The Spider’s Web - Part 6

   By the time I reached the other side of the marketplace, I could feel the ray of her sight on my shoulder. I did not want to turn my head, I don’t know why. But finally, and very discreetly, I turned my head and saw them both still standing in the same place, watching my face.
   After a long walk, I finally ended up in a small bar, just to have a drink to calm myself, and to realize what had really happened to me and to her. Honestly, I still couldn't accept the truth; it seemed like a bad dream. Knowing her so well, I could not imagine even for a moment that she was capable of such a thing. I was not upset at all, but my mind was mutilated to a sort of paralysis.
   Many workers sat around the bar, drinking. There were also a few women. I did not want to. hear about women, as felt that women were a mystery. I had been going with Josephine seriously; I had dreamed of creating a family. I was not an adventurer. I had never betrayed Josephine even with a look. And at that time, every girl that I knew had been jealous of Josephine.
   I remembered that one day I had invited to a party. Josephine had also been invited, but she did not attend as she was sick. I was the only man without a partner, and that had provoked the thoughts of a rich farmer, who approached me very politely and invited me to have a drink with her. I was not ready to accept her invitation, as I still hoped that Josephine would appear any minute. I did not want to give Josephine the smallest reason to be upset or to doubt my sincerity or my honesty. But this rich young girl was very persistent. When she finally realized that I wouldn't change my mind, she said:
    ‘Do you really think that Josephine would behave in the same way as you do?’ I was not happy to hear her remark, but I kept my expression impassive and chose not to react to her provocative remark. But even at that time, the slightest suspicion that Josephine might be with someone else, did not enter my mind and that evening had ended without Josephine and without any woman.
   I ordered a whisky. Suddenly a very nice young girl came to my table. As usual, I wanted to ignore her presence, but there was something in her sad expression and eyes that I found arresting. She seemed helpless. She certainly did not look like a girl who was chasing a man. My mind was still directed to Josephine, although I had given up. But somehow, I couldn't keep myself from glancing at her eyes. She didn't smile even for a moment. Her mind seemed to be preoccupied. She looked very concerned and said hesitantly:
   ‘Young man, do you want a job on a farm?’ At that time, I already had a job, but the word farm had attracted my attention. I looked at her for a mo¬ment, in order to see if her question was just an excuse to enter into conversation with me. She was silent and awaited my answer without insistence. I realized that she was serious, especially as she did not order even a single drink. I decided to answer with caution.
   ‘Why me? There are so many men here.’
For a moment, she looked again at my eyes and continued:
   ‘I need someone serious like you.’ Her presence and her being instilled in me a feeling of calmness, trust and serenity. When Josephine broke up with me, many thoughts had passed through my mind and I had promised myself never to have anything to do with women again. It had been a shock. The young girl broke the silence again with:
   ‘Would you like to work on a farm?’ I did not really know what to answer; the idea of going to work on a farm appealed to me as the most appropriate thing to do, in order to forget Josephine. But I was hesitant to accept, as I was not sure, if this was not another woman’s trap. But I looked at her again, and realized that she was serious. I asked:
  ‘Where?’ She answered:
  ‘On our farm.’
  ‘Why did your father send you to look for a man?’ I did not realize that this question was extremely tactless, but she answered in a grave tone:
   ‘My father is dead.’ Her answer created in me a feeling of sorrow and of pity. I knew that any further questions would be embarrassing to her. I answered:
   ‘I am sorry, when can I start?’ She stood up.
   ‘Right now. Come with me before it gets too late. We shall travel in my coach.’
   I stood up and followed her without a second thought, not feeling the need to contradict her, as if I was being carried on a current. Outside, her coach with her horse was waiting for us. We sat down next to each other and the horse started to go, without even waiting for her command.
   I had a very strange feeling; I had just finished with Josephine and after less than an hour, here I was sitting with a girl whom I had never seen before, headed towards an unknown destination. At the same time, I felt like I had known her for a long time. I asked her
    ‘What is your name?’
