent and seemed very concerned about how to break the tidings to me. I decided to comfort her without knowing why. 'Don’t worry, Josephine, I am with you in good things and bad.' As I finished saying these words, her ex¬pression became even more clouded. This time she seemed to express pity for me. I thought that the news would be terrible and that Josephine was trying to protect me from a great shock.

I thought at that moment about her mother and father; something must have happened which had made her silent with shock. I was at a loss about how to finally extract the bad news from her. Every moment of silence became an eternity. Then with a disguised smile she began, 'It is a nice day today.' I understood then that something had happened that had made her change. I realized, too, that the reason could not be so bad after all. Then I thought of a joke and felt relieved. I said to her angrily, 'For God's sake, what happened to you?' She continued to smile; this time I could see that her smile contained a hint of irony. And then suddenly I remembered that one day she had told me a joke, in order to determine if I was a jealous person. So I refused to be serious. I tried to play her game. But I could not begin to realize that this time it was in earnest. Suddenly, I felt like a stranger. The entire ground seemed to heave under my feet. This time if we were playing a game, then it was going to be a long one.

She had always cared about my feelings before and had never pushed so far. Usually, she had been the one to run towards me like a child. Her presence used to enliven my whole being. Her vitality used to give me a lot of strength and courage. Today, this seemed to have changed and I could not figure out why. My mind was in total confusion.

Josephine continued, 'The sun is my best friend.' I had not heard the word “sun”, just the word 'friend.' I hat not understood what she meant. My emotions, at that moment, filled not only my entire body, but also my brain, which was not functioning at all.

I just remember that at that time I repeated the word friend. She did not lose a moment and said, 'Yes, I have a new friend'. Meanwhile, I tried to analyze her sentence quickly in my mind.  I then recalled that she had mentioned 'the sun is my best friend'. I repeated after her, 'Yes, sun is our best friend.' She smiled again and repeated, 'you are not listening. I have a new friend'. I thought she wanted to tell me that she had discovered new things in me, that she had not realized before, and which she wanted to express particularly and specially by saying, 'I have a new friend'. Then, in order to try and to be at her intellectual level, I continued, 'Of course, you have a new friend. I discovered both the old and the new friend'. 'Yes', she answered, very pleased that I finally understood what she had been trying to say.

She then continued, 'I want to introduce him to you'. 'Of course,' I answered, believing that I had understood what was going on in her head, when she suddenly turned her head to the right and called, 'Matthew, will you come here, I want to introduce you to my old friend'. I was numb with shock and did not want to reach any conclusion. It must be that she wanted to introduce me to a cousin, whom I did not know and this game was aimed at testing my feelings. Like a stupid, I greeted this young man enthusiastically, when she suddenly kissed him on the lips. This time there was no longer any doubt. This was not a game, but rather the reality.
 
I was completely paralyzed in the face of the new situation when Josephine turned towards me and gave me a lovely kiss as usual. I was completely confused and could not understand what was happening to me. My life became even more complicated when I realized that she again gave Matthew a kiss on the mouth. This time, the kiss continued as though I were not even present. When she saw that I did not react, Josephine said, 'You see, I knew that you would understand. I love you both with all my heart'.

The word 'confused' no longer held any meaning for me. I could not begin to realize what was happening to me. Then I suddenly became aware that Josephine really meant what she was saying. I had one of two choices. Either to accept this new situation, which was to share Josephine with this young man, or to take the consequences and to quit. My feelings were in a turmoil and my blood was boiling like lava. I suddenly wanted to quit but somehow the words did not come out. I had lost my composure. I looked in her eyes and felt that I loved her much more than before. I did not have the courage to tell her what I was thinking. But the truth was I, myself did not know what to decide. I glanced at the new friend. I pitied him. I did not want to hurt him. I did not want to hurt her either. At that moment, I did not think about myself. The more I looked at her, the more beautiful she seemed. I wanted to kiss her and hug her. I discovered more details in her face than I had ever realized before.

If this man had not been there I would have been the happiest man in the world, especially now. But his presence robbed me of my tranquility. She was watching me with expectation. I saw in her eyes that she also loved me more and more. The young man was watching to see my reaction. We must have had similar thoughts. He was good. He was nice. He was younger than I. My God, I said to myself, what should I do? Then suddenly the feeling of pardon came to my heart. If I loved her so much, I should not disturb her happiness. I thought the best way was to let her be happy with her new man. Finally, love means to give and not to take. So I traded my happiness for hers, and with a very calm voice I told her, 'I have something else to do. Would you please excuse me?' And without giving her the usual kiss, I just walked away.
 

 Copyright Emile M. Tubiana 2009 all rights reserved