Part 10

   It was almost five o'clock in the afternoon. He tried to think about something just to ease the pressure on his legs. This time his mind wandered to Josephine. He wondered where she could be at this hour and how far she could be from him. Then to Josephine's father, then to Mrs. Martin and finally to Olivia.  He realized that every human being had a world for himself and a world for society. Vincent understood that it was not sufficient to know someone from the outside. 
   The thought that everyone was two-faced saddened him.  He was not aware of the unwritten rules and conventions of society. He now realized that Josephine who attracted him so much with her charm, her attitude, her looks, and her behavior could be displaying only one side of her character, the side of society. He also realized that he did not know her well enough to make a long term decision towards her. If only he could penetrate her heart, her mind and her thoughts, all his problems would be resolved in a trice.
   Vincent was now so deeply immersed in his thoughts that he was unaware of the motion of the coach and did not notice the pain in his legs any more. His mind was rapt in a question to which he had no answer. Was  Josephine pretending to be a very nice person or was she really? She actually had never spoken about herself, her childhood or her mother. He couldn't understand how he could have been with her for so long on the ship without asking her any question which may have resolved this quandary which was now weighing down on his heart and mind.
   He wondered if everyone waited until they were old to tell the real story of their life, like Mrs. Martin who had divulged to him the message of her life or maybe a part of it? She seemed to be honest and her talk seemed to be frank. He wondered why Mrs. Martin had imparted to him, a total stranger, the most confidential story of her life.? It could be because she was old and had nothing to lose, or maybe she wanted to revive some vestige of her youth, when she was still pure and innocent. She was now a grandmother and probably had to nurture her grand¬children, but she had to live with her past which she could never forget or erase from her memory. Mrs. Martin seemed to have so much on her heart and mind, souvenirs of all kinds, full of pain, and misery and happiness. She carried a secret pain which seemed to be deeply affecting her soul.  Vincent realized the courage of a mother who went through her daily obligations, her love and concern for her children, despite the feelings of her youth.
   We think that our life on earth is perpetual, but in reality we are not aware of what we have. Every human being is born with a capital which is called time. Everyone has at his disposal an indefinite amount of time. If we only knew how much time we had at our disposal!
   It dawned on Vincent that time is the most precious thing a human being can have, like a jar of water in a desert, which dwindles from day to day and from hour to hour, know¬ing that with every consumed drop you are reducing your life span. Vincent regretted not having used his time more judiciously.
   Vincent had never seen a desert. Now a desert came alive vividly in Vincent's mind. He realized that we take our life for granted and fritter away our time without concern. He couldn't conceive how a human being could survive alone in a desert with the knowledge that the quantity of water he possessed would decide his longevity. He began to comprehend why society with all that is good and bad is in¬dispensible to the existence of humanity. Water and food are ties that relate one to the other despite our different opinions about one another. This tie is the lifeblood that we all share like the air that we share equally and without dispute.
   The air that penetrates deep in our lungs and blood is the most generous common denominator. If only the air could speak, it could tell us about our neighbor and friend as it is the only element that seeps through our entirety and without our permission nourishes the minutest cells of our whole being.  Air is the only omnipresent element that everyone not only accepts to penetrate their privacy but everyone is eager to have. Vincent suddenly sensed a slowing down in the motion of the coach. He came back to the present without realizing that he had travelled for many hours without feeling the pain of the trip. He glanced out the window, but it was already dark. 
   Throughout the entire trip the two elderly gentlemen had been so absorbed in their conversation that they had been completely oblivious to Vincent's presence. Vincent had not paid any attention to their stories, he had been so preoccupied with  his own plight. On board ship, he had at least been able to move his legs freely.  Mr. Mershenson and his father were rather heavily built for the slender Vincent.  Suddenly his father noticed Vincent and inquired solicitously:
   “Do you feel well my son?  We are here at last!” Vincent, who was embar¬rassed by this question, politely just replied:
   “Yes.” His father had no idea that the trip had been a terrible ex¬perience for Vincent. His father's spirits were soaring at see¬ing his best friend again and Vincent did not want to dampen them. All he wanted was to get out of the coach and walk. This had been an unpleasant and exhausting experience.
   The carriage pulled up at the impressive front door of a beautiful mansion. Mr. Mershenson alighted, then Vincent stepped down and his father after him. A very well-dressed butler stood at the front door. Two Indian helpers took care of the luggage. Vincent felt relieved just to deeply breathe the pure air and to be able to move his legs. His father did not seem tired from the trip.