   ‘Mary!’ she answered. I suddenly felt at peace because this name represented Holy Mary to me.  I felt that my job had started already and asked her:
   ‘Shall I drive?’ Without hesitation and without a word she handed me the reins and I continued to drive. We reached the farm after a three-hour ride. When we arrived, her mother was sitting outside awaiting her return. Her first remark was:
   ‘Welcome home!’ She did not seem to be in the best of health. Mary prepared a simple soup and the three of us sat down around the table. I felt that I had found a home with a family.
Mary left the table before us and after a moment of absence she came back and said to me:  
   ‘Your bed is ready. We have to go to sleep early as we have a long day ahead of us’.
   I couldn't sleep all night long. I thought of all that had happened to me within the span of less that a day. It was a dramatic change in my life. Here I was, suddenly settled on a farm, with a family that I had never known before; but I never felt for a moment that they were strangers to me. I sensed a feeling of responsibility. Josephine was like a memory which receded with the distance.
   After a few months, Mary's mother passed away. All the neighboring farmers were present at the funeral. The priest did not cease for a moment looking at me and at Mary. Mary did not have any family, except for me, I thought. I had to be next to her; we must have looked like a married couple. Mary was a little confused with this situation. After the funeral services, the priest asked for my name. He kept looking at me. Then, in a fatherly tone, he said:
   ‘Take care of Mary.’ This remark was redun¬dant. I thought he might have meant, ‘don’t abuse her’ and found the thought very embarrassing.
   My behavior towards Mary had always been very proper; I had never had the slightest thought of having her as my wife. Later, all the people present at the funeral joined us at our farm for lunch. I looked at everyone with skepticism; I wanted to clarify our proper relationship so they would not doubt my intentions. Then I hesitated, and thought it best to ignore them.  
   The priest came to me while I was in the kitchen, to talk about Mary. I tried to avoid him as I felt that this was not the right moment. But he did not give up and kept following me; finally I faced him with:
   ‘Father, do you want to tell me something?’
   ‘Yes, my son, I wonder what we can do tonight.’
   At first I did not understand his message, then I realized that he meant Mary and me; as we were strangers, we could not spend the night together in the same house. His concern disturbed me a lot. But I realized that he meant well for Mary, as her reputation and honor were at stake. He continued, ‘I shall ask Mrs. Johnson if she is willing to sleep over at the farm, until we find a solution to your problem.’
   I was insulted, as I had never had the slightest thought about this. Before Mary’s mother died, no one had paid any attention to me. Now, I had become a problem. I cared about Mary more than anyone else, but no one could sense my feelings. I found this ridiculous, especially on the first night after her mother's death, while Mary was obviously in distress. The presence of Mrs. Johnson would not change anything anyway. If Mary and I wanted to be together, we could have done this even when her mother was still alive. But I desisted as I did not want to upset any traditions or cause any gossip. I cared more about Mary’s honor than about mine.
   A few days had already passed with Mrs. Johnson coming over to the farm. Mary was not as natural as she had been before. I could perceive in her look that she was also embarrassed and she did not give me the usual care that I had become accustomed to.
   For the first time, I began looking at Mary in a different light. She was affable and kind. But I was compelled to hide my real feelings which I had discovered only recently; I knew now that Mary was very dear to me. I did not want to lose her presence even for a moment. We exchanged few words and she seemed reticent to speak to me in front of Mrs. Johnson. Her look, however, became more and more expressive. I felt that she wanted to tell me something. Our relations had been limited to the exchange of looks. We spoke with our eyes. One day, Mrs. Johnson was in the kitchen, as I was going to the field. Mary suddenly accompanied me to the door, and held my hand. I felt a vibration pass through my entire being. I went to the field, but my mind did not stop for a moment from thinking about Mary and the warm touch of her hand. The work that I had accomplished before in an hour now took me all day as I did not want to return and see Mrs. Johnson. I preferred to mull over the sensation that I had experienced with Mary’s hand for the first time in my life.
   At that moment, I knew that I loved Mary more than anything in the world. I did not ask if Mary loved me too. I did not bother with such a question. Her hand told me everything. Now, I only wanted to touch her hand again and again. Mrs. Johnson’s presence became a big obstacle.

 Copyright Emile M. Tubiana 2009 all rights reserved