As her brain shifted slowly into "conscious mode", all her senses seemed to
activate at once sending all her nerve endings into overload.
Her head ached, her stomach heaved and as she pulled the pillow off her
head the light hit her eyes with the intensity of a high-powered laser.
She recoiled in shock at this onslaught. Her memory as usual was 10 steps
behind the rest of her so she couldn’t quite put two and two together,
couldn’t work out just why she was being attacked so viciously by her own
body. The phone rang, damn it was loud! She lifted up the receiver , a croak
came out “Hello?”
“ Waky waky sunshine! Got to get ready for your last day at the office!”
It hit home! Her farewell party! “ Oh God Linda what time is it?” “Quarter
past seven sleepyhead! Thought you might still be sleeping, you really tied one
on last night. I thought you said you didn’t drink?” I don’t” she replied,
“I haven’t got a very good head for alcohol at all, what the hell did we get
up to?” “Lets save the gory details for work shall we? I shall leave you with a
lingering thought, one sentence, a hunk called Steve?” Laughing Linda put
the phone down.
She put her receiver down and slowly sat up, oops grave mistake! She made
a dash to the bathroom and spent the next few minutes on her knees talking
to the porcelain telephone!As she washed her face and mouth, something
caught her eye in the mirror, she looked down, hanging around her neck was
a navy blue tie with green paisley markings on it. Steve!! Oh god she hadn’t
had she, not a perfect stranger, not in front of everyone. Patchy images of
heavy snogging filtered through to her. Oh the stables pub, hangout of
soldiers and policemen. Tequila at a buck a shot! How many had she had?
She gave up couldn’t remember. Then after that, old English toffee liqueur!
her stomach rebelled again!
She made her way through to the kitchen, with shaky hands she swallowed
two aspirin and an anti nausea tablet. Back in her room she dressed herself
slowly, thoughts buzzing around in her head. her last day at the office,
after seven years, gosh she was going to miss everyone. But what would they
think of her? She the office mouse! The good girl. Then it hit home with a
vengeance , the quagga! She had ridden the bloody quagga at the Trek petrol
station. She remembered being chased by the pump attendant! and the shrieks
of panic and laughter as Linda’s car stalled in the mud and they had had to
push start it! Linda the cow! Call herself a friend, wasn’t she supposed to take
care of me? Oh well she thought, at least I have given them
something to remember me by. There is nothing else for it, I shall just have to
brazen the whole thing out.
An hour later she strolled up the street towards the office building, feeling
much better and more able to cope with what the day ahead would hold. She was a little late, but hell they couldn’t exactly fire her. She inserted her security card and walked through the doors into the reception area and stopped dead! Her mouth dropped open. There in the reception area was………
A LIFE SIZE DRAWING OF A QUAGGA!
*** A quagga is an extinct zebra like mammal. The trek service stations in South Africa used to have a life size replica of one on every forecourt as their mascot.***
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V is humorous adult literature featuring adult content and language. The work satirizes and spoofs thirteen classic tales from U.S. and British literature, a