   Mr. Mershenson glanced at his watch and said
   “We are on time. I told you I did not live far. You see we made it in four and a half hours. Isn't it marvelous?” Vincent kept his less than enthusiastic opinion to himself. Mr. Mershenson, with a grand gesture, said:
   “Gentlemen, consider this your home!” Vincent paid no heed to Mr. Mershenson. He was engrossed in getting the circulation in his legs going again. He finally began to get over the ordeal of the coach trip. The butler politely said:
   “Gentlemen, will you please follow me.” Vincent turned back for a last look at the coach, which he could not remember, then followed the butler, who led his father to a very large room. “Mr. de Montaigne, this is your room,” he said. This room opened to a large bedroom, which was part of a spacious suite. He then ambled over toward a high-ceilinged corridor, with wide-¬open windows, the floor checkered with black and white marble tiles.
   Everything appeared to be meticulously clean. Vincent followed the butler without a word,. Several doors opened out at the end of the corridor. The butler, in his clipped ac¬cent said to Vincent:
   “Sir, your room is to the left.” He open-the door to let Vincent in and said: “I shall be back for you in an hour.” Vincent was overwhelmed with his surroundings and the impressive butler.
   He entered his room and after having closed the door, bounced on the soft bed like a child. The bed was large and comfortable. Without taking his clothes off, thoroughly exhausted, he was soon sound asleep.
   The butler had been with Mr. Mershenson since the time he lived in London. He was now older and grayer, but impressive ¬ nonetheless. When Mr. Mershenson lived in London , the butler did not have such a big house to take care of.  He had heard of Vincent and his father but had never met them.   Then, Mr. Mershenson could not have afforded a butler, but this butler had worked for Mr. Mershenson's father who had been wealthy at the time.
  Despite tightened straits in London, Mr. Mershenson had been unwilling to give up his butler, especially after he lost his wife.  Before his death, Mr. Mershenson's father had given the butler a few words of advice:
   "My son, stay loyal to whoever you work for and remember, it is a greatness to be of service."  The butler never forgot these words. He went through trials and tribulations with Mr. Mershenson when the latter's financial situation was not good. Later he realized the wisdom of his old master. As Mr. Mershenson became richer, the butler remembered his old master's saying:
   “Enjoy your job and don’t envy the fortune of others. It is better to have a fortunate
master, than to be fortunate oneself. As a butler, you will enjoy your master's riches more than your master will. It is not important what you possess, but what you do”. The old master’s advice became a reality for the butler.
   Vincent awoke after less than half an hour. He was thrilled to see his dream turning to reality. He realized that it was time he got dressed as the butler would soon be there to pick him up, probably for dinner. He would much rather have relaxed and not dressed. He looked out at the sky through the window. Everything seemed to be the substance of a dream. The stars did not have the same co¬lor as the stars that he used to see on the ship. But here through the wide open window, the sky looked like a large painting. To the right of the room was an old English-style commode. Above the commode hung a bamboo-framed mirror from the wall. Vincent noticed that the bamboo style did not match the rest of the English-styled objects.
   Vincent saw his face in the mirror and realized that something in him had changed, especially in the expression of the eyes. Vincent attributed this change to fatigue. He could not remember his dad's room but by now time was running and he still had to wash himself and get dressed. He had not finished putting on his socks when he heard the slow tread of the butler in the corridor. He quickly put on his tie and jacket and took a last look in the mirror and saw that his hair was still disheveled. He looked for his hair brush in vain, then ran his fingers through his hair and heard the butler knock on the door.
   He followed the butler leisurely. This time Vincent looked more refined than when he had arrived. Vincent could not understand why the butler was walking so slowly, but he noticed that his pace was measured and precise like clockwork. He then stopped in front of another door and knocked. This was Vincent's father's room:
   “Will you please follow me to the dining room?” said the butler. Vincent was now assured that they were about to dine. His dad was dressed in his best suit that he wore on board ship. Vincent wished that he had dressed in his best suit too. Then he remembered what his father had once said to him, “It is not important what you put in your mouth but what comes out of it. No one sees what you have in your stomach, but one does notice how you are dressed.” Vincent did not com¬prehend what his father had meant and felt vaguely uneasy for not having understood his father's lesson.
   The butler led the way first to the living room, where Mr. Mershenson, dressed impeccably was sitting on a sofa. When Vincent and his father entered, he received them with much warmth and gladness as in the old days.  This time the two older gentlemen looked alike in their suits.
   “So, gentlemen, have you recovered from your trip?” questioned¬ Mr. Mershenson. The senior de Montaigne answered with his suave smile:
   “The room is perfect and I am very comfortable, thank you.”
   “And you, Vincent?” continued Mershenson. Vincent, typically embarrassed, hesitated, then said:
   “I certainly could use some more sleep. The bed is so soft.”
