Sage McDermott here.  I wish I could say things are better, but no go.  If anything, things continue to get worse. 

Uncle Fenton and I are not on speaking terms right now.  The other day, he and I got into it about my attitude.  He also got angry with me because I left the milk out and it spoiled; and I also left my clothes lying on the ground after coming home from school without bothering to pick them up.

He told me, in no uncertain terms, if I don't shape up, he'll throw me out; he's had enough with me.  It really made me feel bad; I've been on edge for the past few days because of the fight.

Aunt Reba is more supportive, but she says that her husband is right:  I have to take responsibility for my own actions, and decide if I am going to try to improve my attitude.

Yeah, I know my attitude's the pits.  Can't blame me for that one:  I've lost my best friend to a g-d drunk driver who had no business being on the road (I saw it happen; I still have nightmares just about every night), the kids from my old crowd are still hasslin' me big time, and uncle Fenton and I have been buttin' heads for the past week, and I'm sick of it already!!

When are good things going to happen??  Does God even care for me anymore, or does He enjoy seeing me so miserable??  I'm beginning to doubt that He even loves me; I am nothing but a loser!!

Then, if that weren't enough, I found out that my baby cousin, Sailor (he's the son of my aunt Elaine in Boulder), has cancer of the eyes; he may end up having both eyes removed; then he will have to go through life blind.  He's only ten months old, too young to have to endure such awful things!!

I also found out that my cousin Rachel fell and snapped her femur in half:  she has brittle bone disease, and now she's to wear a cast (and pins) for at least eight to twelve weeks, and there are no guarantees if her leg will ever recover fully:  she may have to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair.

In addition, I found out that my aunt Wanda may end up losing her house because she's behind on the mortgage payments; she's over 80 years old, disabled, and is living on a fixed income.  How does the government expect her to pay for her house when she can't even afford food or pay most of her bills?  After paying for her medications, there's little left for her to live on!  It's ludicrous!!

I've heard that God doesn't give us more than we can bear.  I say BULLS**T on that:  if He cared, He wouldn't be piling all of this junk on me or my family!!

All I have to say is this:  if things don't get better quick, I may end up having to kill myself; anything's got to be better than the life I'm living right now!!

Just keep me in your prayers; that's all I ask!  I really could use a miracle about now, and so could my family!!  Thanks in advance!

~Sage.  :( >tears!<