Mershenson did not wait for Vincent's answer. In any case Vincent did not really know what to reply. It was merely a matter of formality. To say something, even if the remark was redundant or not necessarily truthful. In such circumstances, people are used to making small talk without sense or meaning, as a way of entertaining guests.  Such questions and remarks were new for Vincent. He knew that from now on he had to accommodate himself to this new way of life, which was necessary in the English speaking countries.
   While the two older gentlemen talked for a while, the butler appeared a second time to announce that dinner was ready.
   Vincent felt relieved as he had been trying to entertain himself by admiring a painting that hung on a wall. The living room was immense in comparison to what he was used to. When Vincent entered the dining room, he was shocked by the size of the dining table, which was more than twelve feet long.
   Mr. Mershenson placed his father at one end and sat down at the head of the table. Vincent had the choice of taking any of a dozen chairs, but the butler had already prepared a place for him. All these changes had happened within the same day.. .from the small ship cabin …to the crowded pier teeming with people… to the sumptuous dining just for three people.
   The butler stood by during the entire dinner, ready for any indication from Mr. Mershenson. The two gentlemen did not cease to exchange views and anecdotes from past experiences. Vincent was silent all along. The dinner was delicious and elegantly served. They had rice pilao, savory with spices and turkey. The meal would have amply su¬fficed for an entire family. They partook only of small portions. Vincent understood the strong western influence and found it disturbing in comparison with the oriental surroundings.
   He wondered if he would have to spend long periods alone and in silence since the two gentlemen were always so preoccupied with each other. The estate was so large that a hundred people could get lost in it. He wondered why Mr. Mershenson needed such a large house. He recalled that Mr. Mershenson had a daughter, but refrained from ask¬ing this simple question, since a long time had elapsed since they lived in Paris and many things could have come to pass.
Vincent wondered about the daughter, whom he had never met but only heard about from Mr. Mershenson. The ceremonious dinner finally reached an end and it was already late for their first day after the journey. Vincent was tired and his eyes began to close by themselves. He could have kept himself awake but he had never longed as much for a bed as this evening.
   When Mr. Mershenson finally stood up, Vincent was overwhelmed with relief. Mr. Mershenson walked them out of the room and remarked:
   “I hope you will sleep well under my roof. Get a good night's rest and tomorrow we will visit the entire estate and the wheat fields.”
   Vincent heard out Mr. Mershenson with joy and curiosity. Vincent was well brought up and remained politely silent.  Society has its rules and conventions. Even if he thought differently, he should keep this to himself. Vincent went on to his room. At first he could not fall asleep. He had so many conflicting thoughts and emotions in his mind from this extraordinary first day. He passed the time hanging up his clothes and placing the books that he had brought from Europe on the shelves. This was the first night that he had to spend by himself ever since he was a boy. He missed his father's stories. This first night was a prelude to an era that Vincent had dreamed about for a long time. Outside it was dark and Vincent could see nothing outside the window.
   This sensation of being alone was entirely new for Vincent. He now digested the awesome silence and independence.  He was with himself and it was a new experience. The room was  large and Vincent paced about. Late into the night, Vincent 1ay awake, eagerly awaiting the arrival of dawn. He promised himself that he would not miss the sunrise. The elegant dinner and the majestic house had made a very strong impression on him. His mind teemed with thoughts, about the civilization, the culture. He had thought before that he had discovered what society was like to a large degree. Now it became clear to him that he was still far from pretending to know what life was all about and about the various factors which are entwined around us, with or without our knowledge. The more he thought he knew something, the more he realized that he knew nothing. Life was even more exciting than he had imagined.

   The first day came, and despite his fatigue the bright Asian sun awakened him. He jumped up to look out the window, at the landscape. He discovered variegated flowers that he had never seen before. The bright sun had given him a clarity which was completely new to him. Vincent had doubts about all he had seen until then. He wondered if this was the paradise that his dad had spoken of before. In Europe, he could not have imagined that the light of the sun cou1d be brighter. Now the daylight made his heart overflow with joy. Was this brightness the last phase or was there another brightness that he still had to discover?
   Vincent thought of the acute hearing of dogs, that can hear sounds in wavelengths that are inaudible to human ears. About the various forces in physics that he had learnt about and that we are aware of but cannot see. How many things are still to be discovered that exist already and that we are not ware of. Life was a mystery that would unfold by itself.
   He also understood that he must keep these thoughts to himself. He knew no one that he could share them with. Vincent felt that we are all like a flock of sheep led by a shepherd. None of the lambs would wander off for fear of getting lost. Yet fear was the barrier to many good things in life that we could eventually discover in ourselves. Fear is weakness and our strongest enemy. Fear reduces us to nothing. Vincent began to understand that first he had to fight the fear within himself, as it handicapped him. He had to face it and overcome it.
 

 Copyright Emile M. Tubiana 2009 all rights reserved.